14 September, 2013

Recent Loves (Ground Dick Edition)

About a month back, I went and saw some of the going ons at Grind Your Fucking Dick Off Fest at the VFW over on Lyn-Lake. Here are the treasures I picked up from the merch booths.
Oh, and just as an aside, seeing as how there's a useless lot of debate on Facebook lately concerning the matter of output mediums, these are all on cassette. Those of you that want to shake your heads and grumble some shit talk, keep rolling your eyes and being fucking snobs about first world problem shit. I'll be over here listening to music.
Scaphe, Echo Of Ape
Scaphe is a Minneapolis trio made up of two bassists and a drummer that alternate between sludgy dirges with sudden, blitzkrieg blast beats. As with most two-bass bands, Scaphe's bassists aren't playing along with each other, rather, they play differing, complimentary parts, which is more or less the only way you can really use two instruments in the same octave range and timbre work effectively. Otherwise, you may as well be playing Spın̈al Tap's "Big Bottom", I mean, as long as we're having honesty time here.
Echo of Ape reminds me, in places, of Kylesa's first record ("Seething" in particular has a section that sounds remarkably akin to "Descend Within"); it is thoughtfully orchestrated and flows, rather than shifts, from (the, like, two) quiet passages (on the whole record) to loud ones. Meanwhile, the eighty bajillion tempo shifts and the fact that one of the basses sounds almost synth like at times keep monotony at bay.
The first three songs are under two minutes, hell, the second one is just a second over one minute, just bam bam bam and the side one closer, the title track, is a little over four minutes. Side two is one long song, two songs put together actually, clocking in at nine minutes. That's it. The whole kit and kaboodle is seventeen and a half minutes, so you really have no excuse to no listen to this. I mean, you do come here to have me tell you what to listen to, right? I'm assuming that the only reason anybody here would have a Mariah Carey best-of is because they just want to choke one out to the pics in the liner notes. Because that's the only reason I'd have one.
I'm not saying I do, I'm saying that if I did have one, it'd just be for jerking to the pics, I can understand that that would be an incentive to owning any Mariah Carey CD. Thankfully, though, I can just Google Image Mariah Carey and I don't have to - Wait.
What are we talking about again?
Boddicker, Mitch Is The Bastard
Come on, man. They're called Boddicker. And they play the four songs in seven minutes and forty six seconds on a cassette limited to two hundred duplicates that your band can't play. How's about that?
This is straightforward fast, pissed off heavy metal. Four guys just getting in a room, the guitar and bass get plugged in, the drummer get behind the kit, maybe the singer does that thing Rollins does where he loops the mic cable over his knuckles - I don't know, it seems like a thing singers ought to do - somebody counts to four and the band plays. It's not adventurous music because it doesn't have to be. This is fuck-you-up music.
There are no intros or outros, no solos, no bridges, no background vocals, no overdubs, I think there might be one breakdown, and everybody in the band has one job. That's it. That's the whole scope of Mitch Is The Bastard: It's basically 2012's angriest collection of power chords and there's absolutely no reason for you to not listen to this one, either. You can't have me believe that you don't have, you know, less than eight minutes to spare. You're on the internet, right now, reading a half-assed record review.
You can either take my recommendation or you can go back to playing Bejeweled or whatever the hell else you were doing, it's no skin off my dick. But you know that you can actually play these records in the background, right? You can. You can play Scaphe's Echo Of Ape is here and Boddicker's Mitch Is The Bastard is here and then go back to your game of Tetris or whatever while you listen to these. It's not like you have anything else going on, come on, just being here reading this is an admission of having no priorities. Well, guess the fuck what. You came here looking for something to do? I'm giving you something to do. Now quit being a bonny ponce and get on it.

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