09 July, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Well, with Butt Week over, we get back to normal now can't we?

drone-pop? dirty shoegaze?


Date: 2012-07-08, 5:30PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

theres gotta be someone else out there with a pedal and an amp right? Uh...

drop a line
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx





Singer/guitarist seeks acoustic musicians for new group (Apple Valley)


Date: 2012-07-08, 2:56PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I'd like to form a new group to play great acoustic/pop/classic country/bluegrass/blues/rock 'n roll/gospel. I play guitar, bass, keys, banjo and harmonica and sing lead/harmonies, and I'm a good front man. If you're a bass player, mandolinist, keyboard player, fiddler or a multi-instrumentalist, and if you like playing great songs with strong vocals, perhaps we should talk. (A tasteful drummer who can play many styles would be great, too.) Yeah, you'll probably need one of those. I'm looking to start things out on a (very) low-key, part-time basis and see what happens.

I'd like to put something together that's special: songs that really work onstage, great leads and harmonies, excellent musicianship, and--perhaps most importantly--an ability to actually perform and engage an audience. I'm not interested in people who look down at their feet So the shoegaze kid up there is out. or act like they'd rather be anywhere else than on a stage. If you can't look a crowd in the eye and smile while you play, I'm not really what you'd call "a smiler". this probably isn't the group for you. I like to work with people who actually look like they're enjoying what they do. Can I show you my O-face? I think there's a real opportunity for a group of strong singers/musicians/showmen who can own a stage and make an audience sit up and pay attention. It would be fun to find some like-minded individuals who feel the same way.

No smokers, Fuck you. drinkers, Double fuck you. or druggies, please. Also, it would be good if you actually looked like a taxpaying citizen who shaves and/or takes a bath occasionally. Yes. He actually said that. You don't have to be dashingly handsome, but please look presentable. Sorry, I don't have time for wannabes or beginners. I'm not a kid anymore (although I have nothing at all against talented, good young people), so age isn't an issue for me. Just be mature and reasonable. This could be a lot of fun and a way to do something really unique if we can find the right people. I hope to hear from some of them.

Please send your name, phone number, and a brief description of what you like, what you do/have done in the past, and what kind of music pushes your buttons. Thanks for reading this.
  • Location: Apple Valley
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Bassist wanted $30 per hour (Twin Cities)

Oh, shit. We're going hourly, now?

Date: 2012-07-07, 3:54PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hi all, Hello, prospective employer?
I am a jazz drummer lookin' to practice with an acoustic jazz bass player. Uh-huh. Minimum, $15 per half hour, minimum 2 hours, or $60 per session. UUUhhh... Lil Jon What? I want to hear sound files though, and not, oh I just played a "rock-tard gig" and that's all all I have. If it works, 2X per month. You're shelling out a hundred twenty bucks a month to just practice with somebody? Good easy gig? Thanks.
  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


I swear to fuck that the next one is so perfect in every way that it has to be a fabrication. Seriously, nobody does this much pitch perfect damage to the English language accidentally. Not even people from non-English speaking countries can butcher the language as beautifully as what this person did.
And if this isn't real, don't tell me. I'm putting this thing on a t-shirt.

TEEN BAND NEEDS DRUMER OR BASS PLAYER (Shakopee)


Date: 2012-07-06, 9:25PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

ME AND OUR BAND IS LOOKING FOR A DRUMER OR BASS PLAYER. WE HAVE A DRUMER WHOS A BASS PLAYER AND IS VERY GOOD AT BOTH SO WE JUST NEED ONE OR THE OTHER. WE PLAY HARDER ROCK/ ALTRENITVE. WE WIL RECORD, WE ALLREADY HAVE TIME SET UP FOR US. WHERE ALL 15 - 17 AND WHERE NOT JUST SOME KIDS WE ARE VERY GOOD. WE TOOK 2ND IN THE LASTES BATTLE OF THE BANDS AND WON ARE OTHER ONE A FEW WEEKS BACK. WE WILL GIG TO. EMAIL ME OR TEXT/CALL ME AT xxxxxxxxxx
  • Location: Shakopee
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Bands/Musicians Needed For Isanti County Fair (Cambridge, MN)

Oh, isn't this pleasant? The Isanti County Fair (Where the fuck is Isanti County?) is coming up and they're looking to book entertainment.

Date: 2012-07-06, 6:44AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

A Great Opportunity to REACH a NEW Audience!
July 19, 20 and 21st 2012!! Bands and musicians wanted to play the Isanti County Fair!
All types of music wanted! All types of music! They're not discriminating.
This is the 135th Anniversary of our fair and we are
"Celebrating Living History!" A hundred thirty five years this thing has gone on, it's a tradition and it's fun for the whole family.
Please respond with-
1.) a link to where I can preview your sound-
bandcamp youtube JUST SOMETHING SO I don't have to google search you- A not at all unreasonable request.
2.) a $ Quote and if you'll play for free or close to free. So you are asking for bands to volunteer their time and services but you are also willing to pay them. You're not lying to them and trying to convince them that the exposure they receive is payment but actually offering a monetary compensation with the implication that, since you're a county fair and not a huge big to-do, you don't have a whole lot of money to pay them with but you are still willing to negotiate a manner in which you can put money in their hands, am I inferring that correctly? Because I think I am: You're not bullshitting anybody and you're trying to give everybody a fair shake, right?
This is a last minute addition to the fair but I will market you all HARDCORE if we get the line up done by Saturday!! And you're going to do the gotdamn promotions for them!? Fuck, seriously. Also- a merch girl will be there to sell your stuff if needed! And you will provide staff for the bands for the day. You are giving the bands an employee, an employee who will sell their stuff for them so they don't have to. This is one of the better deals I've read on Craigslist, and it comes to us courtesy of the Isanti County Fair. Respond very promptly if you are interested!



  • Location: Cambridge, MN
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


And, naturally, somebody has to piss all over it.

Re: Bands/Musicians Needed For Isanti County Fair (Cambridge, MN) (Yaaaa!)


Date: 2012-07-06, 12:35PM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

My band, like most, would love the exposure that comes with playing for free (or almost free) at your money making event. Bruv, it's the Isanti County Fair, innit. It's not the state fair. Morris Day and the Time will not have a two-night engagement there. The Butter Queen will not be making an appearance. (For my non-MN peeps, yes... We have a Butter Queen.) The petting zoo will be larger than the rides section and one of the cars on the Tilt-A-Whirl will be stuck. So do everybody a favor, pull your head out of your ass. There's no "and" to that. Just pull your head out of your ass. You didn't ask (but we know you will) so sure, we'd also love to bring our own PA, since renting one would obvously cut into your profits. No, you know what? He didn't ask about a PA. Probably because he has that lined up. Sure, it's not the state fair but it's also not some impromptu "festival" on some private citizen's plot of land. It's the Isanti County Fair. County. As in that large governing jurisdiction thing locale that nobody knows the purpose of but it has funding, I think. He's got the PA. Trust me, he can pay your mouse, he's got your PA. Heck, we'll even hang around all day so the other free bands can use it. You mean the other free bands that he's willing to pay?

Since you're obviously very busy with the flood of bands wanting in, here's a direct link to our band website:

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=go+fuck+yourself Really? Really? You're taking it there. With a county fair organizer. Jesus wept, man.

Hope to hear from you soon!!!!!!
  • Location: Yaaaa!
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Keyboardist wanted (twin cities)


Date: 2012-07-04, 12:51PM CDT
Reply to: Xxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

Singer, bassist, drummer and guitarist are seeking key/ synth player for serious band. Practice 1 or 2 times/ week, gig once/ month, record soon. New wave, post-punk, art-rock, indie, dark...

Call Xxxxxxx @ xxx.xxx.xxxx Wow, a direct, clear, and perfectly reasonable ad with no fluff or filler.
  • Location: twin cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


And then five minutes later...

Keys wanted (twin cities)


Date: 2012-07-04, 12:56PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hello! We're (guit., bass, drums, vox) looking for someone to play keys for our band. we have a practice space, gear and lots of music(kind of post-punk/psychedelic/ new wave/ art-rock). Influences:
Bauhaus, siouxie, Echo Numan, Duran, Sisters, Joy Division, Gang of 4, Wire, Legendary Pink Dots, Skinny Puppy, Japan, eurythmics, Cocteau, Adam Ant, Cure, Bowie, Eno, Nick Cave, Roxy Music, The Cars, The Doors, Pink Floyd, The English Beat, The Specials, Kraftwerk, The Police, Radiohead,The Residents, ymo, simple minds, Tangerine dream, human league, grace jones, Mr. Bungle, Arcade fire, Bat for lashes, bjork, st. germain, a-ha, cult, faith no more, natcha atlas, sex pistols, minutemen, lords of acid, king crimson, goblin, zappa, velvet underground, tv on the radio, my life with the thill kill cult, jane's addiction, sigur ros, steve vai, billy idol, wendy williams, prince and probably some other people.
I don't get it. He was doing so good and then he had to come back and do this to us.

ask for xxxxxxx@xxx phone ... xxx ... number xx ... xx

  • Location: twin cities
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Send me a sample short riff, (Everywhere)


Date: 2012-07-02, 12:27PM CDT
Reply to: x.xxxx@yahoo.com Spoiler alert!


8 to the bar, 4- 8 measures, and as time permits I will put it through my HULA-LOOP machine, and e-mail return. WWWhhhaaattt???
Your drum-track will pan across a "stereo-circular" sound-stage several times. So it's quadrophonic? Is quad making a comeback? Use it free to infect your viral. To what my what?
Next one, you pay for. So it's crack, then. You're selling crack, is that what you're telling me? Or, get "Organ Grinder 1.1-B Hula Loop" from I-tunes and overlay yur jazzmatazz. So, wait, the service you're offering, is to put my drum track through an iTunes plugin?
  • Location: Everywhere
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
 
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