07 May, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

I do not have a snarky intro this week.

Musicians wanted, guitar player, drummer, bassist. (Cambridge)


Date: 2012-05-07, 12:16AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Im looking to start a new band up I have experience with live shows and that stuff I mainly sing so in looking for the other fill in the blanks Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea! How about you fill in the blanks with some punctuation marks? I play 80s hard rock glam and stuff like kiss, Metallica, motley Crüe acdc You mean to tell me that you put in the effort to put the umlaut in Crüe but you can't be arsed to put the slash in AC/DC? and those types and info write my own stuff so I'm looking for a creative guitarist who can write licks and stuff, I'm 17 any one from age 15 to 22 I'll take I love music and I have all the equipment we need amps drums and everything else Are you sure your dad won't get mad at us for using his stuff? please email me so we can get cracking and start booking some shows.
  • Location: Cambridge
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Cheap Trick, Beatles, Lover Boy ????????????????????????? (Metro)

Did he seriously put fucking Lover Boy in with the Beatles and Cheap Trick?

Date: 2012-05-06, 12:59PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

This is for guys entering their 40 +. I play in a band but wondering why am I doing what I am doing. Oh, shit. You're about to buy a Corvette, aren't you? If your in a band, great, means you got experience. Looking for Bun E. Carlos, Tom Peterson and his 8/12 string solid style, and guitarist/lead singer Robin Zandler. Zandler? Are you sure you're a fan of Cheap Trick? Because I own - hold on, let me count - zero Cheap Trick records and even I know it's Zander, not Zandler. Cheap Trick/Rocking Beatles Trib band. I don't know about the Lover Boy stuff. Mon frere, I don't think anybody knows about the Lover Boy stuff. Stay in your band your in now. But if you wanna start something awesome, hit me up. Man, it's one on a Sunday afternoon, you're allowed to be drunk but, Jesus, you are fucking blotto.

Reply to this post by Craigslist email
Thanks
  • Location: Metro
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Professional Djent/Metalcore guitarist needed to play. (Rochester, MN)


Date: 2012-05-06, 12:23PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Looking for a guitarist to complete our line-up. Hello.
The setlist is finished, The set list is finished? What do you mean? Like you just finished writing it and you're about to go on stage? along with our shirt designs. Oh, I get it: This is where you force me to make the same point I always make about how you shouldn't be working on shit like your t-shirts until after you have a whole band, right? Is that where you're going with this? We leave to Madison to record in a month. Yep. Going into the studio without a whole band. I had a feeling I was going to have to make that point.
We have album art/logos being made Is your logo being made something we need to know about? in the next week, and we just need a guitarist To come along with a time machine and join the band before you started working on some peripheral shit? to join to finish photos and start playing shows.
Please professional inquiries only.
This is a business, not a hobby.

This is the only recording I'm able to hand out right now. Because you don't have a guitarist.
I apologize for it being midi. haha. Did that - did... Was that something that necessitated a laugh? I don't get it. But if you're interested, just hit me up.

xxx-xxx-xxxx
Name's Xxxxx.


Would you believe I almost forgot to change this link?
  • Location: Rochester, MN
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Have you ever wondered just what it takes to write a review? Now, me, I'm no expert on this matter but I'll go ahead and just assume that I'm right about everything and you can all agree with me. So, if I were to guess what separates a good review from a shitty one, I would say that the good review is written by somebody who is familiar with the genre, format, presentation, blah blah blah that they're reviewing, not just in terms of the sounds and styles associated with a particular genre but the culture behind it and the communities born from it. (Ex. Punk rock and the DIY culture regarding recording, touring, artwork, all of that.)
I would also venture a guess that this author would have a knowledge, perhaps bordering on encyclopedic, of maybe the past twenty or thirty years of popular culture that exists outside their specialized knowledge - I grew up on punk and metal but I'm aware of things like, say, Madonna's film career, the works of Jean-Luc Godard, who Peter Parker's first girlfriend was, the collaboration between Sinatra and Jobim, etc. - and maybe a cursory knowledge of popular culture fifty years or longer ago. This is what the author would use to compare and contrast contemporary trends and see where a precedent might have established, maybe even evaluate if a recurrence in a particular trend is a passing fad or here to stay.
And I would also assume that our hypothetical author of the "good" review would understand basic tenets of the English language. Maybe even understand things on a tenth grade level like what a semicolon (this guy → ;) is used for or that an ellipsis has three periods. I would assume that this person would have a broad vocabulary, not all-encompassing, but just enough to know what words like "abscond", "assuage", and "sundry" mean. They would note that I had just used an Oxford comma. They would proofread to correct those inevitable times - they happen to us all at some point - when the wrong "there" or "your" or "it's" is used. They color their language with the occasional bit of nonsense to establish nuance, like taking Peter Gabriel's name in vane instead of whichever deity's in popular usage in their culture or say "chicken nugget" instead of "motherfucker" because they've already said "motherfucker" three times so far and it's starting to feel old. And they also try to establish a flow in their writing, the old beginning, middle, end bit we all learned about in first grade. They open with the subject, they follow through with a body of supporting arguments, and they close with a reiteration of the subject and a resolution. Once they've mastered this, they begin to tinker with the format. Spelling correctly is a given.
So, in short, somebody who knows what they're talking about and how to talk about it.
Which is not this next person.

WESTSIDE BAND REVIEW


Date: 2012-05-04, 12:29PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Right off the bat since i moved here reviewing talent i put westside band on my top ten list. OK, so perhaps you will tell us a bit about them and the kind of music they play.
The band, Who you may want to tell us about. the music, Which, certainly, you're going to describe in a minute. the sound, the lighting, the crew are a synchronized alliance. A what?
They dress well no bad stage habbits Don't you just hate it when there's a bad hobbit on stage? and a great vivacios crowd responce.
They started on time ended on time Ended on time? What, no encore? short breaks great job westside band.
the party dont stop. Too bad I have no idea what kind of party this is.

Assessment:great band, a good night out to dance with a date.!!!

The review gal


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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

City knights band review


Date: 2012-05-02, 9:59AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

City knights band review,
Feed back from pa all night long, the suck knob was at full.i realy liked the drummer
lighting was rotten not even flashing to the music they were playing. The lights weren't flashing? The lights weren't flashing? Dear god in heaven why have you forsaken us?
Old rock outdated boring geared to a older crowd.The band was ok for the most part I THINK THE DRUMMER WAS GOOD LOOKING!!!! Quadruple exclamation points? Slow down before you cum. THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS GOOD LOOKING ILL ADD, but were chewing gum when they were playing. Oh no. Drinking on stage during the show. With gum in their mouths? The hell you say. Sloppy dressed looked like bums. Front man can't sing very well off key on most tunes, may have been drunk along with the rest of the band. Way to pass judgment, lady. Long breaks out to parking lot. Started late ended early. Some coments to the crowd were unnecessary.
Assessment: I think I will not be going to see them any time soon. Yeah, I Googled them. You're reviewing a cover band.
Dolt.


The review gal!



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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And cue the impotent backlash!

RE: Review Gal (Minneapolis)


Date: 2012-05-02, 3:09PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hey, why don't you get a guitar and get up there and give it a whirl. Or even put your own band together. IF you are so talented and know so much about how to do this thing, then it should be easy for you. She wrote two reviews and one of them was negative and about a cover band, guy. Calm down.
  • Location: Minneapolis
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Kids piano and guitar instructor wanted (Eagan)


Date: 2012-05-03, 3:00PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hi, Hello.

I'm looking for a piano and guitar instructors for my 3 year old girl What? and for my 4 year old boy. What? Why? You're not going to put these kids in pageants or something, are you?
I would love someone who is very patient. I'm out. But not because I loathe kids. I hate stage mothers even more.

Note: Piano lessons for my boy and guitar lessons for my girl. Lady, you need to take a Klonopin and chill the fuck out. Your kids are still in preschool. They're tiny. I mean, piano lessons for a four year old? Jesus wept, I'm a grown goddamned man, with grown goddamned man hands and I still cramp up when attempting some piano chords. Start the kids on ukuleles or something, damn.

Please, email me your hourly rate if you are interested.

Thanks
  • Location: Eagan
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


This one I like just because I can't tell if it's a joke and I want it to be serious.

Wanna start a Beethoven tribute band (long ago)


Date: 2012-05-01, 8:08PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I conduct, so I will need 8 violins, 6 viola players, 6 cellos, 8 contra basses, 2 oboes, 4 flutes, 3 trumpets, 3 french horns, 1 contra-basoon, 4 clarinets, 1 trombone, 1 bass trombone, kettle drums, snare drums, assorted percussion, Must be able to read music. Have space in my basement for practice. Hit me up!
  • Location: long ago
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


And the winner of our "Somebody Let Grandpa In From the Garage" award is...

Rolling Stones Guitar Player Needed (Twin Cities Metro)


Date: 2012-05-01, 8:29AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxx@gmail.com

My name is Xxxx Xxxxxxx and my phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. And that's another thing, There was a first thing? Craigslist doesn't care if you include your phone number in these ads. OK, so wait, that was a thing? That needed to be addressed? Uh... Get a hold of me if you think you have what it takes and you want to cover the Stones.
  • Location: Twin Cities Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Your weekly musicians' ads. (Special Supplementary Edition)

Every once in a great while, something happens in a music scene that causes, it would seem, every member of the community to come together in agreement over some bullshit.
What follows, without interruption, is one of those moments... that lasted all week.

Open Jam 9:30 till 1am (Blue Fox)


Date: 2012-05-01, 10:27PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx.xxxxxxx@yahoo.com


Ultra Mega Jam hosts the Twin Cities Best "Open Stage Jam" every 2nd and 4th Thursday of Every Month at the Blue Fox located at 3833 Lexington Ave. N. in Arden Hills, MN 55126 (Lexington and 694). We supply the gear, instruments and production. If you want to bring your own instruments that's fine too. The band tunes to E flat. This is a GREAT opportunity to bring YOUR band and play a 4 song set for the management as an audition to play at the Blue Fox for REAL MONEY! Call Steve at xxx-xxx-xxxx for any inquires you may have. SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Location: Blue Fox
  • it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Want to start a band? (Arden Hills)


Date: 2012-05-01, 10:28PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


Ultra Mega Jam at the Blue Fox in Arden Hills is where the Local Musicians meet. Every 2nd and 4th and 5th Thursdays of the month the Blue Fox (located on 694 and Lexington at 3833 Lexington Ave N. Arden Hills, MN 55126) Hosts the Twin Cities Best "Open Stage Jam" featuring Ultra Mega Jam and the area's best and up-and-coming musicians. If nothing else, you are new to town, want to find a bass player, drummer, etc.., or just want to share the stage with other musicians, get over to the Blue Fox and Jam! We supply the gear, instruments and production (or bring your own instruments if you feel like it) to make you look, feel and sound like a ROCK STAR!!!!!!! Questions? call xxx-xxx-xxxx
  • Location: Arden Hills
  • it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Re: Open Jam 9:30 till 1am (Blue Fox)


Date: 2012-05-01, 11:41PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


The band at this open jam tunes to E flat? Are you kidding me?
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Re: open jam at Blue Fox


Date: 2012-05-02, 1:07AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


I'm a jam host and a frequent jammer around town (and out of town). Do whatever you want at a gig or in a band situation. But asking jammers to tune to E flat or anything other than standard tuning is kinda ridiculous.
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



RE:Blue Fox jam (Blue Fox) (Mpls)


Date: 2012-05-02, 8:19AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


What a way to get people to show up to your shitty ass 'jam'. Put up a shitty post asking people to come, force anyone who shows up to play songs YOU want it keys YOU think they should be played in, insult anybody who may ask why and tell them they suck, and then make another shitty CL post telling people how cool you are and how much you don't care even though you felt the need to make two posts on the subject.

Guess what, if your 'jam' was half as good as you claim you wouldn't be on CL trying to get people to come out and you wouldn't be so butthurt because you decided that because Stevie Ray tuned a half step down that you have to do it too. If you wanted to make sure nobody on these boards ever came to that shitty ass dive bar to come see your shitty ass 'jam' you've succeeded.

Congratulations! You're a douche.
  • Location: Mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Re: open jam at Blue Fox (wow)


Date: 2012-05-02, 10:11AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


I'm always interested in new jams and have made several great connections over the years attending them. I have been a jammer and also a band member at jams. They can be great ways to meet cool people. I can say without a doubt I'd stop playing music if I had to go to your jam. Your SRV wannabe douchebaggery is amazing, even for CL. I don't know anyone at the BF, but I'd bet they would not be happy to see such a raging asshole representing their club on the interwebs. I might hip them to your posts (which I copied) in case they don't want a dickhead representing their club.
  • Location: wow
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx




Blue Fox Ultra Mega Jam (Twin Cities)


Date: 2012-05-02, 10:56AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


It is unfortunate that this Open Jam is hosted by a bunch of idiots and is aptly named "Jerk Jam" cause it's jerks that host it! The Blue Fox is a great club and the management is good too. Unfortuantely, this band of yahoos got in there years ago and continue to run the most ridiculous open mic ever! I took my band in there a couple years ago only to have a fellow band member insulted by "Krister" saying he couldn't set his gear up on stage. Really? Krister thinks he is a rock god apparently , but is nothing but an egotistical, overrated total douchebag! I believe he is gone FINALLY! Good riddance!

Bands, don't waste your time "showcasing" here- you will get uncooperative hosts, especially if you "dare" bring your own instruments! As far as tuning down a half step- if your band did bring all their own stuff, it doesn't matter then does it?

I wish the management at the Fox would give these idiots the boot and have some "real pros" run it for a change! I know I would love a chance to host this and do it right and also be respectful to fellow musicians. Krister- what friggin joke that A-hole is! Good riddance and go back to Sweden or wherever the hell you came from you loser!
  • Location: Twin Cities
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Blue Fox Ball (Blue Fox)


Date: 2012-05-02, 10:57AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


Eb? It cool- I don't tune so no worries!

Songlist:
"Can I get more 'Me' in the monitors? Blues"
"I need 5 choruses to say whats I got to say Blues"
"I need to come up now; I gotta day job (I need to get up early) Blues"
A shuffle in 'E'


I'll get there around five so I can load in- Could someone from the house band meet me to help me with gear? I play harmonica, but I need my own PA to really get the tone.

Super, super awesome.
  • Location: Blue Fox
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



RE: Blue Fox Ultra Mega Jam (Arden Hills)


Date: 2012-05-02, 11:15AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


I agree with this posting. I took my band there along with about 15-20 other friends to watch us play a few songs and demo for the bar. The guys running the open-jam (mainly Krister) was a total d-bag. After waiting patiently for over an hour and a half, we realized they weren't going to let us play. All the while the house band stood up there getting shitfaced and monologing for 5 minutes between each song. It was complete waste of our time. Glad he (Krister) is no longer there.

But give props to the management. He is an extremely nice guy in my experience, and trying to make amends for the old format.

Cheers
  • Location: Arden Hills
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Blue Fox "Jerk Off Jam" (YoVille)


Date: 2012-05-02, 11:56AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


Wow, I also took my band in there and have never been treated so shabbily or "Jerked Around" haha! For an "A" club like the Blue Fox is, the managment has a bunch of loser hacks running this thing! It's well known among the TC musicians that this thing is a total joke! Yeah, I had a run in with Krister too! What a total douchebag he is! And the guy who is supposedly the host Mark, does do 5 minute long rambling monolouges all the while getting drunker and drunker. Is that what the Blue Fox wants to showcase and represent? I would hope not!

This open mic should be put out of its misery. Time to start over Fox and get a whole new crew in there! No hosting open mic band should tune out of standard tuning. My band does play in eb but you have to assume most of the world doesn't. And what about a harp player? That itself shows what an egotistical bunch of unprofessionals these clowns are that host it!

Skip this bag a crap until they oust them all! Then rename it something else! Yep the good old "Jerk Off Jam". Glad to hear that Krister A-Hole is gone!
  • Location: YoVille
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



RE RE: Blue Fox Ultra Mega Jam (Roseville)


Date: 2012-05-02, 12:09PM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]


To you guys posting your comments on the open jam on Thursdays at Blue Fox, thanks for your input. It sounds like this jam might be bogus, but at the same time Craigs List makes it difficult to know if the negative comments are coming from only 1 or 2 guys that had a bad impression, or a general trend that is occuring.

My input...I am in a band that play around town once a month or so. We planned to show up for a 5th Thursday of the month jam. I even emailed Steve the manager/booker at Blue Fox a couple days ahead of time to verify that is was is on. He confirmed that is was. Then the day of, one of the band members happen to call Blue Fox to verify AGAIN. They said a stand up comedian or something was schedule...not an open jam. I have not participated since. Point of my story: some people don't respect the value of your time...call in the day of the jam to verify that it IS going on that day.

-JL
  • Location: Roseville
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

No contact info?if the poster didn't include a phone number, email, or
other contact info, craigslist can notify them via email. 


RE: Blue Fox Ultra Mega Jam (Arden Hills) (Arden Hills)


Date: 2012-05-03, 3:20PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hmmmm, I don't think Krister's gone for long- he's on tour with American Head Charge right now. I'm sure he'll be back hosting the jam in the future.
  • Location: Arden Hills
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
 
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