05 November, 2012

The return of your weekly musicians' ads.

It was like all the nutters just disappeared for about a minute, wasn't it? This week, however, they're back in black, hitting the sack, been gone too long and glad to be back. In fact, they're on the loose from the noo-
Black? Noose?
I never realized how - I mean - I guess in Australia they have...
Wow. Something to ponder for the rest of the day, huh?

Crate Amplifier Booster..Awesome Sound!...Excellent Shape! (Lakeville)


Date: 2012-11-04, 6:08PM CST
Reply to: see below


For sale is our BX-80 Crate Amplifier Booster. Most people just call it an amplifier but OK. It produces excellent sound. I'd be weary of purchasing anything from anybody who considers a Crate to produce an excellent sound. It has been used a few times but mainly stored away. Its about 7 years old. It can be used for many different applications such as practicing electric guitar, electronic piano or keyboard, t.v. sound system, and many other intstruments can be hooked up to it for excellent sound.
Its in great shape. The speaker screen shows a little wear but nothing significant. The sound is state of the art! State of the art. From a seven year old Crate practice amp.

Some of the features include: Can't wait for this.
Input-Pre shape-Gah What the fuck is "Gah"?
Equalization
Master Dial Do you mean master volume?
Volume Do you mean master volume?
Boost
Line Out/In
Head Phones
Balance Output
Od B Jack Insert Ol' Dirty Bastard joke here.
15 dB Jack

It comes from a smoke free, pet free home.

Measurements:

25" High
21" Wide
13" Deep

We are only asking $95!!! For a seven year old, excellent sounding, state of the art, triple exclamation point worthy Crate practice amp!


If you are interested, please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx. If we don't answer please leave a message for us to call you back. Thank you :)





 
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  • Location: Lakeville
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


This next guy has been on Craigslist for months trying to get people to pay him to run their drum tracks through a circular / orbital panning thingy. This time, he's going nuclear.

Dominate, take-over the Music Industry, (Mpls, Metro, NE.)


Date: 2012-11-03, 8:56PM CDT
Reply to: see below


by doing lots of Viral CDs.(viral. not "virus"). I know the difference, dickhead.
I designed a simple machine to implement an old but seldom used effect that
has been done on expensive software, programmed, as opposed to manual-interactive,
and my device is as simple as it gets, affording better control. My Patent Attourney advised
me to build a simple device, and sell it to create a market for a "Circular Sound Stage". After
the popularity-explosion, I cream all the opposition with the technoligical Somebody tell me why "technoligical" sounds like something to do with a lady's hoopladoopla. improvement,
further along in the patent status. I am hoping someone with enthusiasm and resources
will buy this console model, for $100. I would charge more, But because it was built, rather poorly,
in a hasty afternoon at a COST of about the asking price it's cheaper.. It includes a schematic.
I call it "The Swizzle-Stick." I did a proof-track and put it on I-Tunes, a "Beat" that goes
around, and comes around. I expected the new I-Tunes Juke-Box would use it to cause
swarming from joint to joint, to hear how the effect sounds on the particular
speaker-placement, There is a difficulty in the I-Tunes distribution agenda that
should be rectified soon, lest they lose advantage. As much as I'm not sure what the fuck that last sentence means, I like the chutzpah on this guy, that he assumes that he knows how to run Apple's business better than Apple does. Oegan-Grinder 1.1-A.
Create a logo, start a company, and do some tracks. I would make more, and sell them,
but SHIPPING Costs are rediculous. Easy there, Todd. So, you gotta pick it up. No demonstration,
no cables or accessories,except an attached $35-dollar pre-amp. Fuck that, hombre. For ninety five beans I can go get a state of the art seven year old Crate practice amp that somebody used to run their TV through. I hold your
100 dollars for 24 hours, and you can test, make a track, or steal the idea, and then
get a full rebate, within the 24 hours. xxx-xxx-xxxx. 12-6 PM.













 
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  • Location: Mpls, Metro, NE.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Looking for Freaks in Heat (Minneapolis)


Date: 2012-11-03, 9:50AM CDT


Greetings, Hello.

I am looking for band sluts, club freaks, tattooed fire breathers, sword swallowing midgets and roller skating cross dressing nyphos to spice up the scene at local venues. Isn't this basically the premise of Party Monster? You know, with the Club Kids? You know, that whole troupe lead by Michael Alig?

What's in it for you? Uh, getting murdered? The same thing that's always in it for you, free admission to the clubs, Like the Club Kids had. free drinks Like the Club Kids had. and of course all the attention you can handle. Like the Club Kids had. I've got to tell you something, Scoob, I'm not sure I like this.

You don't have to be a complete nut, but If you love dressing up, Like the Club Kids did. having fun Like the Club Kids did. and know how to rock and roll Like the Clu- No. Wait. They were into shitty club music. I think we might be OK. message me now.


 
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  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Xxxxxxxxx X (with an umlaut) Xxxxxx looking for a Bass Player(Stand Up?) (Anoka/Mpls/St.Paul)


Date: 2012-10-31, 11:29PM CDT


Hello,

We are the trio Xxxxxxxxx X (with an umlaut) Xxxxxx. We are looking for a bass player to round out the low end. Vocals a Plus! We are: Xxx - Vocals/Guitar/Harmonicas - Xxxxxx - Vocals/Jiggle Jiggle? There's an instrument called a jiggle, now, or are you commenting on the woman's [ahem] endowments? Because that's a little weird, guy. - Xxxx - Mandolin

We practice usually every Tuesday Evening and occasionally on Sat. We gig out at least one to two times per month. Check us out and get back to us.

Thanks,

Xxx

There were links here, now there aren't.
  • Location: Anoka/Mpls/St.Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


My hats in the ring for a Drummer also!! (Metro )


Date: 2012-10-30, 11:08PM CDT


1. BE RELIABLE, I just need an extra fifteen minutes. PLEASANT Fuck you.
2. COOPERATIVE WITH PHOTO WORK/PROMO So you want me to stand still while I get my picture taken. Got it.
3. INDUSTRIOUS & CREATIVE Nope.
4. VOCALS A PLUS BUT NOT ESSENTIAL Nope.
5. HAVE TRANSPORT Nope.
6. MATURE YET APPEAR YOUTHFUL & HEALTHY How about "grizzled and likes to fuck young chicks and get drunk"? How does that work for you?
7. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Saltily so.
8. *ROCK STYLE/CASUAL/GLAM" FOR STAGE I'll dress how I goddamned want to.
9. *HWP A PLUS OR WILLING TO LOSE THE XTRA* Really? Height / weight proportionate? That's a band requirement? Really? That's shit you see in the dating section.
10. *EXPERIENCED WITH EQUIPMENT That can be taken any number of ways.

Auditioning with a few of these songs: Back in Black, Racist! Walk the Dog (Aerosmith version) Rock N Roll, Black Dog, Barracuda, Cat Scratch Fever.
You can also try me on a song of your choice, but for sure work a solo into the audition--and the longer the better. I can film your solo if you bring a video
camera, What? or I can catch it on my point and shoot for you to use for future promo regardless of the outcome of the audition. You'll have help in and out with
your kit, or you can host at your studio. Audition mid to late Nov. or beyond depending on schedules. Send email with interest/questions.

This is your big chance to 'not' become a rock star so don't blow it. What? BTW I wrote let's jam for 'kicks & giggles" in a posting a few weeks prior even though the project is
serious--I just didn't want anybody getting serious about anything too fast. I'm a serious musician tho so don't reply unless you are too. No freaks/needle users/
alcoholics Fuck you and.../dealers/know-it-alls ... fuck you./or extremists please--I'm going to screen you pretty good at an interview before scheduling. Absolutely no religious preachers either.

There was a link here, now there isn't.
  • Location: Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


DUDEETTE (girl) drummer wanted for "super cool original rock band" yay (Downtown Saint Paul)


Date: 2012-10-29, 3:29PM CDT


Hi, we are Xxxx Xx Xxxx! These guys have also been here for fucking months. We've got everything we need but a female DRUMMER! Why female, you ask? Because on of you is deluded enough to think that this is a solid strategy to scoring? Well, we all agree there aren't enough women in music, Oh, so it's philanthropy! Well-intentioned though vaguely-misogynist philanthropy! and we want to at least a 1:1 guy girl ratio in our band (which seems arbitrary, No, it seems even if we're lead to believe that you presently have a female musician among your ranks. but we do what we can Will you quit making it sound like philanthropy? Jesus, you're lamer than Daisy Rock Guitars.), and the only instrument we are "really" missing is a drummer. Go figure. We also have the word "girl" in our band name, so that's a good excuse on that point as well, yeah?! No. We are also open to other instruments, violin or keyboards, or second guitar even, but a trash can fighter For the love of Christ, just say "drummer". is our priority. As far as our sound goes, we'd say something like a combination of the Minutemen, Who you don't sound like. Babes in Toyland, Who you don't sound like. Black Flag, Who you sure as shit don't sound like. and Deerhoof. I've heard one song by them and I'm not even sure if I'm thinking of the right band. How about that for a combination? I'd like to see that band. Do you know where I can find them? If any of this seems of interest to you, please let us know! Any questions can be directed to xxxxxxxxx ATTTT gmail DOOOOT com or you can just reply to this message through craigslist whatever.

Thank you thank you
Xxxx xx Xxxx

(for those of you following the xxxx xx xxxx craigslist saga, we had a dude drummer but he wasn't very cool so now we need a drummer, but we got everything else!)
  • Location: Downtown Saint Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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