28 November, 2012

As long as I'm posting videos out of context...

This is pretty great, too, if you're a fan of Fringe and the greatest pop song released in 1985.

I am in love with this right now.

How could I not be?

Prince Goes to the Farmers Market

26 November, 2012

Your weekly musician's ad.

I am not even fooling. Some imbecile waste-of-skin actually posted this.

What do you people think of this? (Forgot)


Date: 2012-11-25, 10:09PM CST


There was a link to shitty music here, now there isn't.

its weird but surprisingly fun. like illegitimate rape.
  • Location: Forgot
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PostingID:3434658305

23 November, 2012

22 November, 2012

Get ready for the best thing ever this week.

From the movie Leningrad Cowboys Go America, quite possibly the greatest dialogue exchange ever between Vladimir, the band's manager, and the record store clerk at Record Ron's (whom I'm assuming is Record Ron).
Since this is part of the Criterion Collection and on Hulu Plus, I have no idea how long that clip will last there. The exchange goes as follows:
Vladimir: Do you have rock and roll?
Record Ron: Of course.
Vladimir: Can I buy it?
Record Ron: Sure. Help yourself.

19 November, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

We have a fair selection this week. I have a hangover.

Bass Player seeks Bass Player (St. Paul)


Date: 2012-11-18, 3:01AM CST


Hey - I'm a professional bass player of 10 years. OK. I'm starting a band, but I don't think I'd be a good fit for it. ? I won't be getting along with everyone very well, so I want to find a replacement for myself before I bother to find any of the other members. Tell me why I'm not following this. Is this a joke? I mostly play slap-slide bass. SSSooo... It goes "bronk"? I'm looking for someone with chops who's actually a decent person and won't be on an ego-trip all the time like I am. As for the style of music, you could take it in a lot of possible directions--it's your project. I'd be happy to fill in as a sub if you're ever too frustrated or depressed to play a show or if your wife leaves you. This is getting... you know... weird. Is this supposed to be "meta" or something? If you have a place to rehearse that would be awesome. I play a red bass with a tall black amp, which I'd be willing to sell for $500. I've got some beach-front property in Utah to sell you. I've got craigslist ads looking for the other members ready to go as soon as I find the right bass player, so if you think you'd be a good replacement for me let me know and we can get this thing started! We? I thought I was replacing you.
  • Location: St. Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID:xxxxxxxxxx


RE: Doesn't anyone want to make a living in music anymore?? (Alloverusa)


Date: 2012-11-16, 4:05PM CST


Well....sorry Dan... I don't think "making a living" at playing music is even possible anymore... I gave it a go back in the 90's Which makes you a total expert on today's economy and music industry climate. and made about 600.00 a week...take off travel expenses, food, hotel, laundry..not much left.. For the sake of being a dick, as recently as 1999, US$600 translates to about US$825. Now, you're making eight hundred twenty five beans per week, exactly where the fuck are you staying? The Hyatt? I was also a musical director for a country band house gig with a 4000 sq ft dance floor for 2 years... paid vacation, paid insurance... Sweet gig. The band sucked..but country music was big and made people drink.... Country music makes people drink? but it closed... People just don't care about live music anymore... Right, nobody goes out to concerts. acoustic, band, or otherwise.... Think they are coming to see your great band? Yes. Think again...they are coming there to drink until they fall down and drool all over the hot blonde there with her friends... Is somebody feeling a bit cynical since having their dreams dashed? Bar owners don't care about how good your band is...they only care about how many customers you can help them get in the door... That's true. I have yet to meet a bar owner who actually gave a rat's ass about the bands they book. Bands have outpriced themselves these days.... a bar owner can get a DJ for less than half the price of a band ... License fees are over the roof for cover bands these days.... You mean people actually pay licensing fees? I thought that shit was an urban myth, like the bars that ask you to hand over your tax information so they can report you on their employment tax record whatever bullshit thing. Most original bands...well...unfortunately they just plain suck most of the time... I mean don't get me wrong MN has hat it's share of "stars" and one hit wonders... Prince...(is he even still alive?) You shut your filthy shit-covered-balls-filled mouth you kiddie-diddling brother fucking worm eater. (And by the way, my little illiterati, I see Prince at least once a week.) Wilco, Wilco are from Chicago, jackass. etc..... Who cares?...There isn't exactly an assembly line of top music stars leaving MN everyday.. Bottom line.... get a job and do the music as a hobby... I still curse myself every night as I stand on stage and see normal people come in and leave as drunken assholes and wonder WTF I am even still doing this... I'm wondering why the fuck you're still talking. With the price of gas these days you will spending more money to get to and from the gig half the time than you will be even be making.....if you're even getting paid at all.... and THAT is the truth.... 10 - 9- 8- 7- 6- 5- 4- 3- 2- 1 - F L A G Can somebody explain to me what the hell that means? (people don't like the truth here...they just make it go away......just like music) Are you drunk? >>>>>

  • Location: Alloverusa
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID:xxxxxxxxxx


OK, remember when I made that whole long drawn out joke about Michael Alig in this batch of musicians' ads? Yeah. I guess I wasn't the only one who took exception to the call for "freaks in heat". Witness...

re: "Freaks in Heat" (msp)


Date: 2012-11-15, 12:48PM CST


Not so much that there is a lack of freaks in this place but that . . . who wants to be described as such? Uh, probably anybody who's ever been outcasted and wears their differences like a badge of honor as opposed to longing for conformity and homogeny but go ahead.

The ad says more about the writer's own predilections and fucked-up, over-TV'd expectations than it does about anyone looking like 'a freak.' Well, he does want sort of a circus sideshow, granted, but that's no reason to get all butt hurt over things.

Also does not help that Mister Promoter will gain all the juju -- the credit, the oom-pah-pah, I've never heard of oom-pah-pah. Is that a thing? even some more money There's money involved? for being able to provide this 'service' -- but is offering what, again?

"All the attention you can handle"?

Why not just post an ad for 'mildly retarded attention whores' next time, dude? Because that's what he did already.

Sheesh . . .
  • Location: msp
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PostingID:xxxxxxxxxx


This one? This one is just weird and can speak for itself.

Trade bands!!! (North Metro)


Date: 2012-11-14, 12:29PM CST


Engagement Ring for Your Gently used PA system.

One 14 KT White Gold ring
Platinum setting containing 3 Natural "Princess cut" diamonds.
Estimated total weight 1.09 Cts
Near colorless G-H
Clarity s1(2)/1(1)
Size 5.5

Lots of compliments on this ring.
If you have a Pa system for sale I will BARDER with you. Tell everyone you know. Tell everyone you know.

If interested will throw in the wedding band... as seen below, for the right $$ price or Pa system.

 
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  • Location: North Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID:xxxxxxxxxx

14 November, 2012

12 November, 2012

Your weekly musician's ad.

When you have something this inspired, it's really all you need.

Pro Raspberry player seeking band (Twin Cities)


Date: 2012-11-06, 12:49PM CST


Hey all-so the title says it all really, but to elaborate, I am a professional raspberry player based in uptown, Minneapolis. I am looking for the opportunity to play to a live audience, and I thought I'd see what Craigslist has to offer, as I have been spending more time in the studio than around the live music scene around here. I have been doing tv/movie gigs for years, using my ability to blow raspberries for certain sound effects-my most prominent gig was the three episode deal I had made with a particular tv drama "Mr. Daisy" which was kind of a 'what if' take on mr. Ed, where instead of the horse talking like people, the main character was a man who could only whinnie and neigh (I just did the whinnies, they brought in another professional for the neighing and grunting). The series only lasted three episodes because to a lot of industry execs' surprise, there actually turned out to be very little interest in a show where the main guy talks like a horse.
With the economy slumping, I have had trouble finding raspberry gigs, and had to reduce myself to the very embarrassing gig of providing a particular bodily function noise for a certain Minneapolis morning radio show host. I feel like I've taken a certain 'artsiness' out of my craft, and want to get back into serious raspberry playing. Previously I tried out for the Minneapolis Symphony for first chair raspberry, but with the lockout, I have a feeling that I won't be getting called anytime soon from them.

As for what I'd like to do live, I have my college degree in music performance and spent much of my formative years raspberry'ing along to prog rock, like king crimson and a little rush. My solo chops are still pretty solid, and I try to be tasteful in my solos. I mean, I am not going to rip out a van halen style raspberry solo during a slow song, and my rhythm chops are ok-I don't get too complex because I want to fit in with a band, and not overtake the band. Recently, I have been sitting in some of the blues jams around towns, and am digging the vibe-raspberry solos, if played correctly, can fit very well in a blues context. At the same time, I don't want you to think I am a music snob, I am just as comfortable raspberry'ing to top 40 hits and the stuff you hear on the Current. So in reality, I am down to play just about anything, so long as the gig pays at least enough to put some gas in the car and keep a roof over my head.

I have my own gear, my custom made microphone and PA and a decent sized pedalboard for some really spacy raspberry ambient-excursions if you're into that kind of thing.

I am available to start as soon as your next practice, although I do have some residual raspberry session work, as Mr. Daisy scored a small appearance on CSI: Miami, and I have a few raspberry-overs to do in New York. However, that'll be closer to February, and it's only a one time thing...I want to get out of the tv work-there just isn't a whole lot of calls for raspberrys, or least not as much as there was in the late 90s. I am hoping that a band contacts me soon, as I also need some money to fund my halfway finished cd, "A Very Raspberry Christmas" where I raspberry a selection of my favorite traditional and modern christmas songs. I have the songs mixed, I just need the money to send it off to the mastering studio.

So please contact me if you are ready to add a new dimension to your band. Let's do this!
  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID:xxxxxxxxxx

05 November, 2012

The return of your weekly musicians' ads.

It was like all the nutters just disappeared for about a minute, wasn't it? This week, however, they're back in black, hitting the sack, been gone too long and glad to be back. In fact, they're on the loose from the noo-
Black? Noose?
I never realized how - I mean - I guess in Australia they have...
Wow. Something to ponder for the rest of the day, huh?

Crate Amplifier Booster..Awesome Sound!...Excellent Shape! (Lakeville)


Date: 2012-11-04, 6:08PM CST
Reply to: see below


For sale is our BX-80 Crate Amplifier Booster. Most people just call it an amplifier but OK. It produces excellent sound. I'd be weary of purchasing anything from anybody who considers a Crate to produce an excellent sound. It has been used a few times but mainly stored away. Its about 7 years old. It can be used for many different applications such as practicing electric guitar, electronic piano or keyboard, t.v. sound system, and many other intstruments can be hooked up to it for excellent sound.
Its in great shape. The speaker screen shows a little wear but nothing significant. The sound is state of the art! State of the art. From a seven year old Crate practice amp.

Some of the features include: Can't wait for this.
Input-Pre shape-Gah What the fuck is "Gah"?
Equalization
Master Dial Do you mean master volume?
Volume Do you mean master volume?
Boost
Line Out/In
Head Phones
Balance Output
Od B Jack Insert Ol' Dirty Bastard joke here.
15 dB Jack

It comes from a smoke free, pet free home.

Measurements:

25" High
21" Wide
13" Deep

We are only asking $95!!! For a seven year old, excellent sounding, state of the art, triple exclamation point worthy Crate practice amp!


If you are interested, please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx. If we don't answer please leave a message for us to call you back. Thank you :)





 
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  • Location: Lakeville
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


This next guy has been on Craigslist for months trying to get people to pay him to run their drum tracks through a circular / orbital panning thingy. This time, he's going nuclear.

Dominate, take-over the Music Industry, (Mpls, Metro, NE.)


Date: 2012-11-03, 8:56PM CDT
Reply to: see below


by doing lots of Viral CDs.(viral. not "virus"). I know the difference, dickhead.
I designed a simple machine to implement an old but seldom used effect that
has been done on expensive software, programmed, as opposed to manual-interactive,
and my device is as simple as it gets, affording better control. My Patent Attourney advised
me to build a simple device, and sell it to create a market for a "Circular Sound Stage". After
the popularity-explosion, I cream all the opposition with the technoligical Somebody tell me why "technoligical" sounds like something to do with a lady's hoopladoopla. improvement,
further along in the patent status. I am hoping someone with enthusiasm and resources
will buy this console model, for $100. I would charge more, But because it was built, rather poorly,
in a hasty afternoon at a COST of about the asking price it's cheaper.. It includes a schematic.
I call it "The Swizzle-Stick." I did a proof-track and put it on I-Tunes, a "Beat" that goes
around, and comes around. I expected the new I-Tunes Juke-Box would use it to cause
swarming from joint to joint, to hear how the effect sounds on the particular
speaker-placement, There is a difficulty in the I-Tunes distribution agenda that
should be rectified soon, lest they lose advantage. As much as I'm not sure what the fuck that last sentence means, I like the chutzpah on this guy, that he assumes that he knows how to run Apple's business better than Apple does. Oegan-Grinder 1.1-A.
Create a logo, start a company, and do some tracks. I would make more, and sell them,
but SHIPPING Costs are rediculous. Easy there, Todd. So, you gotta pick it up. No demonstration,
no cables or accessories,except an attached $35-dollar pre-amp. Fuck that, hombre. For ninety five beans I can go get a state of the art seven year old Crate practice amp that somebody used to run their TV through. I hold your
100 dollars for 24 hours, and you can test, make a track, or steal the idea, and then
get a full rebate, within the 24 hours. xxx-xxx-xxxx. 12-6 PM.













 
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  • Location: Mpls, Metro, NE.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Looking for Freaks in Heat (Minneapolis)


Date: 2012-11-03, 9:50AM CDT


Greetings, Hello.

I am looking for band sluts, club freaks, tattooed fire breathers, sword swallowing midgets and roller skating cross dressing nyphos to spice up the scene at local venues. Isn't this basically the premise of Party Monster? You know, with the Club Kids? You know, that whole troupe lead by Michael Alig?

What's in it for you? Uh, getting murdered? The same thing that's always in it for you, free admission to the clubs, Like the Club Kids had. free drinks Like the Club Kids had. and of course all the attention you can handle. Like the Club Kids had. I've got to tell you something, Scoob, I'm not sure I like this.

You don't have to be a complete nut, but If you love dressing up, Like the Club Kids did. having fun Like the Club Kids did. and know how to rock and roll Like the Clu- No. Wait. They were into shitty club music. I think we might be OK. message me now.


 
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  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Xxxxxxxxx X (with an umlaut) Xxxxxx looking for a Bass Player(Stand Up?) (Anoka/Mpls/St.Paul)


Date: 2012-10-31, 11:29PM CDT


Hello,

We are the trio Xxxxxxxxx X (with an umlaut) Xxxxxx. We are looking for a bass player to round out the low end. Vocals a Plus! We are: Xxx - Vocals/Guitar/Harmonicas - Xxxxxx - Vocals/Jiggle Jiggle? There's an instrument called a jiggle, now, or are you commenting on the woman's [ahem] endowments? Because that's a little weird, guy. - Xxxx - Mandolin

We practice usually every Tuesday Evening and occasionally on Sat. We gig out at least one to two times per month. Check us out and get back to us.

Thanks,

Xxx

There were links here, now there aren't.
  • Location: Anoka/Mpls/St.Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


My hats in the ring for a Drummer also!! (Metro )


Date: 2012-10-30, 11:08PM CDT


1. BE RELIABLE, I just need an extra fifteen minutes. PLEASANT Fuck you.
2. COOPERATIVE WITH PHOTO WORK/PROMO So you want me to stand still while I get my picture taken. Got it.
3. INDUSTRIOUS & CREATIVE Nope.
4. VOCALS A PLUS BUT NOT ESSENTIAL Nope.
5. HAVE TRANSPORT Nope.
6. MATURE YET APPEAR YOUTHFUL & HEALTHY How about "grizzled and likes to fuck young chicks and get drunk"? How does that work for you?
7. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Saltily so.
8. *ROCK STYLE/CASUAL/GLAM" FOR STAGE I'll dress how I goddamned want to.
9. *HWP A PLUS OR WILLING TO LOSE THE XTRA* Really? Height / weight proportionate? That's a band requirement? Really? That's shit you see in the dating section.
10. *EXPERIENCED WITH EQUIPMENT That can be taken any number of ways.

Auditioning with a few of these songs: Back in Black, Racist! Walk the Dog (Aerosmith version) Rock N Roll, Black Dog, Barracuda, Cat Scratch Fever.
You can also try me on a song of your choice, but for sure work a solo into the audition--and the longer the better. I can film your solo if you bring a video
camera, What? or I can catch it on my point and shoot for you to use for future promo regardless of the outcome of the audition. You'll have help in and out with
your kit, or you can host at your studio. Audition mid to late Nov. or beyond depending on schedules. Send email with interest/questions.

This is your big chance to 'not' become a rock star so don't blow it. What? BTW I wrote let's jam for 'kicks & giggles" in a posting a few weeks prior even though the project is
serious--I just didn't want anybody getting serious about anything too fast. I'm a serious musician tho so don't reply unless you are too. No freaks/needle users/
alcoholics Fuck you and.../dealers/know-it-alls ... fuck you./or extremists please--I'm going to screen you pretty good at an interview before scheduling. Absolutely no religious preachers either.

There was a link here, now there isn't.
  • Location: Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


DUDEETTE (girl) drummer wanted for "super cool original rock band" yay (Downtown Saint Paul)


Date: 2012-10-29, 3:29PM CDT


Hi, we are Xxxx Xx Xxxx! These guys have also been here for fucking months. We've got everything we need but a female DRUMMER! Why female, you ask? Because on of you is deluded enough to think that this is a solid strategy to scoring? Well, we all agree there aren't enough women in music, Oh, so it's philanthropy! Well-intentioned though vaguely-misogynist philanthropy! and we want to at least a 1:1 guy girl ratio in our band (which seems arbitrary, No, it seems even if we're lead to believe that you presently have a female musician among your ranks. but we do what we can Will you quit making it sound like philanthropy? Jesus, you're lamer than Daisy Rock Guitars.), and the only instrument we are "really" missing is a drummer. Go figure. We also have the word "girl" in our band name, so that's a good excuse on that point as well, yeah?! No. We are also open to other instruments, violin or keyboards, or second guitar even, but a trash can fighter For the love of Christ, just say "drummer". is our priority. As far as our sound goes, we'd say something like a combination of the Minutemen, Who you don't sound like. Babes in Toyland, Who you don't sound like. Black Flag, Who you sure as shit don't sound like. and Deerhoof. I've heard one song by them and I'm not even sure if I'm thinking of the right band. How about that for a combination? I'd like to see that band. Do you know where I can find them? If any of this seems of interest to you, please let us know! Any questions can be directed to xxxxxxxxx ATTTT gmail DOOOOT com or you can just reply to this message through craigslist whatever.

Thank you thank you
Xxxx xx Xxxx

(for those of you following the xxxx xx xxxx craigslist saga, we had a dude drummer but he wasn't very cool so now we need a drummer, but we got everything else!)
  • Location: Downtown Saint Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

01 November, 2012

This is the best thing ever this week.

There's this movie called Hank and Mike about a pair of Easter Bunnies that get laid off from their jobs as Easter Bunnies. In this scene, the villain (played by Chris Klein) who downsized Hank and Mike's company unknowingly befriends Mike in a bar while Hank stays at home and tries to off himself. (Yeah, it's a black comedy.) Chris Klein then proceeds to join the Silver Hearts on stage and belt out the following song...
Hank and Mike is streaming on Netflix and I'm laughing my ass off. Go check it out.

(NOTE: I just found out this song is called "It Happens in Florida" by a band called The Burning Hell.)
 
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