31 October, 2012

Prince Puts Together His Halloween Costume

29 October, 2012


So, I'm basically just going to do a series of women playing guitars. I'm going to do maybe a dozen of them. Here's six out of the eight I have done, so far.

25 October, 2012

I never told you about the awesome fucking weekend I had.

Really, since I haven't posted here at SD&A on the reg in a long while, this is hardly going to be musically related, I'm just trying to keep sharp on a skill that I haven't used in a while. I mean, yeah, I've been busy writing a novel but that's different. And Stories About Prince is a different thing, too. Posting at SD&A, though? Fuck. Need to get on that.
So, on a not-at-all-musically-related note, let me tell you about the weekend that I had.
To your left, you'll see your friend and narrator with a bolshy nozh having shived a litso into this squash's gulliver and having like done away with its keeshkahs. I'm dressed to the height of fashion which on that day was to wear a shlapa and some simple platties with a like picture of a nagoy devotchka with her horrorshow groodies out.
Later that night, I tried my hand at shish kabobs.
I cubed a steak and marinated it in some oil and balsamic vinegar with some thyme and marjoram and sugar, then I skewered the cubes with cherry tomatoes, pearl onions, and button mushrooms and broiled them in corn husks. Georgie made sweet potatoes.
The next day, I had bloody marys with a guest and then I had to pick up hot sauce from Hai Nguyen (which I don't know how to pronounce correctly so I call it "High Noon") and since said guest had never been in an Asian grocer's, she decided to accompany me to pick up my Tapatío and then she lost her nut over that they had catfish and then she wanted to buy a catfish and I had to tell her that if she wanted a catfish to buy the damned catfish (because I kind of wanted some catfish, too).
So, on Sunday, I skinned my first catfish. It was quite horrorshow. No, actually it was a pain in the ass but I guess anything you do for the first time is a pain in the ass.
She found a recipe online for beer-batter and I had this weird bottle of Mott's Caesar (clamato and vodka) that we used instead of beer. I double battered the catfish and whipped up some tartar sauce and that was that.
Then we were still hungry. So we went to Jimmy John's. Then we went to the Black Forest. Then we went to Georgie's. Then nobody got to sleep until five in the morning.
It was a pretty good damned weekend.

I warned you that I was about to get all graphic art crazy up in here.

24 October, 2012

17 October, 2012

15 October, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Went to the gay bar last night. Shot some billiards. Had two scotch and sodas. Saw one unconvincing tranny and three different well-dressed men asked to touch my beard. It's a bit of an invasion of my personal space but I figure that if I let the ladies do it, why should I have some homophobic double standard?
Also, it boosts my self-esteem when I get complimented.
Anyway, the point is that I went out last night and I'm not the least bit hungover. That was the point.

Lets make music shall we !:) (Mpls)

Date: 2012-10-14, 12:52PM CDT

Music is my life ! Great. Look at this fuckin' guy.
I am 18 & I sing . & I do not play instruments . . . SSSooo... talentless? My dream is that I wanna find someone Honey, we all dream of finding someone. But watch, it's the moment that you stop looking that they find you. or people to form a duo or a band that are around my age & around my area . Those who are fun , cool , & chill :) . Most importantly find those who are passionate about this as I am . I am very new to this duo or band Which duo or band are you new to? so bare with me . I reeally want this ! In the past few months, I've said that about the Cuisinart Griddler, (I mean, just look at it), the Dark Shadows box set (on my Amazon wishlist, my little illiterati, hint hint), an Eastwood Ichiban, guitar lessons from Richard Lloyd, a Bianchi Pista, and a few other things. I think right now I just want a new cock & ball ring and a pencil case.
Oh, what? You wanted me to make a joke out of something? No, I was just listing stuff I want.

My sound that I am into now
- original songs
Artist like ;
The Civil Wars Never heard of them.
The lumineers I think I've heard of them.
Mumford & sons Every time I hear the name, I think of some cover band. It's a cover band, right?
etc .
I would like to find someone (a Guy) That's so gay. who plays guitar . . Pretty much
experienced. You just gotta know how to really play lol . Why? You don't. & also who knows how to sing & If you can write songs that is a plus . I do not have to demos or anything like that but if you want my number No.I'll sing for you:) No. or and maybe we can sing together . No. to see how are vocies collide:) How does a vocie collide with another, pray tell? At least be creative :) So wait. You're telling us that you're coming to this table empty handed: You can't play an instrument, you're lacking in the creative department and you can't write songs, and you're implying that you either haven't the wherewithal or the ambition to record just your voice, thus saddling prospective bandmates with the lion's share of the artistic and technical tasks.
I hope you own a van or something.
This would be amazing if I get responses :)
Thank you for your time .
talk to you soon :)
  • Location: Mpls
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Rock/Indie Drummer Needed (Minneapolis/Savage)

Date: 2012-10-13, 5:56PM CDT

My Three (soon to be Four) piece band and I are looking for a drummer And then you'll be a quartet. Hot dog, that's some mathematics! that's looking to gig, record, and possibly tour.

Our band already has:
A bassist: Who is a Sophomore at Mcnally Smith. My alma mater's rival. (that means we record for free) Yeah, I was going to say something snide here but free studio recording is a pretty sweet deal. I'll come up with something snarky on the next one.
A Guitarist/singer: Last year he was in the #1 high school Jazz band. And one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. Whatever. Wow me.
And me (guitarist): I'm just super cool (and really modest) Haha! He made a funny!

We literally Literally. have all the material picked out, the songs written, the works.
We just need you!

Feel free to call or text me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email me through the email posted.
  • Location: Minneapolis/Savage
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BASS PLYER HERE (somewhwe)

Date: 2012-10-13, 10:26AM CDT

This man is a craftsman in the fine art of clown shoes insanity. Read on...
this is xxx here i play a mean bass som kats say i look like someone froM UFO? my swinging back forwar d and fallinginto stuff is just a skit i keep in time most ofthe time.. im the king of bass u will need my beat i dont drive but know how to get on a bus, LETS ROCK LETS PLAY UFO AND STUFF As much as I'd like to show you this space cadet's attempt at creatively writing his phone number using homophones and synonyms, that'd still be giving out his number and I'm not going to do that.

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  • Location: somewhwe
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

looking for metal bassist. (newhope )

Date: 2012-10-11, 6:16PM CDT

hi i am xxxxx xxxxxx Hi, xxxxx xxxxxx. and i am looking to start a new project. OK. the idea will be a metal band so its pretty clear. Got it. i am not looking for too much grind riffs. And cue the blistering arrogance in three... it will get technical at times Two... and it may be required to write stuff down on paper One... GO! in fact that is a given you will be writing shit down on paper or guitar pro... whatever it is. versatility will be required too as it seems different tastes will be included in this band. And then, as if nothing just happened, we just carry on. i am so far looking for a bassist and another guitar player like myself. i have been jamming with some drummers recently and one of em i'm sure won't mind starting a project. Wait a minute. All the blinkers on my arrogantometer are lighting up like Xmas! as far as guitar playing goes Yes, about the guitar playing, as far as that goes... i can give out some tips if you need but for bass playing your on your own sorry, i know nothing about it lol.

(xxx) xxx-xxxx
home phone

or this email address...
  • Location: newhope
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PUNK PUNK PUNK Songwriter / Lyricist (Minneapolis Area)

Date: 2012-10-10, 10:43AM CDT

I am an "Amateur" Whatever !!! I'm not sure your introductory announcement that you're an amateur of some sort that even you clearly cannot distinguish by your choice of the word "whatever" necessitates a triple exclamation point but go on. Fuck em. Yeah. Fuck 'em.
Sorry, who are we fucking exactly?

Anyway . I am a Lyricist / Songwriter for Punk Style Music. Ah, you see? You're not a "whatever". You're a songwriter. And hopefully one with a job.
Influences range from the Wagner , The Wagner? Do I have to Google this? [Googles] Uh... Huh? The Beatles(Late stuff, Fuck , i Don't wanna hold your hand, I want in !! ) What the fuck are you talking about? , Ramones , Clash, Violent Fems., For real? You claim them as an influence and you can't even spell their name right? Doors, Nirvana.
If your sick of the American Idol culture You know? It doesn't bother me. But that's probably because all I watch on TV are Tigers games. and want to sing to the real people, As opposed to what other kind of people? the people that have a social conscious. I would love to talk and maybe get together to work on some songs.
I am not a performer, I am a Lyricist and creative idea type. Oh. So... Uh... OK. OK, then. You're a hack.
This is a verse from something I have been kicking around today, I have a lot more stuff,
If this is something you may want to collaborate on lets talk.

Picture this as a Ramones commando style or a clash Guns of Brixton Two very different songs, stylistically. But in the interest of not being a total stick in the mud, I'll try to combine the two in my head. or and i like this idea..A drum. A drum. and a bass line Oh! And a bass line, too! Think of that! under the lyrics. Up to you if you like them. If you don't , Who gives a fuck. Uh, you? You give a fuck. You're supposed to because you're trying to impress upon people that this is something important and something you believe in that can't just be tossed out by any old hack or shrugged off like it's not that big of a deal. That's why you're here: you're looking for like-minded individuals with whom you can mutually value and appreciate each other's creative works and hopefully collaborate on a large scale, long term project.
So, you do, guy. You give a fuck.

His lyrics were here, now they aren't.

  • Location: Minneapolis Area
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13 October, 2012

Recent Love (I'm Trying Too Hard to Make a Point Edition)

The United Sons of Toil, Forces of Production
OK, let it be known that I know next to nothing about techno.
I say techno because my "musical awakening" or whatever you want to call it occurred during the nineties and you had techno and then techno-industrial. Sure, there was house, there was garage, there was dub, I think jungle might have been around, but to a northwest Ohio teen whose exposure to music was MTV and fanzines (this was back when the internet was all html and featured all of thirty two colors, mind you), if things sounded vaguely computerized, it was called techno. There were probably hipper and savvier teens than yours truly but I never met them.
Something like White Zombie's Supersexy Swingin' Sounds? Their remix record? Yeah, that was techno. Things like that fell under the umbrella of techno.
So, when the United Sons of Toil submit their remix record? Yeah, I buckle up a little because I'm sure I'm going to be listening to techno.
Granted, techno's come a long way since its earliest incarnation in 19coughmumblejumble2 and we have things like dubstep and dreamcore and acid this and house that. To me? It's by the fault of my teenage musical tastes (not techno) that all of these things get labeled as techno.
The deal with Forces of Production, however, is that it's not a techno record. It's - and I'm sorry if this is too wordy but I'm on my second day off after a twelve-day stretch - a reconstruction record. A record where the band essentially has said, "You've heard this song, how do you think it should go?" From skimming USoT's blog (which has sadly detailed the band's recent end in the latest blog post), it appears as though the band selected a handful of musicians and other sound artists to recombinate (I heard that word in a sci-fi movie once, stop hating) their songs. Then they took the best of the batch and put together a handsome package of their songs filtered through the ears, the brains, and then the mouse clicks of these trusted artists.
Now, I like a good remix record. It's why I brought up White Zombie's Supersexy Swingin' Sounds a minute ago; I like that record. I still own the cassette. I still play it occasionally.
And if USoT will allow me to continue on the comparison between them and a campy 90s horror/groove-metal/techno outfit (born from an 80s Sonic Youth-ish noise-rock attempt at stadium metal) (don't give me that look, just listen to Gods on Voodoo Moon sometime), I'll say that what works on Forces of Production is the same thing that worked on Supersexy Swingin' Sounds. That is to say that the songs that work with rearranging the presented material work just as well with the songs that bring forth their own elements.
Maybe I should explain that.
(Maybe I shouldn't.)
The songs that take the basic, raw recorded tracks and remix them and splice them and rearrange them work hand-in-hand where the remixer arranged a whole new musical piece using the instruments and sequencers and such at their disposal.
You get me, right?
So, what you have is a collection of songs that sound like different arrangements performed by a band in a studio alongside songs that sound like they were conjured on a laptop. And it all works. The difference is that, in the end, unlike the White Zombie record I have to stop mentioning, you have a record that could stand on its own as the fourth (and sadly final) installment in USoT's catalog. According to USoT's blog, the band and the artistic community involved in this project dedicated a little over a year to get this thing put together (I think) (OK, what is up with me and the parentheses today?), so this is going to be quality.
When Russel emailed me the review copy, I told him that I would put it on my phone so I could listen to it on my bike rides. Well, honestly, the end of convention season being exceptionally grueling, my assistant manager taking a trip to Utah, work in general, those all hindered me giving this an extensive listen. I listened to it when I could, which wasn't all that often but I've made it through about five or six listens which means that I'm on either six or seven, right now. Actually, I think the number might be up to a dozen or so, really.
Either way, I was listening to Forces of Production as I went to cash my paycheck yesterday (Saturday) and I figured that since Kowalski's was right next door to my bank that I would go there instead of to Rainbow where I know the layout, the prices are good, and the cashiers are attractive.
So, I'm in Kowalski's - which, by the way, is where monied people go to shop from the looks of things - and their produce section makes no sense to me. Spinach comes in a plastic container and there are no such things as potatoes apparently. When I get over to the meat department to pick up a corned beef brisket, they (amazingly) have no corned beef. Motherfuckers have bacon-wrapped rib tips and sausage stuffed chickens and beef-wrapped chicken breasts breaded with feta and herbs... shit like that. Motherfuckers have leg of lamb.
Bitch, you ever have leg of lamb?
I've never had leg of lamb.
You know how much leg of lamb costs?
The gam they had on display was easily a six or seven pounder, too.
But no corned beef.
So imagine you're in some froo-froo, upscale grocer's. You can't find spinach. They got nine kinds of romaine lettuce but no spinach. They got these things called fingerling potatoes that don't count as potatoes. And they've got all sorts of red meat monstrosities aside from corned goddamned beef. (It also helps if you're like me and your half-Irish side demands a once-per-month injection of corned beef.) (Man, I'm just all kinds of parenthetical, today.)
Imagine that you're surrounded by forty-something single guys picking over the lettuces and hollow-eyed teenagers stocking shelves and fifty-something women with unconvincing blonde dye jobs and half-way-to-Jersey tans carting their baskets around and that there's a parking lot full of last year's model cars and the married couples are looking in the wine shop matching their beverages to cheeses with funny names.
Imagine you're surrounded by this. And you're in your SOHIO windbreaker with a messenger bag on your back. You've got your headphones in. You're listening to a remix record by a punk band. And, while you're looking for some goddamned corned beef, the guy behind the counter asks if he can help you. He's nice, he's professional, he's not like you in that he gives a shit about helping a customer or can at least pretend. But you can't hear him. So, you pull an ear bud out and before you can ask him if he has any corned beef brisket, you hear Paula Abdul's "Straight Up, Now Tell Me" on the muzak.
Well, he says he doesn't have that.
You thank him and put your ear bud back in and resume listening to USoT.
And, a split second later, you realize that you need to leave this froo-froo grocery store. They don't have anything you are looking for. (Yes, that includes droids.) (Parenthetical Star Wars joke!)
So you kick over the display rack of Cap'N'Crunch, you punch a cougar in the nose, spit across the register, and say, "Seacrest out!"
Well, maybe not that far. But Forces of Production definitely was, for me, the soundtrack to taking a fifteen minute gander out how the other half lives and being pretty bewildered that the monied apparently don't eat potatoes or corned beef. Well, maybe they do; I mean, they have to, right? It's just that their grocer doesn't sell that stuff.
Sometimes, all you want is corned beef and taters.
You don't want eleven-herb cod. You don't want bacon-wrapped turducken. You don't want chicken-fried rib eyes with feta crumbles and an orange-parsley glaze.
That's what's up with Forces of Production. It's free from weird bullshit. It's a rock record remixed to sound like a rock record.
USoT put together some meat and taters. Said meat and taters already had all the salt and pepper they needed. But, you know, sometimes you need something a little different. So they handed their songs to this guy who can do a fantastic vodka sauce. Little Joey Scab Knees down the way can work olive oil and garlic like you-don't-know. Sarah with the lop-sided tits is handy with a simple peanut and mushroom sauce. Guillermo, you know Guillermo, that cat that does Billy Ocean at karaoke night? Orange and cinnamon glaze. Anita can school you on the difference between the various egg dishes like Benedict, Florentine, Hemingway... all one ingredient off from the other.
And that's how this record feels. It doesn't feel like a total remix or reinterpretation, it feels like somebody added an ingredient here, made a substitution there. But, in the end, it still projects the soul of the dishes on USoT's original menus (here meaning records).
Really, you just need to listen to this record.

10 October, 2012

Will You Scary Me? A List of Five Very, Very, Deeply and Awfully Frightening Songs

OK. I'm bored. I've got 20 minutes. Halloween's coming up soon. Let's do this. I'm not counting Whitehouse or Sutcliffe Jugend because that shit is just too easy and not counting live versions of songs I've heard by the Birthday Party or Swans or what-have-you because that's too specific and too nit-picking. I'm not counting Diamanda Galas because I don't find her very scary. And I'm not counting Scott Walker's The Drift because picking the most individually scary moment on that slab of horror is like picking the most individually scary image inside "The Garden of Earthly Delights." Studio versions. Let's go.

5. Suicide, "Frankie Teardrop." Sort of a boring choice, I guess, but I mean, shit - it's still amazingly effective. I've heard "Frankie Teardrop" for years and years, but I am still, to this day, never able to anticipate Alan Vega's first stifled yelp. And it makes me jump every time I hear it, even in broad daylight. That's power.

4. Throbbing Gristle, "Very Friendly." So you say you're a hardened listener, you got ears made of reinforced concrete, all that shit. That's very fortunate because this will chip away at your mind. Scarier even than "Hamburger Lady" (because it's catchier and quite perversely funny, therefore far sicker), "Very Friendly" is 18 minutes that mostly consist of a two-note fuzz bassline so degenerate and so gross-sounding that it could induce nightmares on its own. However, that doesn't take Genesis P-Orridge's lyrics into consideration, which chronicle the Moors Murders in excruciating detail, or his vocals, which seem to treat the whole sorry true story as really a wonderful little joke.

3. Brainbombs, "Macht." There are a lot of Brainbombs songs that straddle the line between hilariously offensive camp, self-consciously offensive and indefensibly vile garbage, and just plain terror, and this song may well be the scariest thing they will ever record. Five minutes of utterly brutalizing guitar noise in E minor - it makes Teenage Jesus and the Jerks sound like restrained preschoolers - with Peter Raberg's most effective vocal ever (he sounds subdued and terrified, for once) narrating the Nazis' invasion of Poland, it makes most "scary" bands sound as intimidating as Casper the Friendly Ghost in comparison.

2. Oxbow, "The Stabbing Hand." Nine minutes that switch schizophrenically between unsettling musique concrete - an organ hums to itself atonally while a bunch of seemingly unrelated musical details float in and out of the mix, while way in the back of the mix a severely emotionally traumatized man sobs and cries himself to sleep - and absolutely homicidal noise so tightly wound and frightening that it will make you feel dreadfully unhappy. That's not even considering Eugene Robinson's... um... well... I guess we'll have to call it singing - though the howled/whispered/shrieked personification of every murderous impulse you've ever had is probably more accurate.

1. Swans, "Young God." Michael Gira's agonized howling on this song is still, to this day, like nothing I have ever heard come out of a human being's throat. It sounds like someone who is literally in hell. It's still probably the most frightening song I've ever heard.

Prince Gets Pooped On

08 October, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Some of you may not get what I'm about to say but, seriously, I need to make these quick because a motherfucker named Lord Wigglesbottom (yes) is completely wrong about Prometheus and he needs to know this. So let's get this shit out of the way.

guitarist (minneapolis, bloomington)

Date: 2012-10-01, 4:32PM CDT

Music type is Rock As opposed to paper or scissor music?

Me n a singer are looking for an extra guy or girl who can play basic power chords and a few other things, Hello.
this would be best for someone who has only been playing guitar for a6 months or a year How about seventeen years?
it would be a learning experience For the six-monther, yes.

NOT LOOKING FOR PROS... Still, hello.
this would be great for someone who wants to learn
songs and can take basic direction I'm out.

email me

main thing is we get along well Still out.

  • Location: minneapolis, bloomington
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No one for metal? Guitarist looking... (South Metro)

Date: 2012-10-03, 8:18PM CDT

Where's all the metalheads? Hello. Experienced guitarist here looking to join or start something heavy. OK. I listen to a bit of everything but would like to do something that incorporates elements of power, OK. thrash, I'm liking it. heavy, I wasn't aware that light metal existed but OK. and prog metal, I'm out. even some hard rock (ei. Edguy). Who the fuck is Edguy? [Googles.] Uh... [makes it seventeen seconds into the video] No. Just some good old fashioned mid-fast tempo melodic stuff.

Stuff I listen to: Testament, Meh. Opeth, Eh. Iced Earth, Meleveh. Blind Guardian, Brebebeh Accept, Ehgeh. Arcturus, Germeh. Iron Maiden, Feh. Edguy, Neh. Children of Bodom Kehmelehmelemeh. (older stuff), Symphony X Bleh. and tons more.

Since everyone wants recordings/videos before they'll even talk to you these days, here's a little riff medley I threw together:
There was a link here, now there isn't.

About me: 27 years old, stage and studio experienced, good gear/trans/job, do my homework, able to practice on a weekly basis.

*Note: I am Christian. My Spidey-Sense tells me we're about to get the "I'm an open-minded Christian and I don't care what you believe as long as your beliefs don't offend me speech". I don't care what you are or aren't so long as you are open minded and can compromise on lyrics that are profanity-free Suck the shit out of my asshole, you kiddie-diddling brother-fucking worm eater, and spit the shit into your mother's vagina while you watch me fuck your grandfather in his trache hole. How about that? and also free of any anti-God/pro-evil messages. So, in other words, you do care about my beliefs.
Don't we all just love willfully oblivious / overly pious Christian hypocrisy?

  • Location: South Metro
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anyone remember 2i?


Date: 2012-10-06, 8:31PM CDT

they were great, weren't they? How should I know?
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Looking for the funkiest guitarist on the planet!!!

Date: 2012-10-07, 5:16PM CDT

XxxXxxxxxxXxxxxxx, a 10-piece nu-funk, neo-soul, & R&B band That sounds painfully white? based Around ten white people? out of Minneapolis Where you can't get much whiter except from Canada? is looking for White people? a White? talented, White? funky, Oh, you meant black this entire time? guitarist that is interested in working on original material and moving forward with a high-potential project. The band has frequently performed at White people bars? major local venues (The Fine Line, O'Gara's,The Cabooze, and Bunker's to name a few). Influences are AAAnnnddd get ready to Google! Dwele, BLACK! Maxwell, BLACK! Earth Wind & Fire, BLACK! RH Factor, OLD AND WHITE! Lettuce MULTICULTURAL WITH A BLONDE MOTHERFUCKER NAMED JESUS! and the well-known bands that represent the Minneapolis sound.

We will be holding auditions on October 17th, 24th, and 31st for those seriously interested. Please contact A white motherfucker. Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxx @ xxx-xxx-xxxx or reply to the link in the 'Reply to:' field above.

Check out our music at: A bunch of links to white people! Looking forward to meeting you!
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03 October, 2012

01 October, 2012

This is the second week in a row without musicians' ads.

To make up for my community letting me down and thus letting you down, let me share with you a video of a Flairs live performance. Because Flairs are awesome.
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