13 August, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

For real, I opened up the office this morning, answered a few emails that neither my assistant manager or my seasonal staffer bothered answering this weekend, and then some French guy came in to the office, said "good morning" and asked me if I wanted to "smook a leetle weed".
At nine thirty in the fucking morning. After I clock in.

Drummer HERE!!!! Hardcore/pop/whatever! (Lake Calhoun)

Date: 2012-08-12, 3:12PM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

And we're about to lose cabin pressure in three... two... one... So heres the deal, i NEED a band. He needs it. Its my life. It's his very essence. I have drummed for all my life When he crowned from his mother's vagina, he crowned with a drum stick in each hand. im 19. Therefor old enough that I can make fun of you. Which doesnt sound like a lot i know.. lol but ill give samples. I have been in hardcore metal bands but im wanting to do something else. Im down for a metal/hardcore band if it comes up and catches my ear but i really wanna do something different. Here we go. Im looking for a band that wants to be more pop sounding! More like All Time Low, Was that the band I heard for the first time last week? (reads last week's batch of ads) Yeah. Still don't remember what they sound like. Blink 182, possibly I See Stars, Take cover, the more pop scene. Never been in that kind of band Never been in that kind of band. but im serious about it. But he's serious about it.
Let that sink in: He's never done it. Has no experience in it. Has heretofore told us that the bulk of his experience has been in metal (or what the kids call metal anymore). Yet this thing that he's never tried, he's dead fucking serious about.

If you want more info let me know.

Previous bands.. Listen to the drumming.. im the drummer. No shit, Sherlock. lol You didn't have to LOL that.

There was a link with a cool band name here. He should name his next band this band name.

I got rid of this link, too. (the only song on here thats me is "Despise and Rejoice" by Of Saints and Martyrs) THATS THE ONLY SONG BY ME

Another cool band name. At least the kid either knows how to name a band or associate himself with people who do. I'll give him that much. (Last band I was in)

email/text if you have any questions (only text)
xxx_xxxxxx@yahoo.com Oh, that's why!
  • Location: Lake Calhoun
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

CAPTAIN CHARLIE CD available! (anywhere and everywhere)

I'm sorry, what?

CAPTAIN CHARLIE CD available! (anywhere and everywhere)

OK, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this is somebody who is completely unaware of my existence and not trying to deliberately piss me off by taking my good name and making it sound like something either a gay stripper or a franchise of clam restaurants would go by by appending a nautical rank to it.

Date: 2012-08-12, 2:20PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hey everyone and thanks for clicking! Captain Charlie here, Just for the record? Not me. just letting everyone know I have my cd available again. Great, because I totally recall asking. Some of you may know me from Tru Tv's Vegas Jailhouse (was arrested for street performing in Las Vegas). [Googles] Uh... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_vIpa2Ert0 and uh... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmdBJupSg6E "Please Tip for Photos, This is my 'Real Job'". Wow.
[shakes head]

You can preview my cd on my website, I just gave her fifteen minutes of fame up there, let's not go hog wild. I'll tell you this much, though: According to her homepage, homegirl here is bonkers. (click on the music link). And if you'd like the cd, you can email me. Feel free to contact me on facebook too (Nope.)

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Captain Charlie
All these links are gone.

  • Location: anywhere and everywhere
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Rock Drummer For Non-Pussy Band??? (Uptown)

Sorry guy. I don't drum and I like pussy.

Date: 2012-08-11, 10:16PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Established rock and fucking roll Rock and fucking roll! Whoo! band seeks punk/rock drummer. Bitches!
Band is from Philadelphia, Straight up Rocky Balboa style, motherfuckers! recently relocated to Minneapolis. Because motherfu- Wait. Why?
Band has an EP released, OK and the name of the EP? and a full-length in progress (drums recorded).

Must be available for small (1~2 wk.) regional tours throughout the US. Reasonable for an established rock band.
Must be able to learn drum parts by ear. Bass, snare, bass bass, snare. There. I'm in.
Must be available to rehearse _at_least_ once a week. Reasonable.

Serious inquirers _only_. Please email for links to our material.
S my Bs with your M. Ah, ha ha ha! You had me going there. I thought you were using lazy internet shorthand to request that I Send you samples or links or something, with B being for some new word for the samples and M being for the other but then why would I send you your own work and then I picked up on it. Suck on your Balls with my Mouth. Clever. Clever and charming. You're really going to win over potential drummers by telling them to fellate you.
So, non-pussy band? Guys blowing guys?
Nice. Subtle.
\m/ -.- \m/
  • Location: Uptown
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

fuck you join my punk band or whatever (downtown st paul)

Great, this fucking guy.

Date: 2012-08-10, 10:07PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

A link to a band that has advertised on Craigslist before was here, now there isn't.

if you like our music (or don't) Ding ding ding! and think you can play it then I'm all game.

if you're going to half ass it fuck off

:) Really? The colon / end parentheses smiley? On its own? Cripes.

  • Location: downtown st paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Looking for Producer for Nerdcore Project (NE Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-08-10, 7:30AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hello CLers:

I know nerd is chicle Chiclets? and chic now, but I'm almost 29 and I've been reading comic books, playing video games and immersing myself into nerd/geek culture for about 2 decades now. I'm listening. I'm not saying I'm going to listen favorably, but I'm listening.

Anyways, the genre of Nerdcore intrigues me a lot. Why? You're nearly thirty. I've even wrote the words to a couple of tracks using a beat maker and such. However, I'm complete rubbish using Fruity Loops or anything like that.

This is where you'd come in: Making beats and rhythms for me as we form some sort of Nerdcore project along the lines of MC Chris, Everybody says MC Chris. MC Lars, Danger Doom (or MF Doom really), It's OK. Everybody knows that the only reason you got into MF Doom was through Danger Doom because of the Adult Swim record they made. MC Frontalot, Optimus Rhyme, Deltron 3030, Commodore 64 or any artists similar to that.

As I said previously, I have the words to about 3 songs already written down; One about Torrents and Illegal Downloads, Hey, 2001 called. It says it's happy to be relevant again but is done being debated. one about Tetris Because that'll get you laid.
Well, I'm assuming in the nerdcore circles that, yeah, that will actually get him laid. By chicks with really out there paraphilias.
and another about Nikola Tesla. I won't lie: I dug it when Bowie played Tesla in The Prestige. Obviously, since its a collaboration, and essentially group, you'd be an equal partner on anything. Hell, if you even want to sing on the tracks, I'd more than welcome that too! Yes, I want to sing on the tracks. I want to remind people what being a nerd really was back in the day. Maybe that makes me ON (Original Nerd?) and a cranky one at that but, yeah, there was nothing cute about being socially awkward, intelligent, and interested in obscure or underground things at the same time back in the day. Not like now, how it's been fetishized and pumped down the public's throat with the marketing tag that it's adorable to be a nerd now with shite like Big Bang Theory. Try to be a nerd growing up in southeast Toledo circa the 80s and early nineties. We weren't cool, we weren't fashionable, we didn't have girlfriends and guys wanted to beat us up because they knew we couldn't fight back. And did they call us nerds? No. They called us faggots and spit on us.
And while I suppose that I ought to be happy that the social caste I identified and comported with has been raised to an echelon of respect, that respect is only a false front for what is underneath: Again, the fetishization of "nerd culture" which has nothing to do with being a nerd so much as it is a rattling off of a list of various pop culture ephemera tied to the tag "nerd". Wow, StarWars rap songs. Wow, Dungeons & Dragons rap songs. Wow, Nintendo rap songs. Great. Anybody dare to write about getting chased home from school and getting the shit kicked out of you because you were scrawny and looked different? You know, write about the life experience of associating with this culture rather than the products you are enthusiastic about?
Again, I'm probably just a cranky old man who has to suck the fun out of everything but for me the idea of nerdcore is as offensive to me as when I hear a punk band write a song about how punk they are: It's empty, purposeless, and fake and relegates something I identify with to a joke for larger institutions to sneer at as invalid.

Anyways, I look forward to hearing from you! No thanks. I already had my soapbox there.

  • Location: NE Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

No comments:

Post a Comment

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.