06 August, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Note to self: It takes a few days to recover from bare-knuckle boxing. Rethink backyard fight club idea.

hipster drummer needed (minneapolis)

Date: 2012-08-05, 2:46PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

for occasionally melancholy, often snarky lyrics-driven power-pop-punk / pub rock trio. Lil Jon What?
unless you also bring along another guitarist.
then it'd be a quartet. Uhh...
no watered-down-cover @!#$ here.
must have reliable transportation and a basic work-ethic-common-decency sort of thing going on.
hipsterhood not required btw... that was a little, uh, "joke"? Was that supposed to be funny the way Portlandia is supposed to be funny? but we don't judge.
  • Location: minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

I need SINGERS, thousands of them. (All)

Date: 2012-08-05, 1:39PM CDT
Reply to: x.xxxx@yahoo.com Coming with the punchline up front, I see.

Sing intricate duets , acappella splits against other singers or a counter-melody/song. Two seperate Halloween songs combine No, seriously, the sentence ended there.
If you have a personal studio, sing with yourself, learn, record, maybe get rich from e-stores. WWWhhhaaattt??? I wan't 3%. Melodic tutorials available from I-Tunes.
  • Location: All
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Singer/Age.19/Serious Musician. (Brooklyn Park/New Hope)

Date: 2012-08-04, 8:02PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com Wait a minute. You're nineteen, so you should be hip, you should be with it. But still, you're using a Yahoo! address?
Batten down the hatches.


Pop: I dont mind Joining small groups.
Katy Parry/Gymclass Heroes/Bruno Mars/ Mainstream stuff. I just felt my testes recede.
(Basically recording artist kind of stuff.)
Im more into being in a band.

Rock Band like: Sleeping with Sirens/Escape the Fate/Falling In Reverse/ A Day To Remember/ Emarosa
Memphis May Fire/Woe Is Me/My Chemical Romance/Pierce The Veil/The Used I've heard of, like, two of those bands.
Im close to this ^^^, So I will not want to do anything like All Time Low/ or (you know what i mean. Chick Pop Bands. Cant do it. Sorry) All Time Low is a girl group? [Googles] They're not a girl group, what are you talking about?
Also dont ask me to do, bands in the 80's, cover bands, or stuff like the red hot chili peppers. If my ribs weren't bruised, that would've made me laugh. (Please be somewhere near the genre I put above.)
I dont mind Acoustic music like. Second Hand Seranade.

Skills: Im a Singer, I can play acoustic guitar. I make my own Lyrics. You write lyrics. I Make The music.

About me. Im a just a straight up musician, Work a job, More on that in a minute. Free most of the week, Still need a car. (but rides arent a problem) Spend most of my day,
working on my vocals. and making better songs. I get vocal lessons. And I'm working on creating my own mini studio, And im about to start
college online for music prodution, So i can record my own music. When it comes with working people, i dont mind attempting new thing
but i prefer sticking to what i like most, Im honest with the people i work with, determined, and get things done when they need to.
I going to do music as a career, and theirs no changing that.

/Wed.Free after 3pm
/Fri.Sometimes Sometimes. work at second job but not often.
/Sat. I work at a Venue. but not every time Not with any, you know, regularity.
I work a morning job so, staying late till like 9pm is a problem. Nine at night is late for you? I understand if you have to get up at four or five in the morning to go to work but the thing is that I just read your availability; you're practically unemployed. You work one day a week with any sort of consistency. And you also want to start a band. Bands tend to have to, you know, go on stage at nine at night.
For fucking real.

Unless its on a Friday, Or Saturday.

I know the text looks all serious Nope. and crap, That one, yes. but its for the sake of it being easy to read, and blunt.

  • Location: Brooklyn Park/New Hope
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Is it mean if I make a joke about English not being this next guy's first language?

Recording studio (Brooklyn park)

Date: 2012-08-03, 9:20PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

we very reliable and available most days
for the price you are very good quality sound
we use a neumann tlm 102 one of the best microphones you can find
we work off logic pro 9
asking for $10 per hour and $12 mixing per track

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  • Location: Brooklyn park
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

In Defense of Cover Bands (MN)

Date: 2012-08-03, 11:52AM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

I don't have anything against original material but some folks need to understand that not everyone is a fabulous songwriter (myself included). I've never been able to write anything that was even slightly good. ¡Aye, pobrecito! So I leave songwriting to those that know how to do it.

Damnit, Jim, I am a musician, not a songwriter. My job is to pick songs for my band that meet the following criteria.

1) Good song.
2) Most people like it.
3) It fits our skill (i.e. We can play it well).

That is my formula for having fun and making a few bucks. Notice that I did not say "success". Or anything about fulfilling any sort of artistic ambition or maintaining a higher level of dignity than that of a dancing bear.

Having said that, I would like to address the comment I've seen a few times saying that "cover bands are making money off of other peoples work". That is not true. Uh, yeah, it is. Kind of like how jukeboxes get filled with quarters to play a variety of songs that, more than likely, the owner of said jukebox didn't write. If we make any money, its because we play the covers well. It's a quality issue? Seriously? How many people do you know that would go see a bad cover band more than once? To be honest? I don't know a single person who goes to see a cover band. Not one. I'm not exaggerating, either: I have never met one single human being in my entire waking life that has intentionally attended the performance of a cover band for the expressed purpose of doing so. I've met people who have booked cover bands for wedding receptions and parties, I've even been in the same room as a cover band performed myself, but I've never attended a performance to gain the experience of attending that performance, I was there because I got dragged to a wedding and I was looking for the ham roll-ups or whatever.

The songwriter makes money too through the various music copyright agencies (ASCAP, BMI, etc..). Any establishment that hires cover bands has to pay a fee to these agencies. That money is distributed to the artists that own the songs. Thanks, I totally forgot Business I class.

I see one particular listing for gigs repeated over and over. It always says "original musicians only". I have to wonder if its because these places are so hip that people won't come if the band plays covers. Or is it because the venue wishes to avoid paying the copyrighted music fees? It could be that, I won't deny that's the case. Every bar / venue owner I've ever spoken to - and I won't bullshit, that number is in the single digits range - has plead goddamned poverty up one side and down the other whenever the opportunity arose; they're cheapskates, plain and simple.
But the "too hip" argument? Yeah, I can see that one too because cover bands? Yeah, lame. Original bands are just cooler. People like them more. And, yeah, it's a money thing. I've never been in a cover band to compare and contrast the financial experiences, but I'm going to assume that you have a fee you charge up front, there's probably a contract you have your clientele sign, that sort of shit, right? You're running a business. On the other side of the coin (pun not intended), original bands, particularly small, local upstarts, they don't have the kind of clout to pull that off. They get a cut of the door and that depends on how many of their friends they can get to come out and see them. They're cheaper.
And lastly, there's this thing... You know the guy on the road crews who holds the STOP/SLOW sign? My friend Jimmie has a friend who yells at those guys, "You can be replaced by a bucket of sand!" Same thing going on here: A bar can buy a jukebox and then you're out of a job because if people want to hear "Pour Some Sugar on Me", chances are that they want to hear Def Leppard do it,* not some other band. So an audience would probably prefer the jukebox because at least that way they get to hear the version they want to hear and it costs them a quarter.

* Unless they're M., in which case they wouldn't want to hear Def Leppard because they have some sort of weird hormone imbalance that makes them wrong about, you know, everything.

  • Location: MN
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Beware of certain ads for "Starting a Band"

Date: 2012-08-02, 1:44PM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

I've seen a couple of listings the last couple of days for "Starting a Band". They are looking for all types of musicians and singers. But there is one piece of info missing. The person posting the listing does not mention what instrument he/she plays or whether they are a singer. And to that I say...
Beware Beware! as it is possible that The calls are coming from inside the house! these are some type of a scam.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Alchemical Guitar Lessons (Minneapolis )

Date: 2012-08-02, 11:07AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxx@aol.com

ROBERT JOHNSON SOLD HIS SOUL; Oh, god, are we going to have to put up this shit?
JIMMY PAGE MADE A PACT; I swear, every fucking week there's at least one "rock mythologist".
JIMI HENDRIX CAME FROM OUTER SPACE; Sounding like a crystal rubbing hippie.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO REALLY LEARN THE GUITAR ????? I don't know, not use five interrogation marks?

Richard Lloyd, I'm sorry, what?
Legendary Guitarist Founder of Television I know goddamned well who he is. and of CBGB's UUUhhh... I don't think he was a founder of CBGB's is here in Minneapolis. WHAT!?
I just came.

Mr. Lloyd teaches the guitar Richard Lloyd - Television ass Richard Lloyd - is in Minneapolis teaching guitar?
I just came again.
as a magical instrument which can describe the laws which govern Reality itself. OK, what's the reverse of cumming?
With all due diligence, Mr. Lloyd strives to help his students to find thier OWN VOICE on their instrument. I can get down with that but the other part...

This teaching is not alphabetically based, but enjoys a spiritual tradition that is as old as MAN HIMSELF. OK, first you tell me that Richard Motherfucking Lloyd, the guy who was responsible for half of the guitar work on one of the greatest records ever made - goddamned Marquee Moon - and is the figure study in the coolest picture in rock 'n' roll...

This one.
... is in town and teaching guitar and making me come all over the place and then you go and break my heart with all this hippie talk.

Thus, following the laws which govern music and reality itself, the dedicated student can expect allmost miraculous
changes in his or her playing and skill.

Contack Richard at xxx Wait wait wait wait wait... I'm about to get Richard Lloyd's phone number? [girl squeals] xxx xxxx or write xxxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com OR xxxxxxxx@aol.com

To facilitate any other questions or to set up an appt.
I swear if any of you fuckers is pranking me, I'll cut your balls off with the same kitchen scissors I use to trim fat from chicken breasts and I won't wash the scissors first and I'm going to hurt your balls a lot and punch you in the mouth a lot. Basically, I will knock your teeth out and kick you in the bag.
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Do you want to practice your bass skills? (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-07-30, 11:25PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hi there... Hello. if you are very enthusiastic on playing /practicing your bass guitar with us...you are in!.... I'm in what? we get together What am I in? twice or once a week (usually Wed and Thu night) OK, but I'm... what am I in? to practice songs we know... Oh, it's just an informal jam thing? we can get gigs if we practice together for a while. OK. Requirements : being loud, OK. punk rock, Right. spanish I'm out. ( not really...:) ) Oh., spanglish Wait a minute. (not really.....) Is that your thing? ,english Oh, but that one's serious. Got it. Well, fuck me, I'm German-Irish, two nationalities with storied and grossly misrepresented hatred for the English that doesn't really exist but kind of does but not really but, mm, yeah. So, I'm out. ,the pixies, We've been over that one. the cure, That one, too. nirvana, Shouldn't need to be brought up by now. the vines, Won't lie, had their moments. salsa (not really.....), OK, so that's your thing, then? Mentioning a facet of Spanish or Hispanic culture and then immediately taking back that you consider it a requirement? That's kind of weird. I mean, yeah, I know that when I get a hair up my ass I'm all Irish this and Irish that all damned day. Come check me out during March, I'm just one big Irish stereotype. Real Irish people hate the shit out of me, I'm sure of that. Check me out come Oktoberfest, I'm German as shit, I'm wearing my SS uniiiI mean lederhosen. So tell me, guy, tell me you're at least Spanish or Hispanic because otherwise those jokes are weird. It'd be like if I made fun of Ukrainians. fun,sweat.

Call me if you like the idea...at xxx xxx xxxx , ask for Carlos. OK, good.
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

1 comment:

  1. What in the fuck is Richard Lloyd doing in Minneapolis?!

    If you don't sign up for a guitar lesson with him you are dumb.


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