04 June, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

This first guy? Yeah, he's been on Craigslist for a good long while, now; at least since the beginning of the year for sure. Maybe he started posting this ad back in December, when it would've made more sense: Looking to get his kid a guitar for Xmas but he doesn't have the spare scratch so he goes to Craigslist to see if anybody, by some off chance, has a spare guitar lying around that he could have. Hey, Levi had the Lil' Peavey just lying around and he doesn't play guitar, so it's not impossible, just improbable. Anyway, so about once or twice a month, this guy posts this ad:

guitar (mpls)

Date: 2012-06-03, 8:36PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

looking for used one, if you have one to give away.
  • Location: mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Apparently, this pissed somebody off to the point where they had to be mean spirited about things.

Re: Guitar Please (Twin Cities)

Date: 2012-06-04, 8:46AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hey I found a place where you can get your free guitar. But you can only have one...

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Drummer wanted for improv/jam band

Date: 2012-06-04, 8:10AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Band seeks drummer for improv/jam band rooted in but not confined to the classics: Grateful Dead, Uh, just threw up in my mouth. Dylan, Uh, just fell asleep. Blues, Talking Heads, Uh... I wasn't aware that the Talking Heads were considered "classics" in the jam band community but I'll roll with it. Pink Floyd, Uh, just threw up in my mouth and fell asleep. old time R&R, and all points in-between. We hope to have a list of songs we can learn well, which serve as a launch pad for musical explorations. You sound like a goddamned hippie. We are doing covers but not copies--need to make the sound our own. Making your own sound by playing other people's music. Yep, that's the strategy, right there. We seek someone who has the ability to stay in the pocket but also have the ability to listen and visually cue from what the band is doing to create a fabric for improvisation. At least he didn't say "tapestry". Eventually, we hope to have a regular (monthly or so), something we can all be proud of. A regular what? Bowel movement? Hombre, if you poop only once a month, it's time to consult a physician.

If all of the above is a good fit, email your interests, hopes, background, and we'll chat more.

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And the winner of our "Aw, He Reminds Charlie of Himself When He First Started Doing These" award is...

R-H-Y-T-H-M ! (Mpls)

Date: 2012-06-04, 7:34AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


Someone spells it wrong every day here on CL, That's because the internet is available to everybody. Even people who can't spell. Haven't you ever scrolled down on a YouTube page? and its important for all of you to know if you want to be taken seriously.
...or maybe it helps us weed out the dinks sure to prove to be a waste of time anyway. Try to look at it like that. If you start teaching stupid people how to spell, you're just giving them camouflage. Don't let them hide behind correctly spelling one or two words; let them be exposed so we can skip over them.
And, occasionally, I can make fun of them.

There's a good mnemonic device to help you with that:


if you care Not really but, hey, I just learned a nifty mnemonic device.

  • Location: Mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Bass/guitar player needed between 17 and 20 (blaine, MN)

Date: 2012-06-03, 2:55PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
That explains it.

Looking for a bassist/guitar player between the ages of 17 and 20 years old. We are a band just starting off, but we have a few songs done. A few songs... done? looking for serious members and as well looking to tour as soon as possible, if you will not be able to tour. DO NOT CONTACT US. Don't fucking do it. We are an alternative band influenced by bands including. My chemical romance, Weren't they the band that was aware that they were straddling the line between "shitty" and "just OK" and so then tried to reinvent themselves with a marching band motif that critics hailed as "uniquely dark" or something but anybody with a pair of ears recognized as the tipping point of a band into just straight up shitty? green day, OK, no, seriously, with the whole My Chemical Romance thing, why is it that anytime somebody says the name My Chemical Romance that the first words I think of are "calculated marketing strategy"? good charlotte, Quit changing the subject. Look, I could go on all day about Good Charlotte - the band that notoriously missed the irony in singing about how they "don't wanna just like you" while surrounded by teenybopper fans sporting identical fashion choices - and I could also take you to task for saying Green Day when I have no doubt you mean the opera era Green Day and not Insomniac-era Green Day (fuck a hater, that was a good record) but I have a goddamned job to do and I would be doing all four people who actively pay attention to and not entirely dislike this blog a disservice if I were to not tie you down to a barrel and whip you across the ass with garden hose for saying you like a band that has all the cultural relevance of, more singles than, and probably only half the balls of say, Vendetta Red. remember Vendetta Red? No, you don't. Not even members of Vendetta Red remember Vendetta Red until they Wikipedia themselves. (And that's kind of a shame because I liked that "Shatterday" song, it was catchy. Alas, I never heard anything else they did because that's all the song was: Catchy. I hear lots of catchy songs. Doesn't mean I my vajayjay gets wet over each and every one.) I mean, how are you going to sit there and tell me that your band draws inspiration from grown adults dressed like high school marching band geeks? I could understand if you were, say, a comedian and you were drawing inspiration from an SNL skit but really. You want to be taken seriously don't you? all time low, Heard of, haven't heard. etc. if you are interested call either:xxx-xxx-xxxx or email: xxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
  • Location: blaine, MN
  • it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

I just realized that I just made fun of somebody who's likely a teenager for their taste in music which misses the point this feature.
But somebody had to say something.

wana start a mfing band (minneapolis)

Date: 2012-06-01, 4:29AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

got a fender strat... Good for you. yes i can play it.... Never said you couldn't. hmu if u play some instruments or sing.... Are you really going to make me Google "hmu"?
"Hit me up"? You abbreviated "hit me up"? You seriously couldn't be arsed to complete each of these single syllable words?
i want to start the sickest band in minneapolis..

if u dont get into crazy shit... OK, let's - let's not do this, OK? I know what's going to happen, you're going to try to show me some "crazy" shit and it's just going to be some crabcore or nĂ¼ metal jackoff bullshit in an attempt to throw down the gauntlet so you can show me "fucking legit" you are or whatever. And then I'll make you listen to Scratch Acid and you'll be a little more than weirded out and then it'll be like having to talk to somebody after you fist them: Nobody's looking each other in the eye. dont reply...were startin something new here...electronic/rock/rap/ Completely new aside from the fact that Rob Zombie's been doing exactly that for the last fifteen years. w.e fuckin rocks... I'm not Googling "w.e" dont be shy ...post a demo...hmu...worst i can say is no...i got some demos too if u wana check im out.

I make beats and write music. I love to mix.
Check out what I do here:

There were links here. Now there aren't.

If you like what u hear or feel like we can collaborate...send me your demos/lyrics/vocal takes...w.e it is Oh, I get it, it means "whatever"! And that nobody can really trust you to see a project through when you can't even be arsed to spell out the entire word. It doesn't even need it to be spelled correctly, you just need to ditch the text-speak and get used to that you're in front of a QWERTY keyboard. It's the effort we want to see, bubala. you do so I can get an idea of your music

  • Location: minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Bassist needed for girl-fronted power pop band (Twin Cities)

Date: 2012-05-31, 10:58AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

We're a professional group of musicians arranging a new band. OK. This is intended to be a full-time project with touring capabilities and a full stage show. Uh-huh. Our aim is to bring the flash and spectacle back to rock music. I have a feeling that I'm about to shit myself but go ahead. We play a very straight ahead power-pop brand of girl-fronted rock music. No shit? You know, once, when I was high and in WalMart waiting to get my tires changed, I bought the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack.
No, wait. I was with Bob while Bob was... What was Bob doing? Fuck if I can remember, I was high. Anyway, Bob was unusually pissed off that I bought the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack.
Is that what your band is going for? Sounding like the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack? Because, you know? I didn't completely hate it. It was catchy. (And we've been over earlier that whole catchy thing.)
Think Kiss meets the Foo Fighters with Katy Perry on vocals. I just shat blood. We're looking for someone with passion, I mean, you said Kiss... dedication, ... Foo Fighters... and talent And then Katy Perry... to round out a roster chock full of experience and credentials. It's like you somehow etched the infernal names onto the Mayan calendar went back in time, took it to the top of the WTC with the ghost prison from Ghostbusters with Hitler and Mussolini's ghosts inside so they could explode all over the city like when the EPA guy kills the power grid when the planes hit. That's how awful of a thing you just proposed.
And I forgot to throw child porn in there. Put that in there somehow, that's how bad what you said is.
We would prefer a female bassist, but all applicants will be considered. And put the Tuskegee syphilis experiment in there, too. It's that bad. We are seeking a dynamic bassist with stage experience, professional equipment, and a realistic understanding of the music industry. And that time that Idi Amin cut his wife's limbs off and sewed her legs to her shoulders and her arms to her pelvis. That's how awful your idea is. Thanks for your interest.
  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

This next bit of unsolicited advice comes to us courtesy of a guy whose band nobody gave a shit about. No, not me. I'm not this big of a cry baby.

Advice to local bands (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-05-30, 1:44PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

The best advice I can give to bands is to get the hell out of minneapolis!! The minneapolis music scene is very clicky and hard to get recognition, even if your music is incredibly ingenious. The best way to get recognized locally is to play out of town! You can email and call the current, email and call the city pages, email and call gimme noise, and most of them won't give you the light of day if your not in their immediate group of friends. So, what should you do? Get out of town! Play Des Moines, Omaha, Milwaukee, Madison, Eau Claire, Duluth, St. Cloud, Fargo, Chicago - all are great cities within a day's drive, and out of all of those you will be more than likely to start to gain a fan base in one of those towns. And then, after the rest of the united states, canada, and world recognize your bands genius, that small contained group that controls the minneapolis music scene media might catch on, and what you do then is up to you.

Good Music Lover
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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