07 May, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

I do not have a snarky intro this week.

Musicians wanted, guitar player, drummer, bassist. (Cambridge)

Date: 2012-05-07, 12:16AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Im looking to start a new band up I have experience with live shows and that stuff I mainly sing so in looking for the other fill in the blanks Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea! How about you fill in the blanks with some punctuation marks? I play 80s hard rock glam and stuff like kiss, Metallica, motley Crüe acdc You mean to tell me that you put in the effort to put the umlaut in Crüe but you can't be arsed to put the slash in AC/DC? and those types and info write my own stuff so I'm looking for a creative guitarist who can write licks and stuff, I'm 17 any one from age 15 to 22 I'll take I love music and I have all the equipment we need amps drums and everything else Are you sure your dad won't get mad at us for using his stuff? please email me so we can get cracking and start booking some shows.
  • Location: Cambridge
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Cheap Trick, Beatles, Lover Boy ????????????????????????? (Metro)

Did he seriously put fucking Lover Boy in with the Beatles and Cheap Trick?

Date: 2012-05-06, 12:59PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

This is for guys entering their 40 +. I play in a band but wondering why am I doing what I am doing. Oh, shit. You're about to buy a Corvette, aren't you? If your in a band, great, means you got experience. Looking for Bun E. Carlos, Tom Peterson and his 8/12 string solid style, and guitarist/lead singer Robin Zandler. Zandler? Are you sure you're a fan of Cheap Trick? Because I own - hold on, let me count - zero Cheap Trick records and even I know it's Zander, not Zandler. Cheap Trick/Rocking Beatles Trib band. I don't know about the Lover Boy stuff. Mon frere, I don't think anybody knows about the Lover Boy stuff. Stay in your band your in now. But if you wanna start something awesome, hit me up. Man, it's one on a Sunday afternoon, you're allowed to be drunk but, Jesus, you are fucking blotto.

Reply to this post by Craigslist email
  • Location: Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Professional Djent/Metalcore guitarist needed to play. (Rochester, MN)

Date: 2012-05-06, 12:23PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Looking for a guitarist to complete our line-up. Hello.
The setlist is finished, The set list is finished? What do you mean? Like you just finished writing it and you're about to go on stage? along with our shirt designs. Oh, I get it: This is where you force me to make the same point I always make about how you shouldn't be working on shit like your t-shirts until after you have a whole band, right? Is that where you're going with this? We leave to Madison to record in a month. Yep. Going into the studio without a whole band. I had a feeling I was going to have to make that point.
We have album art/logos being made Is your logo being made something we need to know about? in the next week, and we just need a guitarist To come along with a time machine and join the band before you started working on some peripheral shit? to join to finish photos and start playing shows.
Please professional inquiries only.
This is a business, not a hobby.

This is the only recording I'm able to hand out right now. Because you don't have a guitarist.
I apologize for it being midi. haha. Did that - did... Was that something that necessitated a laugh? I don't get it. But if you're interested, just hit me up.

Name's Xxxxx.

Would you believe I almost forgot to change this link?
  • Location: Rochester, MN
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Have you ever wondered just what it takes to write a review? Now, me, I'm no expert on this matter but I'll go ahead and just assume that I'm right about everything and you can all agree with me. So, if I were to guess what separates a good review from a shitty one, I would say that the good review is written by somebody who is familiar with the genre, format, presentation, blah blah blah that they're reviewing, not just in terms of the sounds and styles associated with a particular genre but the culture behind it and the communities born from it. (Ex. Punk rock and the DIY culture regarding recording, touring, artwork, all of that.)
I would also venture a guess that this author would have a knowledge, perhaps bordering on encyclopedic, of maybe the past twenty or thirty years of popular culture that exists outside their specialized knowledge - I grew up on punk and metal but I'm aware of things like, say, Madonna's film career, the works of Jean-Luc Godard, who Peter Parker's first girlfriend was, the collaboration between Sinatra and Jobim, etc. - and maybe a cursory knowledge of popular culture fifty years or longer ago. This is what the author would use to compare and contrast contemporary trends and see where a precedent might have established, maybe even evaluate if a recurrence in a particular trend is a passing fad or here to stay.
And I would also assume that our hypothetical author of the "good" review would understand basic tenets of the English language. Maybe even understand things on a tenth grade level like what a semicolon (this guy → ;) is used for or that an ellipsis has three periods. I would assume that this person would have a broad vocabulary, not all-encompassing, but just enough to know what words like "abscond", "assuage", and "sundry" mean. They would note that I had just used an Oxford comma. They would proofread to correct those inevitable times - they happen to us all at some point - when the wrong "there" or "your" or "it's" is used. They color their language with the occasional bit of nonsense to establish nuance, like taking Peter Gabriel's name in vane instead of whichever deity's in popular usage in their culture or say "chicken nugget" instead of "motherfucker" because they've already said "motherfucker" three times so far and it's starting to feel old. And they also try to establish a flow in their writing, the old beginning, middle, end bit we all learned about in first grade. They open with the subject, they follow through with a body of supporting arguments, and they close with a reiteration of the subject and a resolution. Once they've mastered this, they begin to tinker with the format. Spelling correctly is a given.
So, in short, somebody who knows what they're talking about and how to talk about it.
Which is not this next person.


Date: 2012-05-04, 12:29PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Right off the bat since i moved here reviewing talent i put westside band on my top ten list. OK, so perhaps you will tell us a bit about them and the kind of music they play.
The band, Who you may want to tell us about. the music, Which, certainly, you're going to describe in a minute. the sound, the lighting, the crew are a synchronized alliance. A what?
They dress well no bad stage habbits Don't you just hate it when there's a bad hobbit on stage? and a great vivacios crowd responce.
They started on time ended on time Ended on time? What, no encore? short breaks great job westside band.
the party dont stop. Too bad I have no idea what kind of party this is.

Assessment:great band, a good night out to dance with a date.!!!

The review gal

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

City knights band review

Date: 2012-05-02, 9:59AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

City knights band review,
Feed back from pa all night long, the suck knob was at full.i realy liked the drummer
lighting was rotten not even flashing to the music they were playing. The lights weren't flashing? The lights weren't flashing? Dear god in heaven why have you forsaken us?
Old rock outdated boring geared to a older crowd.The band was ok for the most part I THINK THE DRUMMER WAS GOOD LOOKING!!!! Quadruple exclamation points? Slow down before you cum. THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS GOOD LOOKING ILL ADD, but were chewing gum when they were playing. Oh no. Drinking on stage during the show. With gum in their mouths? The hell you say. Sloppy dressed looked like bums. Front man can't sing very well off key on most tunes, may have been drunk along with the rest of the band. Way to pass judgment, lady. Long breaks out to parking lot. Started late ended early. Some coments to the crowd were unnecessary.
Assessment: I think I will not be going to see them any time soon. Yeah, I Googled them. You're reviewing a cover band.

The review gal!

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And cue the impotent backlash!

RE: Review Gal (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-05-02, 3:09PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hey, why don't you get a guitar and get up there and give it a whirl. Or even put your own band together. IF you are so talented and know so much about how to do this thing, then it should be easy for you. She wrote two reviews and one of them was negative and about a cover band, guy. Calm down.
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Kids piano and guitar instructor wanted (Eagan)

Date: 2012-05-03, 3:00PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hi, Hello.

I'm looking for a piano and guitar instructors for my 3 year old girl What? and for my 4 year old boy. What? Why? You're not going to put these kids in pageants or something, are you?
I would love someone who is very patient. I'm out. But not because I loathe kids. I hate stage mothers even more.

Note: Piano lessons for my boy and guitar lessons for my girl. Lady, you need to take a Klonopin and chill the fuck out. Your kids are still in preschool. They're tiny. I mean, piano lessons for a four year old? Jesus wept, I'm a grown goddamned man, with grown goddamned man hands and I still cramp up when attempting some piano chords. Start the kids on ukuleles or something, damn.

Please, email me your hourly rate if you are interested.

  • Location: Eagan
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

This one I like just because I can't tell if it's a joke and I want it to be serious.

Wanna start a Beethoven tribute band (long ago)

Date: 2012-05-01, 8:08PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I conduct, so I will need 8 violins, 6 viola players, 6 cellos, 8 contra basses, 2 oboes, 4 flutes, 3 trumpets, 3 french horns, 1 contra-basoon, 4 clarinets, 1 trombone, 1 bass trombone, kettle drums, snare drums, assorted percussion, Must be able to read music. Have space in my basement for practice. Hit me up!
  • Location: long ago
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And the winner of our "Somebody Let Grandpa In From the Garage" award is...

Rolling Stones Guitar Player Needed (Twin Cities Metro)

Date: 2012-05-01, 8:29AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxx@gmail.com

My name is Xxxx Xxxxxxx and my phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. And that's another thing, There was a first thing? Craigslist doesn't care if you include your phone number in these ads. OK, so wait, that was a thing? That needed to be addressed? Uh... Get a hold of me if you think you have what it takes and you want to cover the Stones.
  • Location: Twin Cities Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

No comments:

Post a Comment

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.