30 April, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

I am on maybe two hours of sleep this morning. It seems like all weekend was an insomnia marathon. Let me know if these are subpar.

I need violin lessons (saint paul)

Date: 2012-04-29, 11:46AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I need someone who has time to not only teach me violin but to practice with me each week, to help me get into a routine.
If possible I know its asking alot.
I also don't have money to pay you, right now. And then he heard the sound of crickets chirping.
I'm unemployed and the semester just ended. No extra money. No "extra" money. Mofo, you aint got a job. You've got just no money.
In fact all my bills are past due, WWWhhhaaattt??? and accounts all empty. And you're in the musicians' section of Craigslist and not the employment one why?
I really need something positive in my life, Yeah, like a goddamned job. I am tired of my violin collecting dust. Then pawn it.
If you have any free time and patience then email me and lets Take you down to Starbucks and grab you an application? make music! No, I like my idea, better.

  • Location: saint paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Oh, hey, it's my neighborhood again.

Date: 2012-04-28, 9:14PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

want to make music that sounds like a stark figure that steps out of the shadows to menace you with a strange baton. OK OK OK, I know I talk that kind of shit all the time when I do the record reviews so if I tell him not to do that, I'll kind of look like a hypocrite with only the flimsy and easily-deflated defense that describing what one sees in one's mind's eye when listening to a record and attempting to recruit potential bandmates are two totally different things. I get that. So, I can't tell him to not do that.
But still...

drone - noise - unusual pop ? - looking at shoe You mean shoe gaze? sure ok ok

me: 25 male(ish) "(ish)"? Just level with me, guy... Tranny? bass guitar (good at) - accordion (not good at, plays upside down) Maybe if you played it right side up, you'd be better at it.
y'all: ? ??

adventurous, nice, feminst is best ?

good tunes: cardiacs, they might be giants, shonen knife, krallice, the body, beefheart, boris, kate bush whatever you like to listen to
  • Location: MPLS-WHITTIER
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And our "Included Just So Charlie Could Make One Joke" award goes to...

drummer for melodic hard rock band wanted (mpls)

Date: 2012-04-27, 10:42PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

This is an extremely serious project with high quality musicians. Must work well with a metronome. This would be avenged sevenfold meets shinedown type Shit. You can say that again.* If you don't have extreme confidence don' t reply.

* Come on. That was an open goal. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take that one.
  • Location: mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And our "This Guy Was Tripping Balls When He Posted This Ad" award goes to...

Singers for Electronic (hopkins to west)

Date: 2012-04-27, 4:03PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I Design electronic music. Sorry no standard "constant kick/club"

Considering vocalist, music varies mostly constant to a certain kind of atmosphere.

Give some contact, also connected to other electronic artists. hmm, could be fun.

demo ( u ) please. Talent welcome.

  • Location: hopkins to west
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Our next entrants just couldn't find a way to put this all into one ad.

DJ/Turntablist Wanted for Original Band (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-26, 11:06PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

We're a 2 piece blues band called Xxxxxxx Xxxx. You can hear our stuff at xxxxxxxxxxxxxx.bandcamp.com

We're talking about adding a 3rd member, and one of the only musicians we can agree on having as a 3rd is a good dj. OK, so you want a DJ. A musician not typically found in the blues but it could be interesting. So, I get it. The two of you agree that you need a DJ. What makes a good dj is highly subjective but we'll know it when we hear it. You don't have to crab scratch like Qbert but you should know what and who that is. Age/race unimportant but you should be able to hear how you'd play with us based on the type of music we do.
Got it, OK. A unique approach. And one you will abandon in three minutes with that ad over there →.

If you're interested please get in touch. Have your s--t together, have a car, be serious, and be able to play. Thanks!
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Keyboardist/Organ player wanted for original band (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-26, 11:09PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

We're a 2 piece blues band called Xxxxxxx Xxxx. You can hear our stuff at xxxxxxxxxxxxxx.bandcamp.com

We're talking about adding a 3rd member, and one of the only musicians we can agree on having as a 3rd is keyboardist, OK, I really do have to know: Who's the one between the two of you that shot down bassist but was okey-dokey with fucking DJ? by which we mean someone who has a good synth that can pull off decent vintage organ tones. Well, that and the ability to play said instrument. You'll be able to hear what we're doing and what we're going for from the music. If you can double up on additional percussion, like shakers and such, all the better. Vocals too? Tell us more. But the keys is what's most important/

If you're interested please get in touch. Have your s--t together, have a car, be serious, and be able to play. Thanks!
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
This next one is cool because I didn't know it was a thing.

Violin A Gram spring special (Twin Cities)

Date: 2012-04-26, 11:52AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Sizzling spring special. $55.00 includes three musical selections, personalized greeting and a rose.


Minneapolis & St Paul

I accept Paypal
  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Need keys and strings for rock band (Saint Paul)

Date: 2012-04-25, 1:32PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hello my name is Xxxxxxx Xxxxxx and I'm searching for a Keyboardist and/or string player for the group I'm in. We're called Xxxx xx Xxxxxx and we Have the pussiest band name imaginable? are a rock band from the Saint Paul area looking to add some new players to our lineup. As of right now the band consists of lead guitar, bass, drums and our second guitarist/vocalist. None of whom can play a keyboard or string instrument? We play a somewhat alternative style of rock music (that on occassion can get pretty heavy I'm going to beg to differ.) that we characterize as "meditative rock" What? "meditative rock" What? "meditative rock" One more time for everybody in back. "meditative rock" Exactly why I begged to differ. and feel that keys and strings would add a great dimension to our sound. Again, still proving me correct. If you'd like to meet with us or sit in on a practice sometime we'd love to hear how things fit together.

We practice about three times a week and have a space for praticing at our home You guys live together? Like the Monkees? in Saint Paul complete with all the essentials to perform. We are all in our early twenties and would in theory prefer someone around our age I know, I know. This is normally the part where I go, 'I'm out,' and we all have a laugh but we passed me being out as soon as I read their band name. but really it's not that important so long as you are a skilled commited musician. Whatever your ethnicity/gender/religion or lack of the aformentioned we welcome you to audition for the band. We come from a diverse background and hope to bring that sense of diversity to our music and if that sounds like something you'd be interested in please let us know.

We recently completed our first demo and if you'd like to take a listen this is our facebook page Yes, I changed this link.

I'll look forward to hearing from you.

  • Location: Saint Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

FREE MUSIC & BEER? (1621 Harmon Place)


Date: 2012-04-24, 5:49PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Philanthropic Rager!!! I hope that's not your band name.

1621 harmon place, minneapolis, mn 55403 OK.
Bad Medicine Productions Presents:
The ALL YOU CAN DRINK I just came. rage of Philanthropic proportions!!

Host: Quasar D. Slu & Move For Hunger
Featuring the talents of Bad Medicine Productions' local rock duo, DIKE FIGHT! Wait wait wait wait wait... You're telling me that I get to drink until my kidneys shut down and that there's a band called Dike Fight that will be playing while this happens!?
I just came again.

All monetary donations will be donated to West African Medical Missions Inc... Yeah yeah yeah, good deeds, humanitarian efforts, whatever. When is this thing?

Purpose: I don't care, when is it? Celebrate the inception of WAMMs Th'fuck is a WAMM and will it get between me and the booze? summer activities with the directors departure for Sierra Leone the following day

Activities: Drinking. Rage Face Type Rock Concert Meets Beats From the Streets

Location: 1621 Harmon Place, a warehouse in downtown Minneapolis Yes but when is it?

Cost: We have a suggested donation of $15 at the door, and $10 with 3 canned food items. Fine, whatever. When is it?

Provisions: (k-b-c) are free with entry while supplies last

(K )egs upon kegs of beer As long as it's not Bud Light or some other similar swill, I'll be there.
(B )oxes upon boxes of wine UUUhhh... I guess I can do that. But only after the beer is gone.
(C )rates upon crates of Liberian black pepper chicken Yeah, I'll probably have the munchies, so, yeah.

*Live Graffiti Artists Nobody gives a shit.

www.westafricanmedicalmissions.org Whatever. When is this thing?

Sponsored by Bad Medicine Productions I don't care who's sponsoring it, I want to know when it is!


  • Location: 1621 Harmon Place I know where the goddamn it's at! Now tell me when it is!
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Date: 2012-04-24, 1:06PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

28 April, 2012

Recent Love (It's Been a Shitty Day Edition)

Nonagon, People Live Everywhere
OK, kids, see that ←? That's called cover art. Get with the program. Nonagon are with the program. How come you can't get with the program?
ANYhoo, as mentioned, Nonagon are with the program. There are only five songs on People Live Everywhere and, when there're only five songs, you know that there's not going to be any filler.
Oh, god. Did I just type that? That sounds like a lazy music journalist's line. But, I mean, hey, there're only five songs. You get me, right? When you have an economy of material - and then, you know - I should probably just start talking about the songs now, shouldn't I? Yeah, I should.
Jesus, it's only a quarter to three. I can crack open a beer at a quarter to three, right? It's fucking Saturday.
ANYhoo (yes, ANYhoo, again), People Live Everywhere opens with a computer voice saying "Here we go, fellas" before a mean - and I mean "mean" as in schoolyard bully, not mean in the manner that some ex-Hollywood radio DJ would say it to describe something as cool (apologies to anybody in Nonagon who may have once been a Hollywood radio DJ, I don't know these things) - bassline comes in to announce the arrival of "Vikings" (Like what I did there?) and then the guitar and drums come in with such a swing to them that it fucks up your initial expectations. Sure, it's still heavy but now it has a particular grandeur to it. A sort of grandeur that you could hear in Fugazi songs back in the day, where every three and a half minutes was either an anthem or an epic (and, trust me, neither of those were bad things).
If I can say Fugazi one more time - I can? OK. What's that? I can only say it once more and that's it? Alright, I can do that. So if I can say Fugazi one more time, can somebody remind me which song off Repeater it is that the guitar intro to "Fresnel Lens" is reminding me of?* Maybe I'm off on that assessment. Maybe it's just because both guitarists use SGs and they kind of have the same timbre. I don't know. Look, I'm trying to keep this record review about Nonagon and not get into the shitty shitty morning I had.

The shitty morning currently being remedied.
ANYhoo (I'm doing that a lot, today.) "Fresnel Lens" is another one where I'm digging the bass player, this time for that I can't remember the last time I heard a bassline that made me dizzy. Be sure to correct me on that after you pick up the free download of the song on their Bandcamp page.
"The Swifts" was, I'm assuming, written with some cycle-rage in heart because when I first gave People Live Everywhere a listen last week, I was out for my usual ride around the lakes. "The Swifts" is perfect for when you have to deal with them ponces what ride side-by-side and all slow like and make for you to have to yell at them to get the fuck out of the way. If Scrapbooker's Lying for the Sake of Lying was the 2011 Cycle Rage Soundtrack, Nonagon's People Live Everywhere is a contender for the 2012 title. (Too soon to tell, Nonagoners. But, so far, you're in first place and there's only another month before I announce that title.) (Which totally isn't even a real thing.) (Except it so is, now.)
Because it's like this: You need a soundtrack for the summer bike rides. It's fucking 90goddamned°F, it's humid like a bitch, you're hungover and riding around at twenty miles per hour with pedestrians in your goddamned bike lane, constantly on the brink of getting an awkward cycle half-chub from checking out the cheesecake jogging around the lake in their jogging shorts and sports bras, and you just want to get this fucking lap over with so you can hit the bar and have your favorite Sunday bartender make you a bloody fucking mary or three before you have to bike home and make lunch. That's how it is. You need a soundtrack to that experience. And you need it at the beginning of summer to last all through it. You can't hand that award out afterward, when shit's too late. No. That's just foolish.
So, therefore, I am announcing within this record review that, I don't know, sometime in June, probably in the first week, SD&A will announce its first ever winner of the 2012 Cycle Rage Soundtrack Award... which, yeah, looks right now like it's just going to be Nonagon so, there's that. Of course, the shitty part about that award is that it means you have to buy the .mp3s to put on your listening device which totally wasn't why Nonagon submitted for a review. They submitted a review because People Live Everywhere is out on vinyl. So, I mean, it looks like you're just going to have to buy both. (Like what I did there?)
Where were we? Oh, yes, the part where I should be talking about the record. Well, I guess we can talk about the fourth song since that's kind of where we're at now. "Fadeout" is the instrumental, the one that gets used in the movie scene where the antihero is pushed to his limit and he's in the car and it's late at night and he's heading over to the villain's - house? abandoned warehouse? secret lair? wherever it is villains hang out and you know something is about to go off the chain in about a minute.
Have I used that analogy before?
No, I said something in the last Joe 4 review about an antihero lighting a cigarette before he tears somebody up. So, I'm still good. I think.
"Severe Presence" closes the album but it comes in with such a heavy intro that you would think the auto-repeat kicked in and you were back at the beginning of the record. This is not the song you want to hear in a waiting room or in line at the grocery store (guilty on two counts of that last one), this is a song that demands movement, like dodging traffic on Nicollet after hitting the Vietnamese place or having to hand out the old British two-finger salute to every asshole that can't make up his mind which direction he's trying to point his car in while you're just trying to cash your paycheck and hit the post office. Like I said, in a month, this record will officially be SD&A's 2012 Cycle Rage Soundtrack unless there's a come-from-behind-upset in said month's time but I trust my gut on this shit. Joe 4 won record of the year and it's only April (Why wait until December / January?) and I'm right about that (because I say I'm right about that). Nonagon are taking the 2012 Cycle Rage Soundtrack title and, you know what? I made that shit up, therefore whatever I say about it is the right thing to the say. Try to correct me. I'll just make something else up. Push me, motherfucker.
Am I doing it again? Making it about me? Sorry about that. Look, if you want to preview SD&A's soon-to-officially-be-the-winner-of-an-award-made-up-while-writing-this-review, go to Nonagon's Bandcamp where you can buy the vinyl for relaxed home listening, buy the .mp3s for playing chicken with those asshole pedestrians in the damned bike lane, and stream the record all day. You can also see their show schedule there. So mark your calendars and roadtrip to Chicago to catch them on the 26th of May playing Renegade Lights which, according to the listing on Songkick, is going to be an eight band bill for five bucks at the door. Go. This just in: Turns out that the Nonagon playing Renegade Lights is the Nonagon from San Francisco that makes ambient music, not the Nonagon we've been talking about here. You can still go if you like. According to the Songkick listing, the proceeds from that show will go to help another band replace the equipment that was stolen from them. So you still get to do a good deed. And when you go, make sure you have People Live Everywhere in your headphones.

* Note: 30 April, 2012, I just realized the answer is "Sieve-Fisted Find".

24 April, 2012

I swear to damn, this is my new theme song.

Big ups to my guy, Sly, for posting this to Facebook. I will now commence with singing the hook from this song ad nauseum.

23 April, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

OK, before we get to the ads can I recommend that nobody who lives near 24th and Nicollet get drunk and then decide that running down the block to Slice of New York is a good idea? I don't want to bad mouth the place and I'm sure this is more than just a little alcohol related but this is also the second time in a row I've gotten the chicken roll from there and woke up at four in the morning with an insidious and gassy case of indigestion that required half a bottle of Pepto and fifteen minutes on the toilet to assuage and then I was still wavering between grody and nauseated by the time I opened up the office this morning. Seriously.
On the plus side, I had a dream that I was in a Hitchcock movie. That was pretty tight. I also had a dream about a children's book wherein a group of midgets are killed by a trebuchet and then a bunch of seagulls swooped in to pick their bones. Surprisingly? I was down with that one, too.

pop-punk band

Date: 2012-04-22, 11:42PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hey i wanna start a pop-punk band like all time low or we the kings or the summer set or something like those guys, i can play bass or rhythm guitar but i'd need a few other people to join in. I wanna be kind of serious about this because music is my passion I know right? I mean, when you're passionate about something, why not be kind of serious about it? but hit me up if you're interested. Put a band name in the subject of the email You mean, like, just any band name? so i kinda know what's legit and what's not Dexie's Midnight Runners. Straight up legit as fuck, hombre.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

These next guys I actually like; I'm just including the ad because it had me laughing my ass off in a few places.

Metal 7 string Guitarist and Bassist wanted (minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-22, 4:23PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

so heres the deal. Lay it on me. me and some guys are starting a project. we play metal. think all shall perish meets the baby of the black dahlia murder and the ghost inside (and idk why they fucked, but they did, and now theres this baby), and then asp and that fucked up baby fucked, then made a new baby. thats our baby, and if you'd like to nurture this baby with us, You know? I kind of do. thats awesome. heres the scoop, or several scoops. were just some dudes who like to play metal, and maybe get some shows. were serious, but were not so retarded that we think that after a demo and a few shows Sumerian Records is gonna pick us up. right now theres 3 of us, me (guitar), a drummer and a vocalist. you would need, decent gear, some kind of talent, be able to notice good tone from bad tone (btw, if you just turn your amp on, turn the gain up far enough so that theres no feedback and call it a day, yea, you dont know what good tone is), have transportation, are 21 or older, and is just a cool person, let us know. we might want to meet you. if your a douche who has a degree in music and still cant play palm mutes correctly, is a know-it-all, or plays a fender guitar Hey, come on. and a vox combo amp, no thanks. we're all 20-22 and are still in school. this is a hobby, not a career. in our down time, we like to drink, listen to metal, play videogames, and yea, we love to air drum Why, I get drunk and air drum! (who doesnt love blast beats). also, were not stereotypical "metal kids" or "scene kids". we dont have long stringy hair and arch enemy shirts and look like we havent seen daylight in 12 years, nor do we have tsunami hair cuts, 4 inch plus and and snake bite piercings, albeit our vocalist is kind of a weirdo but hes a good kid. in any case, if you think your quality material, hit us up.

**EDIT** yes, we play 7 strings tuned AEADGBE, if you play a 7 or dont mind tuning down with a 6 (we'd prefer the 7) then yes, let us know.
  • Location: minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

GarageRock/Blues Originals ISO Drummer (StLP/GV/NSubs)

Date: 2012-04-20, 5:09PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

This is an original start-up in the building stage - we're looking for a drummer that's interested in the sound/style we're going for, has a propensity to create wide-ranging dynamics, and fits into the extremely comfortable creative atmosphere we currently work from. OK. Sounds reasonable so far. Backing vox a big plus, being cool and a non-egomaniac are even bigger. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. Our lineup currently is aged from early 30's up if that's a factor for you. No but why don't you go ahead and start getting pretentious for me, already, OK? This whole you-being-a-completely-rational-person-and-in-no-way-a-pompous-windbag schtick is getting old.

Here's our bio:

Xxxxxx I'll give you three guesses as to which animal this band is named after. Hint: If it were on a t-shirt, there would be three of them under a moon. is a project with a swift gait. That's more like it. Drums, guitars, bass and vox in-harmony around energetic blues-tinged garage-rock infused with a lot of rhythm and dynamics; Rhythm and dynamics... So you're just saying music right? that's what makes up the components of our pack. Uh, yeah, it kind of makes up all music. Rhythm, tempo, dynamics, harmony, melody, snorting coke off a seventeen year old's titties in a San Salvador hotel room... All musical. XXX songs are crafted with a beat-centric backbone sitting under a howl of well thought-out lyrics. Does anybody else here smell the stink of self-congratulatory bullshit? We're not eschewing all song-making standards, What? but are looking for opportunities where doing so makes our music better. What?

To better help define things: we make bluesy garage rock. Our songs trot on riffs and from there break into a sprint with a heavy backbone, dynamics galore, OK, we get it. You do the loud-quiet-loud thing. Whatever. and multi-part harmonies. We have hooks, but aren't creating strictly verse/chorus verse/chorus stuff.

The genre stalwarts we're cutting our teeth on and could be accused of "stealing from" The appropriate term is "ripping off", but go ahead. include: The White Stripes Well, I think we can all wrap this up and go home, then. and The Dead Ex's - with their dirty garage-rockish loud/soft We fucking get it! Shut up! style, and The Black Keys and their riff-rooted awesomeness. Is it really that hard for you to just say you like one band and then another band and just make a coherent list without clouding things with all your bullshit? Adding to this established minimalistic sound Oh, Christ. the lush harmonies Oh, Jesus Christ, he's not stopping. Tell you what, I'm going to let him just run this out. of Grizzly Bear and some of the odd melodies of The Pixies or Peter Wolf Crier, with a Spoon-like penchant for tension/release and with conscientious lyrics like Manchester Orchestra (and countless others), are a few of the influences of the sound the Xxxxxx are going for. Is he done? Looks like he's done. Good.

Here is a link to some MashUps of demo stuff we've done and some live stuff rom a recent rehearsal.

You can thank me for getting rid of the link some other time.

We practice weekday evenings in the Golden Valley/St Louis Park area right now and are working towards playing out/whatever else fun comes our way. This is essentially a 1 day-a-week commitment and though we're looking to work on a set and are serious about bettering our material, we're also into having laughs, fun, occasional go-off jams, musical epiphanies, some cold brews, and lots of good times!

  • Location: StLP/GV/NSubs
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Date: 2012-04-19, 7:42PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

  • Location: ANDOVER
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Making Noise (Saint Paul)

Date: 2012-04-19, 11:27AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

45 year old Latina I'm not going to lie... Sounds hot. looking for a guitar player Well, hello. who either doesn't have much experience, is learning, or is just looking to make some noise. That can be arranged. I started drumming about two years ago and just want to make some noise in my basement and it's much more fun with someone else! Maybe if we get really good we can move the gig to my garage!!! I like how that's the next level she aspires to reach.

.-V Is that your sign-off or is that some sort of one-eyed emoticon?
  • Location: Saint Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

New grass meets anti folk meets anarchy (Whittier - Minneapolis)

Oh, so this is in my neighborhood.

Date: 2012-04-17, 7:44PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hi I play mandolin both acoustically or through some crazy fx gear SSSooo... you don't want to be taken seriously. and i want to start a very original band first and most important I think we should write as a collective and get our truth I'm sorry, what? and get our truth with very little bullshit impeding the process. OK, I'm not trying to be funny here: Is English your second language? Because I have no idea what the fuck that meant. I also play guitar bass and drums and woodwinds as far as owning any of those instruments I have a guitar and clarinet. I think I'm making fun of someone whose native tongue isn't English. Can someone check the rules for me and see how bad that is? As far as a rough sketch of my Idea of instrumentation it would be guitar, mandolin, banjo, electric bass, maybe a violin or a horn or two thrown in for good measure. Maybe we could call it anarchist folk just bringing the truth of how shitty things are actually going for real people. I liked this band better the first - Wait, do we have a verdict on the English as a second language thing yet?
We do?
Oh, you mean English is his native tongue, he just sucks at it. OK, good, so I can do my joke, right? Awesome.
[clears throat] I liked this band better the first time I heard it when it was called Defiance, Ohio.
If age is a deal I am 30 clean if that matters and without a car but that could change. If this sounds at all interesting just send an email and thanks. Also if you have a band semi like this already and want a crazy emando player let me know I could also be in possibly
  • Location: Whittier - Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And our "Charlie Hates the Idea but Loves the Guy Who Had It Because He Fucking Owns It" award goes to...

Violinist, Cellist, Organist, Revolutionary? (Xxxxx Xxxx'x Xxxxxx Xxx)

Date: 2012-04-17, 1:45PM CDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

Wanted: Cellist, organist, violinist or multiple combinations there of to become regular entertainment at Minneapolis cocktail lounge. Tell me more.

The apocalypse is upon us. OK, I have a feeling that this is going to get stupid. Zombies Called it. are pacing the horizon and the future is bleak. Face defeat. Or. . .

Fight back, fittest.

Live human without fear, be lulled to peace slowly by the mellow-dramatic, heart-wrenching tones of ... insert YOUR name here, artist.

Original and morbid concept seeks creative and passionate musicians to embrace and enhance the ambiance of Xxxxx Xxxx'x Xxxxxx Xxx. It sounds stupid from the get go and your over the top presentation aren't doing anything to change my mind on that but goddamn, guy, you're fucking owning this. Discuss that which goes unsaid without the presence of government spies and elements of detection while serenading your audience's morbid love affair with eachother's apocalyptic survival and toast to fine mixology. You see? This is exactly the kind of ad where talking bullshit like this is necessary. What was that shit last week? With the kid talking about how vampire robots were cool but zombie vampires could fuck right off. Yeah, that was just for a regular assed metal band. This guy here, though? He's trying to start a full on zombie themed lounge act. Please note the difference. Play the tones of the soul facing pending obliteration, See? He fucking owns this shit. embrace the heartbreak, play it like no one ever thought they would want to hear it.

Multiple talents wanted for audition. If it didn't seem like something that, I have the nagging suspicion, would require me to wear face paint or, you know, something similarly retarded on a regular basis, I might be down. Even though, you know, that's a pretty big "might". Zombies have been saturating things lately and, frankly, I'd rather not jump on the bandwagon. (He said as he waited patiently for season three of The Walking Dead to come out whenever the hell that's supposed to happen.) Regular bookings desired pending audition and negotiation. Strong conceptual thinker with dedication to creativity is a must. Bring your ideas to the table.

Open auditions at xxxx N xxx St., Minneapolis MN 554xx Thursday 26 April 2012; 4pm-7pm.

Please bring resume, references and cover letter depicting your vision for joining XXXX concept. Sample material and photo to leave with management appreciated.

  • Location: Xxxxx Xxxx'x Xxxxxx Xxx
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

No contact info?if the poster didn't include a phone number, email, or
other contact info, craigslist can notify them via email. 

21 April, 2012

Recent Love (Croatian Edition)

Joe 4, Njegov Sin (Again with the no artwork?)
Anyhow, I just want to apologize to the other bands I've yet to review: Sorry, y'all. Joe 4 have released the record of 2012. I've been listening to this record since nine am. And I'm not about to stop. This is the first record I've heard in years that actually deserves to be put on constant repeat.
The record kicks off with "Vatra", one of those kind of hulking beat 'em up numbers that you're not going to find too often on Minneapolis Public Radio that is just perfect for fighting traffic on your way to the grocery store. The way it builds and falls and builds and falls, all within the same rhythmic motif is a nod to the power of dynamics that all good bands know how to wrangle. As an opener, you can't ask for more: It's big (sound wise), the band is as tight as ever, and Lu's voice - a defining characteristic in Joe 4's music that was always rough around the edges in a way that would strike pop music listeners as unorthodox - has found its footing. There's something more desperate in his screams this time, something that strikes me as someone who's fighting to be heard above the racket.
And what a racket. (Can I use that as a segue? Or is that too cheesy?) "Kazalište, Zatvor, Sudnica" begins with a drum intro that reminds me of High On Fire's Des Kensel and then quickly moves into - I shit you not - all of the best parts of all of the best songs I've ever heard all wrapped up into one song. The band shifts gears seamlessly; if you don't keep an ear on this one, you'll think you've been listening to at least, what? seventeen? eighteen songs. And trust me, they're all good ones. Believe me, there are some songs that I think go on entirely too long. "Kazalište, Zatvor, Sudnica" goes on way too fucking long and I'm A-OK with that. I want this song exactly as long as it is. So, my pick for best song on Njegov Sin is "Kazalište, Zatvor, Sudnica". There's a bit of clever interplay between the guitar and bass in some sections where the guitar plays the melody while the bass plays the tonic and then the guitar plays the tonic as the bass handles the melodic duties. (And, yes, I'm still writing about this song because I'm playing it a second time.) There's also a nifty drum break that will recall Shellac's Todd Trainer. For real, if you want to hear a drummer that's better than you or your band's drummer, listen to Joe 4, specifically "Kazalište, Zatvor, Sudnica". There's no getting around it: This is the best song on the best record of 2012. I know it's only April, I know that I have two more record reviews to get on, I don't give a shit. This is my goddamned blog and I'm fucking calling it: This is the best record of 2012. This is the bar. So, in a sense, fuck Joe 4 for making everybody, self included, have to step up their game. Also thank fuck for Joe 4 giving me a record I've been listening to nonstop for five and a half hours at this point. Come to the states, boys. Buy you some Američki plave traperice* and tour the fuck out of us.
"OH, WW2" just does not bullshit around. No intro, just straight to the goddamned point and into the tick-tock tight rhythm and a bassline recalling Gary Numan and Tubeway Army's "Down in the Park". This probably wasn't the best song to listen to in the produce section as I was grocery shopping this morning. I mean, hey, nothing heavy sounds all that bad ass when you're in a store looking for something. Like the time I walked into Target to buy air fresheners or something - hey, it could have been Preparation H for all I remember - and Big Black's "Kerosene" came on. You want to neuter a song? Go shopping with it. At the same time, I dare you to try to neuter anything on Njegov Sin.
Also, while I was in the produce department, this other song starts. It's a bit more mellow. It's honestly the kind of song that I could fall in love to; you know, me and a girl, developing a bond with each other on a sunny spring day, and this song comes on and it's like the perfect soundtrack for that moment, you know? And while I'm listening to the intro, I'm expecting Lu's voice to come in with a bit of a croon to it, maybe a low pitched bit of singing like this is going to be the ballad. And while I trust Joe 4 to not give me their rendition of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", I still suspect that this song is going to be their "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" moment, like maybe Lu got pussy-whipped one night and had to write a song about his old lady. It's OK, we've all done it. Your boo does something special for you like make you cupcakes or lets you put it in her ass** or something, and now you have to write her a song because you're drunk and you're in love and that's just what you do when you're drunk and in love: You write your old lady a song. Anyway, it's while I'm picking out an avocado that I hear the first lines: "It's all bullshit! Kickstarter apologists!" I go, "What?" and pull my phone out of my pocket and look at the song title: "Houlihan".
Now, for those of you who've never been to the PRF, Houlihan is a prolific and sometimes acidic poster on the forums. And what Lu has done in this song has so perfectly captured his spirit in the lyrics that I'm almost curious as to whether he just copied and pasted Houlihan's posts into the lyrics. Also? I was laughing my ass off in the produce section. "Don't sell me shit before it exists! Huge sack of diseased cocks on to your mom's face! Stop trying to sell me shit before it even fucking exists!" I was near tears in laughter in the grocery store this morning. For real. This song is also the second best one on the record, right below "Kazalište, Zatvor, Sudnica", the song I will not stop telling you about until 2013.
"Njegov Sin" is the barn-burner song on this record and the "side A closer", a quick little four-on-the-floor number that a lot of "side A closer"s could learn from. It says, "Look, this record aint over yet. Flip me over." Perfect in the way that Nirvana closed out side A of Nevermind with "Territorial Pissings" as opposed to how they closed out side A of In Utero with "Dumb" (but, hey, at least they opened side B with "Tourette's").
Side B of Njegov Sin opens up (See? I made another segue.) with "Spartacus". Its prolonged instrumental intro will remind you of the good bits of Alice in Chains. The rest of it is all jerk and lurch, convulsion and seizure and a nice little ascending melody. This one flows nicely into "Killer", which, with an intro that briefly recalls 7 Year Bitch's "Whoopie Cat", works on a similar musical and lyrical theme. (In fact, all of side B seems to be working on the same theme.) I'm getting a bit jealous of Joe 4 at this point. What's the job market like over there, fellas? Because I'm looking at joining your band.
"Karte" is the slow, cigarette number. I'm not saying that it's the song you have time to smoke a cigarette to (unless you smoke your coffin nails in two minutes, forty five seconds), I'm saying that this is the song they should play in movies when the antihero has to make a hard decision and lights a smoke while he makes his decision. And you know that by the time he makes his decision, as this song more or less tells you just by its very nature of brutality (OK, that sounded cheesy), he's going to have to kill his best friend who's gone off the deep end to save the femme fatale. That's how movies work. When you hear this song while a guy smokes a cigarette, he's about to fuck somebody's shit up. That's how life works, B.
"Almost a Boy" recalls the finer points of At.The.Drive.In's guitar and bass interplay. Heavier than a dump truck load of bricks and as melodic as a choir of seraphim. And I don't give a shit if that assessment of them sounds cheesy, that's what's in my heart, B.
"Marš Na Ilovu"'s guitar intro is the sound of rain on your windshield. After that, the song is one big march to war in ¾ time, replete with military marching band drum roll coming in at the 02:15 mark, and then the chant that "Everything's going to be alright!" And you know what? It will be alright kids. So long as this is record is added to your summer soundtrack. Unfortunately, Joe 4 haven't uploaded the goddamned thing to Bandcamp yet, so you can't hear how fucking good it really is. I can't say I'll dedicate a whole post to the day that they do but if you follow @SDDoubleA on Twitter, there's a good chance I'll tweet it when it happens. And it's going to happen, right, Joe 4? Everything really is going to be alright, right?

* That's Google Translate Croatian. What do you want? So far, the only Croatian I know is how to say "thank you" (hvala ti) on account of Lu via Facebook.
** Put some beans on it, Lu.

20 April, 2012

The Top 30 (or so) Records/EP's etc. of 2011, Part 6: 5-1

More things got in the way to make this an incredibly delayed final installment: a sudden move, a family emergency, a death in the family, etc. But never fear, dear readers (all 25 of you), I have returned with the much-agonized-over Top 5 Records of 2011.

Let's get started.

5. Pygmy Shrews - You People Can All Go Straight To Hell (Jack Shack)

First, the dual vocals that gave the band so much character are, for the most part, missing on this album. This is a slight disappointment, because it was such an enjoyable component of the band's sound. Tia Vincent's hilariously girlish sneering is barely anywhere on the record, and though Ben Greenberg's regular-guy, skinny-voiced punk shout is more than adequate and gets the job done, I deeply missed Vincent's vocal presence. It should tell you how good this record is when I tell you that the lack of Vincent's voice on most of these songs really doesn't matter very much in the end. No song on this album is quite at the level of sheer bilious genius that "Please Brain Drugs," off 2009's brilliant The Egyptian, so thoroughly embodied. But the breathtaking impact of the two openers, "No Supplies" and "AM Breakout," makes for the best stretch of Pygmy Shrews music ever, and the first side maintains a startlingly high level of quality. From flat-out great punk riffs ("Snake Eyes") to re-purposed leftovers ("Total Bowl" is a retooled version of the pre-Shrews band Cutter's song "Cruises," and it's nearly as good as that song was), to 47-second-long hardcore shouters, it's like a distilled lesson in how to rock. Jeremy Villalobos' drumming is absolutely incredible throughout the album. Side B, in contrast, is one long 12-minute jam. It would almost be a prog move if it wasn't so brutal, because no noise-punk instrumental this year hit harder than “Fuck The Law.” Their confidence in performance, which was already enormous, only got stronger on this album, and they pound away here with the impact of a train wreck and the precision of surgeons. Sadly, the band is no more, but in all fairness they left a great final statement to go out on. Long live Pygmy Shrews. 

4. Death Grips - Exmilitary (self-released)

This is an album that musically combines the overwhelmingly bleak, noise-ridden power of Dälek with the mind-bending, ear-catching factor of prime Bomb Squad productions, and MC Ride's incessant, gut-wrenching roar calls to mind early RZA in its' intensity and unrelenting anger. RZA was never the world's greatest MC, but on the early Wu-Tang releases, he quite literally sounded like he wanted to kill you. Ride's vocal approach doesn't have the same sense of diabolical spite, but his furious bellow is even more powerful. But, even more than Ride, the crazed production is the reason to pick this up. Nerve-wracking digitized noise violates your ears while the beats slam away with ruthless, howitzer-like force - and many unexpected samples are strewn throughout the record. From Jane's Addiction to Link Wray, it's like the producers raided your uncle's record collection and made it work. So, if it's this good - and for the most part, it really is - why is it ranked at No. 4? The single "Guillotine (It Goes Yah)" is not interesting or intelligent (in contrast to the rest of the material), and the instrumentals feel unfinished and insubstantial. But the cynic in me also thinks it's a little too successful at times. When I listen to this, a small, nasty part of me ends up wondering how much of this was precisely tailored to get indie rock kids listening to it. Part of me says I shouldn't hold this against the record, but I also wonder if I'm being manipulated. For example, if you think about it, it's too easy to get white indie rock and punk fans to like your music when you put a vicious, Black Flag-sampling anti-cop rant on your album. I bumped it down a notch or two for all of those reasons, but this album is very much worth your time. MC Ride may well become a star someday off the power of this record, which would be poetic justice in today's pop landscape.

3. Leather - Wretch EP (Fan Death)

There are few bands today who understand how to put out a 7-inch hardcore punk EP with four songs on it. Leather are high practitioners of this art. Wretch sees Leather solidify their artistic dominance as one of the two best hardcore bands around today. Alex Agran's approach to singing, an extremely aggressive but melodic wounded-dog howl, has slightly changed on this record. He's added another vocal approach to his arsenal here - an odd, tuneful, funny but utterly contemptuous drone that sounds like nothing so much as what Sammytown from Fang would have sounded like if he'd taken a few singing lessons and hadn't completely forgotten what made him a great punk singer halfway through the sessions for Where The Wild Things Are. These songs feature strange, hilarious and catchy vocal hooks, and the band's playing is even tighter than it was before. Sometimes, I don't know how this band plays so well. No one player stands out, but they manage to generate a level of force together comparable to a battering ram. With Agran's magnificent, Philadelphia-accented yell on top, the result is extraordinarily high-quality and wonderfully sardonic hardcore. The only problem is that they still haven't found a production job that does true justice to their sound.

2. White Suns - Waking In The Reservoir (ugEXPLODE)

You might think that you have no time for aggressively noisy and feral no wave in your life, but you would be wrong. This record is astonishing. Nothing here resembles a tune, but all of the pieces - because really, you can't call them songs, not in the verse-chorus-verse sense - are immaculately structured. I saw the band perform even the most abstracted piece included here, the title track, exactly as it sounds on the record. All of the bizarre parts in every track repeat, demonstrating their preplanned nature, and they do end up flowing into each other with carefully preordained logic. I really have no idea how a band could even write, much less rehearse a record like this, because almost all rules of conventional songwriting are thrown completely out the window. Almost no one could make a record like this. This is a written, intelligently composed record that happens to have utterly destructive noise as the primary component instead of melody. It's a mind-melting squall of hideous feedback, indescribably damaged guitar playing, Kevin Barry's disturbing, tortured screeching, extremely spastic, brutally pummeling rhythms and corroded, mindless electronics. There are a rash of rock bands around these days without bassists, and as a result, most of them sound powerless. But this band really has no room for bass in their sound. White Suns' entire aesthetic is screaming, mutilated, blistering treble - literally the sonic equivalent of scorched earth. This record could level small villages.

1. Hoax - Hoax (2nd EP) (Katorga Works/Youth Attack)

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I've probably listened to this EP nearly a hundred times since I first got it near the end of 2011. It is a quantum leap over anything Hoax has released previously. Lyrically, the songs are the kind of end-of-rope, 3:00 AM musings that you really only dwell on when there is absolutely nothing in your life that can sustain you in any way. Topics include joining the army specifically to get shot in battle, the self-explanatory "Suicide Pact," and not being able to sleep horrible memories off, and that's only the stuff I understand. Musically, the EP is filled with the kind of riffs hardcore bands would have sacrificed goats for in the '80's. Spectacular drumming, crushing guitars, and raving vocals all contribute to a negative chemistry so strong and frightening that it is absolutely impossible to ignore their music while it is playing. This band is probably a very acquired taste, but that doesn't matter. They are the best hardcore band in the US right now, and this is the best hardcore record I've heard in years. These songs are absolutely horrifying, and I mean that as the highest form of praise. It speaks to a condition not many people reach on their own.

19 April, 2012

Holy shit, the Weinermobile is across the street!

It's my blog and I'll do what I want with it. So if I want to post pictures of the Weinermobile in my neighborhood, I'll damned well do just that.

16 April, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Joe4 and Nonagon, your reviews are coming, I swear. It's just that the past two weeks have been the opening of the travel season and our new seasonal staffer bailed on us and we had to find a new one and... One of these days I'll have my own rock band and I'll no longer have to worry about the things middle management has to worry about.

seeking female guitarist (msp)

Date: 2012-04-15, 9:11PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hello, kiddies. Here's a truth: Lay it on me. Women perceive, process and play music differently than men do. Oh, I can tell we're in for an insightful one here.

And I like how that works.

Accordingly, I'm seeking a Date for the prom? Too late, bro. I already asked your cousin. smoking female guitarist for a new project. (Feel free to apply the adjective 'smoking' to any concept you like. Yeah, guy, because we can't tell you're going for a double entendre, there. So, you know, thanks for making it even more obvious.) Psychedelic turbo-pop folk-rock and no: I don't know what that means, either. Alternately, instead of being cutesy, you could just say "rock band". But I need a woman who can play.

(Just to be clear, I am not looking for a girlfriend or sexual partner. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh, it's funny because he's lying. Sucks to have to say that, Oh, come on, boo. Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all, at at least one point, lied to get the pussy. but it is not always obvious and I'm afraid some of my less-clever colleagues may have left one or two or all of you with the feeling that you can only safely be in a band with other women. On behalf of the y chromosome, This man does not speak for me. I apologize. It won't be an issue here. At least until the awkward, sitcom-esque moment where you "get caught with your pants around your ankles" in the practice space under the lame ruse of how your pen exploded or you spilled chili or some equally inane bullshit like that.)

So. Women guitarists: If you're looking for an interesting, highly creative, probably well-paid gig; OK, that sounds like you're trying to put together an escort service. if you have ability, energy, time, pro gear and the various necessary resources; if you have the gonads to play live, write and work with a thoroughly intense and possibly anarchic freak; RRRiiiggghhhttt... if you wanna fucking rock . . . hit me up.

I should also probably point out we're a pretty diverse group, by design. If you have issues with sick humor, if you are ageist or homophobic or racist, if you have control-freak tendencies, if you hate on the herbs . . . Alternately, you could've gone with the short version and said "republican". you will not easily fit in. Not saying you'll be automatically excluded -- that would be fantastically stupid and also on the self-defeating side -- but it might be hard for you to work with us. Caveat emptor, okay?

[Bonus points for being genetically-engineered, Stop. Asian, Stop. a weapons specialist Stop. or fictional. Well, now I can't do anything to help you, can I? But not, strictly speaking, necessary.]

Yes, I know this post might not seem much like a real offer. It doesn't. But it is. Your assurance means nothing.

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  • Location: msp
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And the winner of our "Posts Like That Crippled Kid from Malcolm in the Middle Talks" award is...

Serious Screamer/singer (Near)

Date: 2012-04-15, 3:45PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I am a young man... Who has followed music my entire life... Now its time to live my passion. I can scream with the best of em... Willing to come try out.. Or form a band of my own.. I have strong believes we can talk about... Also my influences range form meshugguah all the way to misery signals ...Also enjoy beloved, a day to remember... Stuff like that.. If you have skills or want to test mine send me an email!
Looking for a Metal/hardcore/post hardcore...... Something along those lines!
  • Location: Near
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Metal Guitarist and singer (Coon Rapids)

Date: 2012-04-14, 10:26PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

And this ad goes from reasonable to abysmal in t-minus 10...We need an ambitious guitar player willing to take time to write original crusty thrash songs. 9... We cover Sepulturas Refuse/Resist so you have to be able to keep up with that. 8... You don't have to be the best, you just have to be motivated. 7... If you can yell and play at the same time it would be a plus. 6... If you only sing we are still interested. 5... Must have good sense of humor. 4... It would help if you were familiar with some of the following; Sodom, Excruciating Terror, Nailbomb, Slayer, Anal Cunt, Sorry, I just like it whenever Anal Cunt gets a mention on Craigslist. It really is the only place on Earth where you can find a box of forty VHS cassettes, a used futon, semi-reputable lawn care, and a reference to Anal Cunt. Disrupt, S.O.D. 3... Singer should sound pissed off and can be any type of person. 2... Age, race, gender, sexuality, and planet of origin are not a problem. 1... Go! No vampires please, zombies and robots welcome. Robot vampires are ok. Zombie vampires go fuck yourself.
  • Location: Coon Rapids
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Minneapolis post rock band Oblivion seeks drummer (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-14, 11:57AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Hello Craigslisters! Hello.

Oblivion is looking for a permanent drummer that is dedicated and not a complete asshole. That's what we all want, darling.
Uh... I guess that reference would make more sense if it were from a movie more people actually knew and not some nineteen forties black and white number that I saw on TV one afternoon when I was sixteen and can't remember the title of, so let's just pretend I didn't make that reference or this awkward explanation.
Our sound has been described as a punk rock Tool So, and Brendan can correct me here, you mean No Means No? meets a psychedelic Nirvana. Oh, now you're just talking bullshit. Naturally, we are looking for a drummer that sounds like Danny Carey and Dave Grohl bro-cuddling. Hard hitting and animal like, but also be able to tone it down for gentle but articulate grooves. We enjoy dynamics, and go for blistering wall of sound riffing to a gentle, blissful ambiance. With a drummer we are a three piece, giving you more than enough room sonically to be rhythmically free and expressive. So, great, you've found the longest possible way to say you do the whole Pixies loud-quiet-loud thing. Good for you. We do play in odd time signatures, Easy there, Soundgarden. but it rather elementary and far from technical metal, or any kind of metal. SSSooo... ball-less?

We practice and write as much as possible and we play out as often as we can. We have toured before, miss it, and want to do more in the future.

We have a practice space in Minneapolis.

Our other influences include: Oh, this is going to be illuminating. Russian Circles, These Arms Are Snakes, Warpaint, Tori Amos, Enya, Calling bullshit right there. Nobody listens to Enya. Not even fucking Yanni listens to Enya. TAD, John Denver, Young Widows, David Lynch movies, Not a band. George Carlin, Not a band. Helms Alee, ISIS, Black Sabbath, Butthole Surfers, Placebo, Warren Zevon, and Kenny Loggins when viewed with a punk rock lens. Kenny Loggins when... Kenny Lo- We're talking about the same Kenny Loggins, right? Motherfucking "Danger Zone" Kenny Loggins? And you view him through... at times, occasionally, through a "punk rock lens"? How does that work?

For reference, we have over sixty live videos at youtube.com/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My apologies if this post was long winded and wordy.

We hope to hear from you,
Xxxx and Xxxxxx.

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

OK OK OK OK OK. Everybody watch very carefully these next two ads. Stick with them the whole way through.

X. Xxxxx, have gigs, need players (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-13, 5:25PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

My name is X. Xxxxx Xxxxx.

I am the ugliest bassist in the Midwest.

You may have seen me with my other group, For anonymity's sake, we're going to call them: Band X or one of the previous groups I've played with (Faces & Radio, More Than Kind, etc) or artists
I've backed (Cadillac Dave, CeCe Winans, Buddy Guy).

I've started a side project (X. Xxxxx Xxxxx & Who we will call: Band Y) with a drummer and a couple horns, I'm looking to close the loop. Don't have any chordal instruments.

I've got a couple shows booked, but need a guitarist, keyboardist or both. OK, so everybody's keeping score at home, right?

It's the joke that never gets old!
X. Xxxxx Xxxxx plays bass in Band X and Band Y. Band Y has a drummer but no guitarist. Perhaps Band X has a guitarist.

Sooner you contact, sooner we can get together, sooner we can get on stage.

Since we've literally just started don't have any band examples, but I've included some tracks of me riffing.

But I've gotten rid of those links.
  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Again, stick with me, now.

Band X Seeks Drummer ASAP (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-04-10, 8:35AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Band X X. Xxxxx Xxxxx's other band, remember. seeks 21+ drummer with gear and transportation ready to hit the ground running. We have an EP (which you can listen to here Yes, I changed that link.), a regularly maintained website w/blog, solid marketing and performance strategy, and local/regional contacts. You know, like your bassist, X. Xxxxx Xxxxx, the guy who's also in Band Y, with a drummer. Recent past gigs include: 7th Street, Fine Line, Hell's Kitchen, Acadia, Pizza Luce (Duluth), The Acoustic (Winona), Abbey Pub (Chicago), Red Line (Chicago), KARE 11 Today Show, WCCO weekend show, Live from Studio 5 on KFAI and many others. We rehearse 1-2 times/week, gig 2-3 times/month.

Serious inquiries only.
No mercenaries ? or sessionists.
We're looking to add a member, You mean like the one in your bassist's other band? not hire a sideman.
Attitude trumps ability in our book. In other words, you don't need to be Keith Moon, John Bonham, Ginger Baker or Buddy Rich, just be The guy from Band Y. decent.

Additionally, please note, we play for the love of playing. Not looking to become rockstars or sell millions (actually, we don't charge for our recorded music at all...it's exploitative to fans). No, you just get to brag about your philanthropy to your fans, thereby still exploiting them as they are now unwitting pawns in your self promotion game. Way to be. Some shows pay, some don't. So what. For us, it's about building a great sound to deliver great shows at great venues to great audiences. We've got a rehearsal space with a house kit. Bring your cymbals and snare, and lets see what vibes. Seriously, am I the only person seeing it? This band has a drummer, that band needs a drummer. That band has a guitarist, this band needs a guitarist. They share the same bassist. How is this not happening?

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx - Seeking Lead Guitar, Bass, and Drums (Lakeville, MN)

Date: 2012-04-13, 4:11AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I am not bullshitting you. I went to college with this guy. And it wasn't like we just kind of saw each other around, either. We were in the same study groups and shit.

The Band Quest Has Begun!

My name is Xxxxx, I'm 25 years old, Really? I always figured you were older. and I am Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx--an original eclectic rock one-man-band with A shitty name. I'm sorry I never told you but I also didn't think you were serious. influences ranging from heavy metal to pop music. I take my favorite parts from each genre and smash them together to create something I enjoy playing. My wild imagination He does have that. It's actually one of his more charming characteristics. and strong passion He's got that, too. for entertaining are a deadly combination, and now, after several years of planning, I know, man. What the fuck? I'm ready to take the whole experience to the stage!
I'm seeking a lead guitarist, Which you are already. a bassist, Which you are already. and a drummer Which you are already. Seriously, this fucking guy smokes. who are ready to pour blood, sweat, and tears into a project with potential. I need some rockers who want to take the next step from being a local bar band to international stardom. If you're tired of hearing "what's your backup plan?", you might be the right person for the job!
The most important thing you should know is that Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx is a Terrible fucking band name. business, Oh, Jesus, no. You really paid attention during business class? Shit, I did nothing but draw naked girly pics in my notebook and I still graduated cum laude, man. and most new businesses don't see profit for several months to several years. Oh, fuck. You really did pay attention during business class. Goddamn, man, they got to you. You have to start small and build your way up to the top. Christ, man. I don't know what the fuck to say. While this may seem like a start-up project, however, it's not It really isn't, man. Only Guided By Voices have more songs than this kid. --I have somewhere around 4 hours worth of finished original material, He aint fucking around. When he tells you it's finished, he means he's waiting for it to come back from mastering so he can send it to the pressing plant. a name, Well, the name sucks, we've been over that. logos, And the logo sucks, too. I mean, granted, there's no typeface in the world that can make your bandname cooler but the one you picked? Why not just use Comic Sans? and a website. I've already planned the first 3 albums, the next 2 internet-exclusive demos, and I'm currently brainstorming the concepts for albums 4 and 5. I have everything a band needs except shows, merch, and musicians, and that's where YOU come in! Me? Me, I'm staying the fuck out of it. Because, honestly... I think your music sucks, too.
I'm looking for candidates that meet ALL of the following requirements:
  • In your 20s (20--29) See? I'm already out.
  • No drugs or substance abuse (including alcohol) Oh, damn am I out!
  • Have your own equipment
  • Have a reliable vehicle/transportation
  • Have a job/steady income
  • Understand basic to intermediate music theory We had that class together, too.
  • Open to ALL genres of music No, actually.
  • Willing to play live solos and cover songs No and no.
  • Can learn new songs on your own time
  • Flexible schedule that can be adjusted for heavy gigging
  • Can assist with business decisions, booking, web presence, video filming/editing, recording, marketing, design, etc. . .
  • Be personable, and willing to talk to strangers (i.e., fans) Man, I don't even like talking to my family and now you expect me to talk to strangers?

    Chill out, Mom, it was a joke.
  • Have the drive and determination to succeed!
For more information about why I think Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx can rise above the rest, check out www.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.com, and use the contact form to get ahold of me. Also, be sure to do your research! By this, he means he wants you to go to sites with various "like" and "follow" and "friend" buttons you can click so he can plump up his stats. Watch. Check out Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx on MySpace, MySpace? Dude, 2004 called. It wants to know if it's cool again. Facebook, Reverb Nation, Reverbnation: For when you want more spam than what Monster.com sends out. and YouTube! So, basically every website ever.
Thank you for your interest, and good luck!

  • Location: Lakeville, MN
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Anyone like grunge? (South of the River)

[pricks up ears and yawns, stretches, and sits upright]

Oh, I forgot, that joke only works if you imagine that I am sleeping cartoon hound dog and the sound of the word "grunge" has woke me up.
What do you want? Not every week can be gold.

Date: 2012-04-11, 10:55PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I want to put together a fun 90's YYYeeesss??? cover/tribute I'm out. project focusing primarily on rock from the "grunge" scene. You know, Alice in Chains, Weren't grunge. STP, Weren't grunge. Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Weren't grunge. Screaming Trees, The Melvin's, OK, 1) it's Melvins. No "the", no apostrophe. 2) Whether Melvins were grunge is debatable. Mudhoney, Pearl Jam Extremely debatable. and of course, He's going to say it... Nirvana They all say it. or any combination thereof... You know, the good stuff!

I have sang lead in cover, original, and even an Alice in Chains tribute band Cover band. Say it. You were in an Alice in Chains cover band. How is it a "tribute" to a band to play their songs to make you money? So, you see? I've put the whole matter to rest and you can stop talking bullshit. for 15 years. WOW! Holy shit. You mean you pretended to be Layne Staley for fifteen fucking years? Jesus Christ! Let me ask you something: What does it - you know, because I'll never know this, which is why I'm asking and I'm genuinely curious, but what does it feel like to throw away your entire creative life? I am 37, And you're telling me that you started that shit when you were old enough to know better? Goddamn! fun, and have the look and voice for the job! You can hear my original band from a few years back at:

MySpace.com/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx What the fuck? Is it "retro" to have a MySpace account now? There's eight goddamned people on Google+ and only three have added me to their circles and now I have to go reopen my old MySpace account? Shit.

I have kind of done it all with music Dude, you spent a decade and a half pretending to be somebody else for money. That's nowhere near "done it all" no matter how many "kind of"s you put in front of it. so I am not a beginner, but now have a wife, a great job, baby on the way, and a mortgage! Then guess what, nigga! Time to put the whole rock star thing on the back burner for five fucking minutes and take care of your goddamned family! But I want to play some great 90's rock, do some shows, maybe write and record a few originals, and just have a good time playing some great tunes. Should have thought of that before you fucked your old lady after she went off the birth control, hombre. Maybe end up making a little money out of it eventually, but that is not my main goal. Yeah, your main goal. The one that really ought to be paying the damned bills. How am I younger than you, without wife, child, or mortgage, and know before you do that it's time to put the lycra pants in the back of the closet and start spending time at home at night when you're going to take turns with your wife tending to the baby? How do I get that and you don't? Because let me tell you, motherfucker (because I'm an expert all of a sudden), if you want to get rid of your wife and house, the surest way is to go out all night carousing with the boys only to come back at three or four in the morning dressed like a fucking flannel nightmare and reeking of alcohol and bar bathroom while your old lady's been at home, alone, all night with a baby that won't shut the fuck up. I bet you'll get away with that shit all of three times before the divorce papers come in. Then look at what pretending it's twenty years ago will get you. This is the style of music i keep coming back to so why not do a whole project around it?! Nothing too serious, but want serious musicians who are pro and reliable to rehearse once a week one the ball gets rolling.

I'm open to ideas, How about the idea of taking care of your fucking kid? and am not closed off to throwing other genres in there or newer rock. The point is I can sing it all, and do it well! I will have a great practice pad in Lakeville when my new house is done being built May 18, but we can still get a lot done until then!

I might have an awesome guitarist on board, but most likely need another guitar, bass, drums. I have hookups for places to play down here too...

Who's in?

Thanks for looking,

  • Location: South of the River
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

09 April, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

This week's batch? Nothing to write home about, honestly. Our first one is just weird. I tried to find the post it's in response to but it seems to have been removed. Still, as it stands - out of context - it's just weird enough to enjoy.

Re:Towlie (Litter Box)

Date: 2012-04-06, 8:32PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Yes, but is Towlie a Jazz Cat? I am lookin' for a jazz cat that can blow man! Dig?
  • Location: Litter Box
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

I'm including this ad because it's cool. And he uses the words "musically related". Help this guy out if you can.

amphetamine reptile records documentary

Date: 2012-04-05, 6:50PM CDT
Reply to: mstwq-2942655345@comm.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

i didn't know where to put this ad, but it is music related, so, yeah.
I'm interested in making a documentary about amrep and it's bands. but i have no equipment. i imagine this would take about a year to complete.
i've never made a film before, but i'd like to try to do the editing and directing, with some guidance, of course.
i doubt that there would be much, if any, financial benefit to this, and it would require some small traveling costs. i just hope to meet some people who are interested in doing this and contributing anything they can.
i'm sure the film would be successful in small venues and festivals.

as far as contacts, i have a few, and most would be very easy to get a hold of. i have no more than 3 degrees of separation between myself and almost all desired interviewees.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2942655345

Looking for a lady screamer/singer for your underground band? (mpls )

Hadn't thought about it.

Date: 2012-04-05, 12:01AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

hey yall, Lady, where I'm from, we spell "y'all" with an apostrophe. Don't try to out "down home" me, I'm from the rust belt.
i really want to start a band, it's been a while since i've been in one
i am in my twenties and so are my roommates
a couple of my roommates play guitar and drums, we could collab Or, you could start a band. Problem solved.
i have a few songs that i've written, the themes are: Nobody cares.
environmental destruction, the garbage patch in the pacific, and pollution
my lyrics are political i guess I'd say those themes are more environmental but, hey, potato / pototto.
i can play keys You see? You play keys. Your roommates play guitar and drums. Start a band with your roommates. Easy-peasy. as well as sing on pitch or growl vocals. i'd rather stray from the clean vocals...
i'd be willing to play in a noise, crust, OK, so... that's code for doesn't shower. powerviolence, or experimental, metal/thrash band or anything really
basement shows perhaps? or jamming. or venue shows.
lets get that creativity flowing, shall we?
feel free to email me. sooner rather than later chumps. We're the chumps? You're the one living with a fucking band and posting on Craigslist.

  • Location: mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Whistler for Your Indie Band (Minneapolis)

That's a thing?

Date: 2012-04-04, 11:01PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

You know you can't have an indie band without an attractive girl up on stage, Actually, this is something we've covered ad nauseum and I would beg the contrary but go on. that's why you need me. I am a superb whistler. OK, who let Zooey Deschanel on Craigslist? I can also play the recorder and piano, Oh, so you are a musician. OK. You see, for a minute, I thought you were just some daffy bird. but whistling is my specialty. Chill out, Zoos, I have my doubts that somebody's going to want you to just stand there on stage and whistle, further, I doubt that somebody's going to need whistling on every song, so, uh, you might want to put those piano skills out there further. I'm alright at singing, so could do some backup vocals as well. I'm 23 and don't want to be in a band with some high school kids, Thank. Fuck. Somebody gets it. but if you're in your 20's and have an indie band that's lacking a whistler/back up vocalist/keyboardist/recorder player, Uhh... I'm your girl!

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And our "You Sound Like a Fucking Hippy" award goes to...

Can Anyone Teach Me to Dream (out there)

Date: 2012-04-02, 4:52PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I think it would be just dreamy to be in a band. I've got the sleeping part down, but I don't know if I'm dreaming right.
  • Location: out there
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
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