12 March, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Man, it got over 60°F this weekend and everybody knew about it. And you know my theory about the weather and the weridoes. I'm just going to say that it was so nice out that attractive young women I'd never met before in my life were smiling at me; when it's that nice out, you know we're in for some bullshit in the ads.
Aside from our first one. This one intrigues me so I'm not going to anonymize it, I'm going to encourage you to contact this person if you can help them out. Give a little something back to the community that's brought you such... Um, do any of you laugh?

what is my violin worth?

Date: 2012-03-11, 6:58PM CDT
Reply to: mrmfp-2897074023@comm.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I have a beautiful violin and on the inside reads Franciscus Gobetti fecit Venetiis 1741. Does any one know what it is worth or where I can find out.. I've tried google and all the search sites with no results...

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2897074023

And the winner of our "He's Fucking Dead, Let It Go" award is...

Elvis looking for a band... (Minnesota)

Date: 2012-03-09, 9:19PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Pro Minnesota veteran Elvis Tribute Artist Impersonator. Say it, you are an impersonator. seeking back-up show quality band to take my stage show Impression. When you pretend to be someone else in a perfectly legal and mostly harmless way, it's called an impression. to the next level. Nobody in town has this going on. Good. My baritone voice requires some slight downward transposing from original Elvis versions and songs need to be done "right" (authentically) but with Cirque "Viva Elvis" edge (Google it). I did and now I can't help but wonder what's got Cirque de Soleil slumming it with an Elvis impersonator. Once show-ready there's the potential for working half the hours and making twice the money - when we want. I'm not up to building a band from the ground up, but would prefer an established, committed band or group of like-minded musicians looking for something different, fun, impressive. I have thousands invested in costumes and gear. Possible jokes include:
  1. I'm just going to go out on a limb then and assume that you are not married.
  2. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
  3. Way to live, guy!
  4. You pay? To play dress up? And it's not a sex thing? You're doing it wrong.
This is about doing a real stage SHOW as opposed to "gigging." My Website is www.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.com

  • Location: Minnesota
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

noob drummer wanted (BURNSVILLE!!!!! JUST BURNSVILLE!!!)

Date: 2012-03-09, 10:28AM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I don't want a good drummer. I want somebody who sucks. somebody who probly started like a month ago or a day ago. I wouldn't mind a good drummer but I prefer some punkass who has a very little idea what hes doing. I just want somebody who wants to rock out and write shitty weird songs.

I wrote a song about a man with no penis so if thats funny to you Not really. then lets fuckin do this!!!

I am 20 and I play guitar. I want someone between 15 and 30 I don't care about race or gender.

I'll find a shitty singer later

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Im sick of looking for a band (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-03-08, 8:51PM CST
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com So, I guess we can all count on this going downhill.

Im 14, Oh, shit. Where the fuck are this kid's parents? He's fourteen, on Craigslist, and he didn't anonymize his email. This kid is going to get molested by the end of the week. I play bass and drums and guitar but i only have 3 basses, ¡Ay, pobrecito! ¿¡Sólo tres bajos guitarras!? ¡Ay, mi dios; di que no es tan! [And from "Charlie uses two years of high school Spanish", we will now segue into "Old Man Charlie tells a junior high kid to shut up".] I didn't even get my first guitar until I was your age and that was the only guitar I had until I was sixteen. So don't come up into my house with this "I have only three basses" bullshit. I bet they're not even yours. They're your dad's, aren't they? i really want a band. Im open for any genre as long as there are reggae and punk influences. like Sublime, Green Day, Peter Tosh, "Legalize it and I will advertise it" Peter Tosh? Jesus, where are this kid's parents? The Ramones, etc. please e mail if you are interested

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Need Percussionist. IN BURNSVILLE! (Burnsville)

Date: 2012-03-07, 10:42PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I believe a band needs 3 basic elements: Percussion, Rhythm, and Vocals. I believe they need three different ones: Guitar, bass, and drums. I play guitar and I am very good at doing what I intend to. I play dark and very raw riffs. Sometimes my riffs are like Tool, sometimes, Sabbath, and sometimes something completely new. I want to keep it kinda slow, but I don't mind shredding it upp here and there. I want a drummer (bongos, drum set, maybe some other kinda tribal drum), somebody who plays maybe maracas or a didgeridoo (or maybe something else.) , and a vocalist (any gender or race.) So you want to play Tool meets Sabbath with bongos.
I don't know how I feel about that.

I want to make something dark and unique.
Examples of Dark: Watch what he does here. I swear I did not alter this next part in any way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akt3awj_Ah8 Black Sabbath (great example of dark and slow)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2J6UCGjqPI Danzig (great example of dark and slow)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo Tool (great example of my inspirations. Tool in many ways inspires me and this song is beyond beautiful. Perfect dark ideas and Their guitarists style influences mine a bit.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNFglDcW7dQ Slayer (yet another influence on my playing. This particular song is slower than their norm, but way darker)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1qlKklTgGg Lair of the Minotaur (not really what I am going for but the chorus is soooo cool. And dark)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJlN9jdQFSc&ob=av2e Johnny Cash (experimental and very dark lyrics)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvt38IIhGdU Slipknot (Not the sound I am going for, but The idea of multiple percussionists is why I put this here.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2A4Km5PTu5o&ob=av2n Godsmack (huge inspiration from these guys This is kinda what I am going for only taking it farther)
Basically I would make it darker and more experimental.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs02sQxNnV0 Alice in Chains (These guys do a lot of very slow dark ones and that is really what I want.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBk1jUmyPmM Niobium (So underrated. His voice sounds bad on this vid, but trust me these guys have had some great live stuff and They actually really influenced me)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU4hhNKsPog ( I love AFI except their new album. AFI used to be dark and they never went for any specific sound which is what I really like about them.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpBrAR0tLDY (This interview mentions a point I like at about 0:46 in they get at a good way to describe what I want. NEW MUSIC!!!)

Tell me you saw it.

I am somewhat of an athiest. I follow nothing. If you want to then go right ahead.

I am 20, I have some great equipment and some mediocre stuff, I'm a guy (if that matters), I love most genres of music, Especially the dark stuff, right? I am 420 friendly, and I
I'm pro gay, pro life, Wait wait wait. So you smoke pot and believe in the rights of gay men but not in the rights of a woman who, should she ever have to make a choice in regards to having an abortion, has to make a harder decision than you ever will in your entire natural life? That's out there, man. and I am an upstander for sexism. I'm not entirely certain that I get what that means. Are you saying that you advocate sexism? I am very very patient with music and if it takes trying a song 40 times for somebody to get it down then I will still gladly work with them on it. Patience and commitment are main aspects of a band.

  • Location: Burnsville
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

*-****- looking for female singers -+-+-+-+-+ (Minneapolis )

Date: 2012-03-06, 9:00AM CST
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

We are an original band from Asia. We're looking for female singers to complete the band. And thus began one misguided soul's attempt at starting a sex-slavery ring specializing in selling white girls to Asian business men.
This is a long term opportunity and ideal for music lovers and travelers.
We want someone gifted who can take it to the next level
Well knowned in the biz so be ready to start doing big things
If you are interested please send your profile to xxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
Thank you 
Tell me that didn't come across a little creepy.

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

No contact info?if the poster didn't include a phone number, email, or
other contact info, craigslist can notify them via email. 

I like this guy.

Drummer looking for band to play along with my drum solos. (Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-03-06, 1:15AM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Here's the deal:
I am going to play a drum solo the whole time.
You can play whatever you want--I won't be listening to you.

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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