05 March, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Our first pair of ads? Well, let's just say that there was a young'un with a dream and an adult looking to give him guidance. Basically, I'm just posting it here because the Craigslist community is open to everybody, including childish asshats who have, by now, certainly flagged the reasonable, thought out response because... I don't know why they do that, they just do.

Indie Rapper looking for producer/DJ to start group (South Minneapolis)

Date: 2012-03-04, 8:58PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

whats good My name is matt Matt? Rappers aren't named Matt. You need to come up wit something like Big Thrilla or Gawzzz Taype or something. and im looking to start a indie hip hop group similar to atmosphere and grieves a budo to name a few. I have been freestylin and writing for a little while now and everybody I spit to says I have skills and should start recording. I have had people offer me free studio time I just need the beats and the producer to get this rolling I dont care how you make your beats just have them in an Mp3 format so We can load it into the studio software the guy said he will have a sound engineer to give us some help. I am very real and take this very seriously so you should to get back to me with a sample of your beats and a little about you.


  • Location: South Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

RE: Indie Rapper (Twin Cities)

Date: 2012-03-05, 10:14AM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org


First off, if you're looking to be like Atmosphere or Grieves&Budo, I suggest you move out of state.
Because you will not be successful here.
That formula will make you one of a million fish in a very small pond all vying for attention.
Think outside the box.

Second, don't trust your friends when they say you have skills.
A better test is grabbing a mic and freestyling at a hip-hop show with a real crowd. The Cabooze and Fine Line Music Cafe are perfect for this.
Even ciphering outside or in the crowd of one of these shows is good.

Third: Whoever has this "studio time" and requires an .MP3 file doesn't know shit about recording music. And this will lead to you getting ripped off by any producer / song arranger you get your beats from.
Look for .WAV files. Better yet, ask your "studio engineer" if they even know the difference.

You may think i'm an asshole, Matt, but you said you're taking this music shit seriously.
This is a serious response.

Good luck homie.
-Twin Cities Hip Hop OG

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Like Celtic Music? (Metro)

I like it alright.

Date: 2012-03-04, 11:23PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

-- Want to be a musician for a living, not as a fun hobby. Probably not since I was twenty two or so but, you know, I'm falling out of love with my job more and more by the day and I'm not really qualified to do anything so, yeah, why not?
-- Hard working. Willing to attend rehearsals up to 2x weekly. That's nothing.
-- Think having 3 gigs a week would be awesome, not a drag. That would be kind of awesome but I don't know how we're going to book that many shows in one week every week.
-- Are able to show up on time and perform your duties. "Duties"? Am I joining a band or applying for a job?
-- Will not cancel a show unless you are in the hospital, and then will want to devise a cunning plan to appear via satellite. OK, how often does it happen that people cancel shows "just because"? I've never seen that happen. It's why I've come to like when I see somebody post an ad with the clause "You better not cancel a show/rehearsal unless __________!" I imagine this person says that kind of thing while putting his index finger in my chest.
-- Able to learn music quickly or put in whatever time is necessary to do so. OK, you're really sucking the fun out of being in a band and turning this into a help wanted ad, now. You know that, right?
-- Have a clear idea of what you want creatively but are open to and will respect others' input.
-- Are able to get along with others and discern between professional and personal relationships, and maintain them. What the fuck is this? HR mediation?
-- Have a keen memory.
-- Know who Paddy Moloney, Dick Gaughan, and Karen Matheson are None of the above. and are able to explain the differences. They're not all Irish?
-- Are not trying to be Flogging Molly. Why? They're not Irish enough?
-- Do not use the term "Irish Drinking Songs". The Irish half of me thanks you. The German half of me asks what other kind of drinking songs come from Ireland.
-- Were not turned on to Celtic music because of Riverdance or Celtic Woman. Ah, shit!! You caught me!
-- Are over 21, preferably over 25.
-- Do not have a criminal record. I got popped for walking home from Howard's once with an open beer.

YOU MUST HAVE SOME MODICUM OF TALENT. Tin ears need not apply. If your Mum has told you you're good, f*ck off. What if my Mum is Irish?
If you've had gigs around town only to not be asked back, f*ck off. Is this a thing you're going to do? List reasons for people going and fucking off? Really? And further, you're a grown goddamned adult, "fuck" is spelled with a "u", not an asterisk.
If random strangers have told you you're really really good, fire me a message.
If a random stranger from Ireland, Scotland, or Wales has told you you're really good, please email me.
If other successful musicians (especially Celtic) have told you you're good and will confirm it, please email me immediately. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that this motherfucker aint got a drop of Celt's blood in him anywhere for all the shit he's talking. Shit, I bet you his ass is English.

If all this sounds too difficult, picky or time consuming, No, you just come across as a dick. you've already made the decision for me.
Thank you for your time.

  • Location: Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And the winner of our "Charlie Needlessly Turns an Otherwise Reasonable Post into a String of Sexual Innuendos" award goes to...

Want To Be In An All Female Band? (Minneapolis)

Lady, I want to be in an all-female everything.

Date: 2012-03-03, 10:51PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Looking for a bassist, guitarist, Well, hello. and drummer for a rock band...but you have to be a girl! Damnit! :) I am located around the Minneapolis area and would be interested in hearing from some gals that wanna jam. What a coincidence! I want to jam some girls! I have songs written and have been singing for 9+ years. Looking for someone age 18-25, So am I! no specific level of talent required, I am willing to grow with you In a mutually beneficial mostly sex-based relationship in which I make you the occasional lasagna and provide an intimate foot rub or two? as a musician Or that. You know, whichever. :) Bands that inspire me vocally and lyrically are: Nirvana, Yes. Pearl Jam, No. Alice In Chains, Yes. Deftones, Yes. Tool, Honestly? I like only "Prison Sex". Never got too into Tool. Metallica, Maybe. Depends. Led Zeppelin Yes. etc. If it makes any difference, I also have an electric guitar that I can play which is an ESP LTD. If you are even the slightest bit interested PLEASE email me. Oh, you're begging for trouble. I just really want to talk to some fellow hard What's that? I just really want to talk to some fellow hard One more time. I just really want to talk to some fellow hard I love it when you talk dirty to me. rocking chicks!! Oh. :)

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

mix tape with original bands from scratch (Uptown)

Date: 2012-03-02, 3:03PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

I'm looking to make sverhal compilation CDS this summer of MN original music.

I will be recording the music of your band for free. You will only have to pay Woah woah WOAH! I have to pay? What the fuck do I have to pay for? a small fee to help pay for the duplication and marketing of the disc. Fuck you. It's your project, you fund it.

All genres are welcome as I will be doing a couple of cds.

Email me if your interested.

Thank you

OK, my little illiterati, gather around and let Daddy Charlie tell you a story about a time when he was in the Straightaways. You see, the Straightaways had been getting quite popular and we were ready to go out looking for things like a label and whatnot. Well, we found one called Garage Tapes out of Columbus, OH. This guy who worked for Garage Tapes was going to include the Straightaways on a comp called Sonic Imbalance; you can find it here. Take note of three things, please:
First, the name of the song we contributed was "Diesel Eater", not "Diseal World". I had to Google what the fuck a diseal was and found it's a brand of packing tape but that's beside the point. The point is that nobody thought to proof read the paperwork that accompanied our contribution before the sleeves went to press.
Secondly, yeah, the paperwork. Legally binding paperwork to which Bob and I applied our John Hancocks. Basically, there was some money that was going to be involved. Thankfully not from our end. And apparently not from Garage Tapes's end either because we've never seen one red cent from the sale of that comp.
And thirdly: Note that that comp is not for sale. Way to go, Garage Tapes.
(Actually, I'm surprised that I remember the name of the label and the comp at all without having to go downstairs and dig it out.)
What I'm getting at is that my band was screwed and we weren't asked for a fucking dime. What kind of return on investment can this schlub promise?

  • Location: Uptown
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Are you a bass player that likes post-hardcore/melodic/rock? (MPLS/Surrounding)

Date: 2012-03-01, 5:18PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

We have a dilemma. YYYeeesss???

It seems as though there aren't any bass players around the cities that fit our bill. Our sound is somewhere between Ivoryline/The Receiving End of Sirens/Saosin/Thrice/Anberlin. Never heard of any of those. We've jammed with a few guys, and while they've been really awesome, we still haven't truly found what we're looking for. To make this as efficient as possible, here's a dumb laundry list:

-First, be solid. Rhythmically sound, stay with the kick and understand simple song structure.
-Please share the same influences. And it goes off the rails in three, two, one...
-We're pretty picky when it comes to tone (for our guitars and for the bass); that said, we really prefer pick-style playing, and if you've ever used/own a Tech 21 SansAmp, that's huge. Pretty awesomely huge. Aaaaaand we're partial to Fenders, but....meh. Not the most important thing by any means. (Our ideal bass rig is a P-Bass through a SansAmp w/ a decent head and an Ampeg 8x10...call it what you will as far as pickiness, but it's just how it is). Then what you need to do, if you want someone with that equipment, is have a coin toss and the losing guitarist goes out and buys that exact rig and becomes your bassist. Otherwise, trust the prospective bassist to know what really sounds good as far as a bass rig is concerned and shut the fuck up.
-Be cool. We'd like to think we're alright dudes (minus this post,Yeah, that last bit has earned you a serious bit of point dockage. maybe). No crazy heroin binges or anything, either.

Ok. That sounds dickish. But it needs to be. We've been too passive aggressive with everything thus far, so the more efficiently and succinctly we define what we're looking for, the better. I hope.

Thanks in advance for putting up with us until right now!

P.S. Demos available upon request. They're a bit older, and we're currently wrapping up an EP that sounds waaaayyyyy better, but they'll do.

  • Location: MPLS/Surrounding
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Hard working dreamers. (TC)

Date: 2012-02-29, 8:22AM CST
Reply to: fxc4d-2876881901@comm.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Universe !!!!
Send me the greatest bandmates you can find, women and men, i want something unique and new ! something colorful and energetic !
I want a drummer (male), a bassist (male), a key player (female), a rythme guitar (female) and horns (males and females).
Why so much specificity ? Because you're a control freak with issues centered around gender roles in popular music? Because i'm a talented song writer with a passive revolution I'm sorry, what? passive revolution What the fuck is a passive revolution? in mind and i know what i want !!!
you can find some of my repertoire following this link, Yes, I changed this link. .
Be serious and willing to commit ... and catch on to a sane dream without limits. Are you on fucking acid?
AAAnnnddd cue the promises!

We will have full acces to a recording studio at no fees, and of course a real contract, exposure and connections to the business...
Care to join? No.

  • Location: TC
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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