23 March, 2012

Marry Fuck Kill ("Fritz the Cat" Edition)

No, I'm totally serious. We're playing Marry Fuck Kill with the three dog-women (Perhaps they were supposed to be a bitch joke? After all, cops are pigs in this movie.) from 1972's X-rated animated feature film, Fritz the Cat.
Now the problem is going to be in identifying them because only the tall redhead one has a name. For real. There are only eight actors on the movie's IMDb page and only four of them have specified characters. Three are credited as "(voice)" and one's just left blank. For real. So here's what we're going to do with these three characters: The tall redhead is, at one point, identified by Fritz as Winston, perhaps due to her resemblance to Fritz's girlfriend, Winston Schwartz. Now IMDb has her listed as Winston#1, perhaps meaning that the other two are "Winston"s as well. No way of knowing, though. Anyway, let's not over think it too much; we're talking about fucking a dog here, after all.
So, everybody on board with that? The tall redhead one is named Winston for the purposes of this game.
Now the white one? In the lavender stretch pants? She identifies herself as Jewish. That's not a name, I know. I also don't want to be the anti-Semite up in here and call her "the Jew" but A) I think "the Jewish one" isn't much better, B) I actually know Jewish people who say "Jew" instead of "Jewish person" and so on and so forth, and C) tonight begins Shabbat which means that, as soon as sundown hits, Jews can't use their computers until sundown tomorrow and no one will ever know that we were borderline offensive when it wasn't even our fault because the movie said it and we didn't and we're just a bunch of crazy mixed up meshuga nebbishes whose farkakta idea of fun is talking about schtupping anthropomorphic cartoon dogs.
Like what I did there, Jews? I tried to prove that I'm down.
OK, so we've got Winston and - Jesus, just calling her Jew still feels wrong. Can we call her Jewess? Does that make it better? I think it doesn't.
And lastly, the blonde one. I really have no idea how to identify her. She doesn't identify herself as anyone or anything. Nobody else addresses her as any one or anything. So, I guess for identification purposes, we call her blondie. Because, you know, what else do we have?
So, now we get to play Marry Fuck Kill with Winston, Jewess, and Blondie from Fritz the Cat. Choose wisely, my little illiterati.

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