27 February, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

OK, 1) There is some abysmal punctuation in today's batch. 2) I accidentally just sat on one of my nuts.

Guitar Player (Twin Cities)

Date: 2012-02-26, 6:48PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Our artist a guitar player, song-writer, singer is looking for folks to play with who are interested in creating something rhythmically solid, dynamically interesting and melodically creative. Folks who enjoy the work involved in putting a concrete project together. The vision is to get a female vocalist and or a couple of different vocalists with a compliment of keyboard, bass, drum, and guitar SSSooo... a whole band? that can lay down a solid rocking groove. Or to play for somebody else's project.

• Drug & alcohol free but he's not so concerned about what other people are doing Great, because I'm going to be fucking drunk.
• Happy fun loving character, next to no shame Just what I fucking needed.
• Three different sizes of pro gear Three sizes!?*
• Plenty of good transportation including an extended length 1 ton 2006 GMC 3500 van for hauling gear
• Excellent meter I'm sorry, what?
• Career minded Lame-o.
• Small 8000 watt PA
• Also in all of his recordings he wrote, executive produced, sang, and played guitar on all tracks You fail to impress me.

* Totally unrelated but "Three sizes!?" reminds me of the time I went back to Ohio and Contributing Author Adam and I dragged Guy and Joanna out of the house to the bar and Joanna was telling us this story and she said something, I forget what it was, that caused us three guys to blurt out in unison "Four lesbians!?"
This is much funnier to me than it is to you, I'm sure.

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

need unusual instruments (msp)

Date: 2012-02-25, 11:23PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Mostly because I'm tired of every band in the Western hemisphere, Europe and Japan. So you've just ruled out, what? Sixty percent of the world? WTF is with you people? What the fuck did I do!? The Beatles were a two-guitar-bass-and-drums setup, so you have to be too? NNNooo... I'm pretty sure that people were doing that before the Beatles, are doing it after the Beatles, and will continue doing it long after the last Beatle croaks because the shit just works, B.

ANYWAY. If you play something else, gimme a shout. I already play guitar Goddamnit! Jimi Hendrix played guitar; you have to, too? (along with mandolin, piano, didgeridoo and a few others), please don't contact me saying you're a guitar player but would be great in this gig, or are "willing to learn." You're not. Am so. If you were, you'd have done so already. I just fucking did.

Right. Sorry. Distracted myself . . . looking for non-usual instrumentation for a rock band. Accordion. Viola. Electric bassoon. SSSooo... like Tom Waits? Hi-tension powerlines (NO, that is not a reference to guitars, please see above). How would high-tension pow- I mea- How do you relate the two... to each... oth- I don't get it. Anything. Cool, how about guitar? Anything not the usual rock band instrumentation.

It would help if you were good at it, too; Baby, I'm good. Believe me. I am cruel when presented with delusional people. So if you don't want to be laughed at, ruthlessly: Please be talented. Well, doesn't that just speak for itself?

Where are we going with all this? Wherever the fuck we feel like. Yeah! Hit me back and I'll explain in detail.

  • Location: msp
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Where's the ROCK GODS ? READ THIS !!!! (Ne mpls)

Date: 2012-02-25, 12:29PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Seems like they are a dying breed..... Ellipses have three periods, junior. Bassist who does/keys/vocs -w- very pro gear.... Good god, man, who taught you punctuation? You're a bassist who "does"? And, come on, "w/" is "with", "-w-" is the fucking Weezer logo. looking for HEAVEY HARD ROCKIN gods of the day.....hair not necessary but if ya got it flaunt it any style...Im into sonic thunder Oh, Jesus. performer types only....marshall....Mesa...Tama...ludwig...whatever ...ya gotta be able to pound it out load and proud brothers and sista's....power metal,hard rock,glam,industrial fucking rage metal bring it....recording and touring a must....local or national don't matter to me....Anything like : jimmy Page....Rammstein....NIN....M-Crue....Fates warning....Disturbed...Kings X......Godsmack.....Sevendust......Manson....Zombie........Getting the picture ? Yeah, that you like some shitty music and seven year olds can punctuate better than you can. Looking to tear up a new scene....Dressin in black is back man !!!!! Back? Back? Where the fuck have you been since, I don't know, the 1950s? In a sensory deprivation tank? Black has always been in.

  • Location: Ne mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Drummer & Guitarist are LOOKING FOR A BASSIST AND A SINGER good music. (St. Paul Park)

Date: 2012-02-23, 12:07AM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Type of musique: It's OK, everybody here speaks English. You can spell it m u s i c. Hard to describe. Bits of modern folky rock and blues mixed with some goofy surf rock stuff and some drastic changes and much more. OK, let me get this straight: You've combined elements of modern folk-rock with blues, "goofy" surf rock, and drastic changes? Did I read that right?
Here's a few songs we've recorded. The last one is just a chorus but with lyrics included.
There were three links here. They aren't anymore.

I'm Xxxxx (drummer), and Xxxxx is the guitarist. I'd like to think of us as "collaborative as shit." Yo, these mothafuckas' collaboratin' game is tight, B! They be all deferring to each other and shit for guidance up in this mothafuckin creative process, yo! We can get super funky with music and both love playing. We're intelligent people and eat chicken alfredo often Oh, ha! Ha ha ha! You're so quirky and unique! Why, you could be a Zooey Deschanel movie!
Also? Chicken alfredo would really hit the spot right now.

What we're looking for in vocals is someone who sounds unique and is around the same age, 18-25. I'm out. Someone cool to hang out with too. I'm still out.
What we're looking for in bass is someone who is cool to hang out with You just said that. As in it was the sentence immediately preceding this sentence. and knows their way around the bass, and around the same age group as well Well, we have mastered the art of reiteration, haven't we?
Looking for another guitarist too I reckon. I might be back in. [revisits links] Nope. I'm still out. We've got quite a few original songs, it's all we do...we've never learned one cover song. I like their spirit, a little goofy but generally OK. Best of luck to you, lads.

  • Location: St. Paul Park
  • it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Solid Modern Rock Guitar Wanted (- T.C. -)

Date: 2012-02-22, 9:29PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

Bear with me; this is how I read the first sentence.
Solid Modern Rock guru wanted - Minus. Knowledge of all Tunings - Minus. more than one guit a plus = Equals. Lead & rythymn
we are solid Vox & drummer w/ space-
-this a pro product /
Ill shoot ya setlist.

  • Location: - T.C. -
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Date: 2012-02-21, 8:02PM CST
Reply to: xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@comm.craigslist.org

If you clicked this, then I want to start a band with you. Why, we've only just met! I - I need time. Do you take me for some whore who just drops to her knees and starts fellating you the minute you walk into the room with a twenty dollar bill hanging from your zipper? No, good sir, no! I'm a respectable woman! And further, I'll have you know that I'm heir to the Vanderplattz Canned Pickled Herring fortune. Yes, indeed, those Vanderplattzes! My father, Alexander Humphrey Vanderplattz, took over the company from his father, Aloysius Damian Vanderplattz, who had opened the first pickled herring cannery in North America with a small loan from his father in law, Eustace C. Talleydaggle of the Hampfordshire Talleydaggles. (It was always said that Grandpa Alo had a knack for marrying into money; why, Genevieve Tallydaggle was not his first bride at all, rather his third, and in as many years, so I've been told. If memory serves, Grandpa Alo was married six times from the ages of seventeen to thirty.) So, with that in mind, good sir, I'll expect that you keep your hands to yourself and wait for a lady's invitation before making such aggressive acts of desperation again. Why, I have a mind to -
Wait, what? Sorry.
I play guitar. Whoopity doopity. I think my playing is mostly influenced by fairly avant garde and experimental music, so that's what my style is like I guess. I'm not interested in sounding like other bands. That shit is stupid. I know, right? Who wants to cull elements from various and sundry influences to inform their sound? That shit is, indeed, stupid. This link has sound clip shits of garbage music that I have created: soundcloud.com/xxxxxxxxxxx So your music is shitty garbage? Yeah, I'm really motivated to join your band now.
After all, a woman with a social standing such as myself has rather high standards.

drums, bass, guitars, whatever. respond. thanx!!! :D :D~~~~~~

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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