16 January, 2012

Your weekly musicians' ads.

Fuck the intro.

Nu Metal Guitar Player (Twin Cities)


Date: 2012-01-15, 7:50PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Guitar player, song-writer, singer, looking for new people to play with
•Drug & alcohol free [cough]Pussy![/cough]
•Happy fun loving character, next to no shame Oh, shit. He's one of "those" guys.
•Three different sizes of pro gear Wait wait wait wait wait... Now... Wha... I mea... Just shut up, now.
•Plenty of good transportation
•Excellent meter No. I told you to shut up.
•Career minded Thank you for submitting your resumé. We'll be making our decision by the end of the week.


  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Girl fronted band seeking FEMALE BASSIST (Apple Valley, Minneapolis)


Date: 2012-01-13, 10:02AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

First of all, I promise I will not resort to the sexism jokes. Not because I know that some readers may have overlooked the irony in last week's post so much as I just don't want the inappropriate humor to get old.
We are more rock than anything but we are playing some funk, blues and pop as well. As long as you got the chops we're looking for then you'll probably be in. How do you like these chops?
OK. Sorry. That joke sucked. Moving on.

To better prepare for a practice you might want to learn Tom Sawyer No. and Spirit of the Radio No! from Rush. NO! These are our try out songs. NNNOOO!!! Then the rest will be how good you can keep up!

Send me an email if you want to try out. We have enough male bassists to try out, so only reply if you are female. OK, doesn't that just sound dickish?

We are an original band, but we do play a lot of covers as well.

  • Location: Apple Valley, Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



ANY FEMALE MUSICIANS WANT TO WRITE SOME MUSIC??? (METRO AREA)


Date: 2012-01-11, 6:21PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

HI- Hi. I'm a female Sorry. I meant, Hello there. drummer just looking for good Must... resist... urge... to insert... misogynist... joke! female musicians Phew! Made it. to write some music with! I've just got a little itch You know they make a cream for that.
What!? Sorry! It slipped out!
That's what she said.
What!?
to write again! I'm currently in a cover band and gig alot, so just looking to have a little fun You know, a little no-strings-attached thing, casual, semi-non-committal, you know... and if something comes That's what she said.
OK, that was the last one, I swear!
of it awesome! And please not over the age of 40 i guess! What? Thanks let me know a little about you I'm a Capricorn. and your interests I enjoy long walks on the beach. and i'll give you some more info on me, pics, ! facebook, videos ! etc! Thanks! I need cool girls too, down to earth, easy to get along with, good attitude!

  • Location: METRO AREA
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Wanted: Guitarist (Twin Cities)


Date: 2012-01-11, 10:14AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I'm the manager of a female front Pop/Rock Band, Looking for a committed GUITARIST to try out and eventually if all works out, be a part of the band. The band is going to tour this coming late February/March. Wow. Sure is a good thing then, considering that you basically have a month before the tour starts, that the only member you need to find and teach all the songs to is this one guitarist and that all the instrumental slots in this band are completely filled by committed and practiced musicians.
Bands we like are Paramore, Hey Monday, We The Kings, We Are The In Crowd, The Sounds, The Strokes, Etc... tons of bands out there that are great you just can't name them all.

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



ORIG Touring Band LF Drums (We Built This City On Rock And Roll ;))

Why, this must be a completely different band!

Date: 2012-01-11, 10:11AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I'm the manager of a female front Pop/Rock Band, Oh. Looking for a committed DRUMMER to session and eventually if all works out, be a part of the band. The band is going to tour this coming February/March. I don't want to completely poo-poo your dreams so I'll just say that you may want to look up the word "postpone".
Bands we like are Paramore, Hey Monday, We The Kings, We Are The In Crowd, The Sounds, The Strokes, Etc... Too many bands to name but tons of bands out there that are great.

  • Location: We Built This City On Rock And Roll ;)
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Industrial Metal anyone? (Burnsville)

Sure, let me just set the Wayback Machine to 1995.

Date: 2012-01-10, 11:03AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I am a rhythm guitarist and vocalist and if anyone either knows how to program a drumbeat [raises hand] and has their equipment I'm typing this very blog post on it. or wants to actually drum with a drumset. OK, everybody reread that sentence, ignoring my commentary, and see if it makes any sense in the end.
I am hoping for just being a just a twopiece at first Ooohhh, [sharp inhale through teeth], would it be juvenile and tasteless to make a stuttering joke? Yeah? OK, then... Duh! A just a just a just a just a twopiece. Duh! but I don't mind if we find a different singer or guitarist after that (sick of dealing with bassists), What? You mean, as in all bassists? Th'fuck? but I am really just looking for somebody who can drum or drumprogram. I retract my raised hand to illustrate that I do not care for your tone.
Influences are; NIN, It's sad when a band peaks with their second record. Ministry, It's sad when a band's front man steals his look from La Sexorcisto and Astro-Creep 2000 era Rob Zombie. Dope, It's sad when a band is Dope. Econoline Crush, It's sad when your band name makes me think more of the accident that killed D. Boon. Marilyn Manson, Him, I still like alright and I can't tell you why. Static X, It's sad when your hair is more memorable than your band. Waste Incorporated, It's sad when your band keeps getting listed as an influence in Craigslist ads and I still don't want to check you out. 2wo, It's sad when a band thinks that that's a clever name. and a little Rammstien. Always made me laugh. With them, not at them.
Contact me if interested.

Below is some artwork I created including a name idea.

  • Location: Burnsville
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
image 0
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Punk mandolinist/Violinist (Twin Cities)


Date: 2012-01-10, 8:49AM CST
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com

Howdy! 't's up? Hey I'm bored! Isn't this how the "casual encounters" ads begin? I work 3 overnights a week then basically have 4 days off. Im 23. Celtic punker. (no i'm not irish i just love the music) OK, junior, you're already on my bad side. That bad side being my half-Irish side and my half-Irish side is telling you to shut the fuck up, sit down, and don't call yourself Celtic-anything again, you get me, boo? It's nice that you like music associated with my people but you aint no Celt. So chill out and let's never use that word again. I've been playing guitar for 7 years. Mandolin for 4. And violin for about 6 months. I can generally catch on with the fiddle. I just wanna join a punk or faster band. OK, really, guy, I'm starting to run out of bad sides because now you're on my punk side and I have to inform you that punk is a genre, not a tempo. Not a drop d crust punk or hardcore band... Never Again.. lol OMG! How the fuck old are you again? Just not my style. So if your a punk band or any band really looking for a good fill in. Look me up! You can email me or contact me via facebook! The world needs more folk players, why not combine em with punk? My dream is a Jewish Celtic punk band Believe it or not, that statement actually forced me to ask myself if there were, indeed, Irish Jews. but I'll settle for anything right now :) So yeah I'm easy going and bored! I drink, love pubs, I don't smoke, I still believe in God, so up yours. Why? Why did you have to do that? You know, I don't give a shit what you believe in. Go believe in whatever you want to believe in. But when you take that preemptive defensive stance about it you just come off like a twat. That's why you're still here on Craigslist and not out there making music. :P umm I'm more happy go lucky and try to be goofy.
Life Motto: I don't see the glass half empty or half full, I just wanna drink it and fill it up again. Oh, Jesus. Pougemahone! Hi! Irish half of me again! Just wanted to check in and remind you of your place. That place being not Irish.
Additionally, if you're going to attempt to swear in a different language, at least do it right. Pogue - P O G U E - mahone is two words. It's the Anglicized spelling of the Gaelic "póg mo thóin". As you're a "Celtic punker", I can only assume that you learned this phrase from the seminal Irish rock band the Pogues, in which case, you should know how to spell it correctly as you have at least one of their records, right?
Further, "póg mo thóin" translates to "kiss my ass". I know this. I know that you know this. I also know why you used it: Everybody's first foreign language words are curse words. You want to be punk, you want to prove you're down with the Celts, you use the tiny bit of Gaelic you know, you should be in, right? Here's the thing, though: You just publicly told the Irish musician community to kiss your ass. How well do you really think that will work?
Imagine if I were to post an ad wherein I wanted to join a Tejano band. And then I end the ad with "¡Chinga te, pendejo!" How far do you think that would get me? Hm? Because do you know what I said? I just told the Hispanic musician community, "Fuck you, asshole!" How many people do you think are going to invite me to be in their band after that.
So, no, sir, no. Duit póg mo thóin.


www.facebook.com/xxxxxxxxxxx



  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



WE SEEK YOUR DRUMMING SKILLS.


Date: 2012-01-10, 4:34AM CST
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

Hear ye, hear ye, teenagers Taylor and Molly
Sorry, sorry. Go ahead and start over. Hear ye, hear ye, teenagers Taylor and Molly are in the market for someone who can keep a beat in their rock and roll garage type band. Please tell me that you're the parent. Taylor sings and plays Led Zeppelin solos and a whole lot of Love?
What? It's not like that, it's a Zeppelin joke. You know, "Whole Lotta Love"? He plays "a whole lot of..."? See?
other stuff, and Molly sings and plays bass and stages gummy bear gang fights. Nope. It's not the parent. Come complete our circle of love. OK, kids, you're on what's called the internet right now. Publicly calling strangers into your garage for a love circle is really not going to turn out as well as you're hoping. Influences are stuff like The White Stripes, The Runaways, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Pixies, Nirvana, the list goes on. With the exception of the White Stripes, I'd say these parents have done a fantastic job. So if you like one, many, or all of those sounds and you're a drummer looking for a band, email us immediately. We request that you already own your own drum set, but if you do not, and we think you're really cool, we might be able to work something out. Like what? How he's going to play no drums?


*No creepers please. Likelihood of that? Nil. I mean, come on. Even I think Molly sounds hot.
What!? Now I can't do pedo humor?


  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



2 comments:

  1. They just got really boring for me after a while. Everything seemed like a gimmick with them. I was really really into their first three records and Elephant, too. But Elephant started to seem just really self-congratulatory after repeated listenings and I was turned off.

    ReplyDelete

 
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