19 December, 2011

Your weekly musicians' ads.

We've got a bevy of them today, mon petit illiterati. Who knew that my theories on the relationship between weather and the North American looney toon were so accurate? We had a 41°F weekend, not a speck of snow on the ground and now these wackos are back on Craigslist with a vengeance.

I want to start a Tragically Hip tribute band! (South Metro)

What?

Date: 2011-12-19, 8:08AM CST
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

Oh my god! What!? I posted this to St. Cloud accidentally Oh. and just want to post this in the right place!

I'm a drummer who is in love with the music of The Tragically Hip. Really? Ever since I first heard them play "New Orleans is Sinking" I wanted to be that drummer. OK? I love the Blues and have played in a few local Blues bands recently. I am still looking to join a Blues band as well, but that little voice in my head Show's over! Nothing to see here. urged me to put out this ad. The only time the voices in my head stop is when I'm playing drums so this seemed like the thing to do. No, if the voices in your head stop when you play drums, the thing to do is not place a Craigslist ad for an obscure, 90s, Canadian, alternative rock band. In fact, playing drums is not the thing to do. If you hear voices in your head, you are more than likely suffering from schizophrenia and you should seek the help of a medical professional rather than people who enjoy an obscure, 90s, Canadian, alternative rock band as much as you do. My concept is possibly to start like the band itself, Oh my god, like, that's totes the first step! and begin with early songs. As opposed to starting with your later material. When the band is ready, do the next album, and so forth. Jesus Christ, you just put things in a logical progression. Good for you. Call me let me know what you think. The bastard part of me wants to call her up and pretend to be the voice in her head, over the phone.

Ask for Xxxxx Xxx's kid sister Xxxx

xxx-xxx-xxxx

  • Location: South Metro
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
image 0
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



screamo (woodbury)


Date: 2011-12-18, 12:48AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

can anyone teach me to exhale scream You mean the normal way? i can inhale but just cant seem to get the exhale. im hoping to be a frontman for a hardcore band but need to get the exhale down thanks Either you're doing, I don't know, everything in your life wrong or, best case scenario, you don't know how breathing works.

  • Location: woodbury
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Looking For Artists Not Just Musicians (St. Paul)


Date: 2011-12-17, 4:55PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

30 year old musical artist SSSooo... musician? seeks accomplices. I play guitar and sing (well) bass I to tenor II. I am looking for like aged people who want to play and throw beer bottles at unruly audience members. I got an idea: Let's start a band that doesn't instigate bar brawls with the people who paid to see us. I like to play folk punk but I am open to anything hard. That is not to say I don't enjoy a fully on folk or pop song only that if one can shave their vagina to your music I would rather not play with you. Well, guy, what can I say? I'm down with making music that women put on in the background when they shave their vaginas. [holds up glass of wine and admires it as a tiny swirl is given] I like the idea of my voice, my music, hell, my essence being in the room with them as they delicately apply a blade to one of the most sensitive areas of their body. It makes me feel special. It makes me feel... [looks off into space] appreciated. It says to me that they want me to be an integral part of that experience. It says to me... [takes sip of wine] that I'm the essential pussy-shaving-music maker.
Oh, sure, I've dabbled in ball-trimming-music but, [closes eyes, shakes head] no. No, my friend, the tantalizing allure of the hairless vulva drew me back. And here is where I stay now, making music that speaks to all women across all cultures. Music [sets wine glass down and leans forward on the table] to which they can shave their vaginas.
I am not a drunk and expect the same of you; Oh, are we going to do that joke now? OK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! no hard drugs either. I just want to get a couple of guys together and tour the US this after making a few bones here in Minnesota. Hope to hear from you.

I have been told that my original material is very good by a lot of people but honestly I hated my last record and I am having a tough time recording the one I've been mulling on for two years. I just want to put out an amazing record and have it heard.

  • Location: St. Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx



Where do musicians hang out? (Twin Cities)

Bars.

Date: 2011-12-16, 3:52PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Where do musicians hang out in large groups... Bars. there are a few bands I have seen that seem to attract quite a few musicians in the bars they play at.... See? Bars. any you know of..looking to meet musicians... Then go to the bar.

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


And the winner of our "Holy Shit, If He Weren't Cremated, He'd Be Rolling In His Grave Right Now" award goes to...

Oh well... whatever... Nevermind... NIRVANA TRIBUTE (mpls)


Date: 2011-12-15, 4:33PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Singer/guitarist with management and booking forming Nirvana tribute. OK, does everybody got that? This is a Nirvana tribute. Auditioning bass players and drummers for immediate rehearsals. Please have your own gear. Locals a plus. This is a Tribute to Nirvana, NOT a Nirvana tribute. OK, A) Bullshit. You just said it was a Nirvana tribute. B) I fail to see any fucking difference. Oh well...whatever...nevermind. Interested parties, please call Xxx @ xxx-xxx-xxxx or Xxxx @ xxx-xxx-xxxx. Serious inquiries only, no emails please. Because they're trying to keep it authentic to the 90s. You gotta fax them shits, B.

  • Location: mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Nirvana tribute needs bass and drums (mpls)


Date: 2011-12-14, 2:50AM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

oh well whatever...Nevermind A tribute to the music of Nirvana auditioning bass and drums for shows. Musicians required to have gear and transportation to practice and gigs. Booking agency and management backed. xxx xxx xxx xxxx or xxxxxxxx xxx xxx xxxx

  • Location: mpls
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I like how the picture on the left features a Born to Run era Springsteen leaning on a guy wearing a mask and the picture on the left features a guy that looks like Billy Joe from Greenday, none of these things having anything to do with Nirvana, yet the Nirvana logo is the largest thing on the flier.
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Lead Singer Wanted (Twin Cities)


Date: 2011-12-13, 4:44PM CST
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

We are a 2 piece outfit looking to complete our band with a lead singer. I guess our music can be described as rock or pop/rock. We are getting close to completing the recording of our 10 song LP in Los Angeles, OK, so not only did they go into the studio without the whole band, they went all the way to fucking Los Angeles to go into the studio without the whole band. Either that, or they're the sort of weirdos who aren't from the MSP metro but posted in MSP metro under the delusion that somebody will jump up and join their band, cross country, sight unseen and sound unheard, just on the, you know, off chance that that won't completely upset their entire life. sans the vocals. About half the songs have lyrics written already but we are looking for someone who can help with the remaining lyrics. OK, wait.
Stop.
You mean to tell me that the songs aren't even written yet?
...
...
...
So...
...
So so so so so...
...
OK...
...
Deep breath...
Deep breath. Calm down. Try to see it from their perspectAH FUCK I can't do it WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING GOING INTO A STUDIO IN L.A. WITHOUT A BAND OR SONGS!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!? YOU HAVE NO BAND. YOU HAVE NO SONGS. AND YET YOU WENT ALL THE WAY OUT TO LOS MOTHERFUCKING ANGELES TO RECORD AN ALBUM! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU NOT FORESEE THERE BEING A PROBLEM WITH THIS SCENARIO!? BANDS RECORD SONGS IN THE STUDIO! STANDS TO REASON, EVEN TO PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED THAT CONCEPT BEFORE NOW, THAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BAND AND YOU DON'T HAVE SONGS, THEN YOU DON'T GO INTO THE FUCKING STUDIO AND YOU SURE AS SHIT DON'T GO ALL THE WAY OUT TO LOS FUCKING ANGELES!
ARE YOU FUCKING BRAIN DEAD!? DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN TUMOR!? WERE YOU BORN WITH WATER ON THE BRAIN OR DO YOU SUFFER FROM A LEARNING DISABILITY THAT WOULD LIKEWISE IMPAIR YOUR JUDGMENT!? THE CHICK WHO WANTS TO START THE TRAGICALLY HIP COVER BAND, SUFFERING FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA THOUGH SHE MAY BE, WAS STILL ABLE TO PUT THESE THINGS IN A LOGICAL ORDER AND SHE WANTS TO START A TRAGICALLY HIP COVER BAND! THAT'S RIGHT: THE CHICK WHO WANTS TO START THE TRAGICALLY HIP COVER BAND HAS HER SHIT TOGETHER MORE THAN YOU!
End caps lock.
Sorry about that.
Our goal is to finish the album Not bloody likely. and really see what we can do with it. Commemorative coasters.

If you are interested please send me some information about yourself and any recordings you have. We can then send you a link with a sample of our tunes. We are looking for someone who has their s**t together I believe that would be the chick who wants to start the Tragically Hip cover band. musically so please no hacks.


What we are looking for:
Male
20 - Early 30s
Great stage presence



  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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