14 December, 2011

This is the third day in a row I've written something musically related and I'm starting to get a little concerned. (Post 2,323)

So, once upon a time, in a far away land (Howard's Club H), in a time long ago (probably somewhere in the realm of 2003-2005), a young minstrel (me) was reading the, um, scrolls or - OK fuck the fairy tale theme. One time, back when I was still living in BGOH, I was sitting at Howard's one day reading a copy of The Glass Eye. Honestly, I'm only half surprised a page exists for it. Now you can either read that or you can trust me to tell you about it and since I have nothing on the docket, I'm going to tell you about it even though it's totes not the point.
Like how I threw "totes" in there? Yeah, just trying to make sure everybody's awake.
You see, The Glass Eye was a music-centric free rag based out of Toledo that, you could tell, always aspired to be more than it was. I remember when it had a black and white paper cover for a long time, then it tried to have color glossy covers for a while, and then it went back to black and white paper. I also vaguely (perhaps falsely) recall an erratic distribution schedule; sometimes it would come out monthly, sometimes it would come out bi-monthly. (Again, I may have misremembered that.) Anyhow, things like that kind of made you wonder about the people running the mag. It seemed almost like they would get to the financial point where they could finally afford the color glossies and they would just shoot the money into them but they didn't account for the long term financial sustainability of putting a color glossy cover on a free magazine. I know they made their money from advertisers but they weren't exactly maximizing their revenue stream by not putting a newsstand price on the cover or selling subscriptions.
So, with the kind of things that one might suspect about the internal organization of The Glass Eye, one can kind of see how the following made it to print.
Pictured: Jack White's aesthetic direction.
I don't know if I still have the issue - I know I still have the one with Mark Mothersbaugh on the cover and the one with Space Ghost on the cover (Space Ghost: Coast to Coast had recently debuted) - but I recall reading a rumor in The Glass Eye that said, essentially, that Meg White didn't even play on the first White Stripes record, that Jack just sampled a bunch of drum demonstration records. It's a little baffling because, really, it's not like Meg White could've been any worse than she already was on the first handful of White Stripes records, ergo, she didn't need replacing if having a lousy drummer was part of the aesthetic direction in the first place. And it follows that if having a lousy drummer was part of the aesthetic direction in the first place than why replace her drumming with samples of professional drumming?
The author of the piece claimed that these drum sounds were from recordings of patterns played at old voodoo rituals and shit. And, no, he wasn't being overly artistic in his language, trying to convey how powerful Meg's drumming was, no. Homeboy was writing a pretty negative review.
And here's the thing: It's impossible to verify this claim.
And the bogus part is is that this was sometime before I left for Minneapolis. This was a pre-YouTube world. That's how not internetting-it the world was, back then. Websites were still being built with HTML, the standard typeface was Times New Roman, and we had only recently gotten twelve new colors in the palette that the internet could handle. Wikipedia was around but nobody gave a shit because we were still using encyclopedias.

You remember. These things.
And you know what? As time went on and the internet evolved into what it is today, I remembered that one weird claim printed in a Toledo free rag eons ago. And I began looking into it. Not so that I could verify the claim but because I wanted to check out the record Jack White sampled if he did indeed sample a record and replace Meg's drumming on that record.
And as much as I want to call bullshit on that author over at The Glass Eye, the song "Jimmy the Exploder" always made me wonder, What if that guy wasn't completely full of shit? Listen.
It's like Meg sucked, didn't suck for one song, and then went back to sucking.
Speaking of sucking, I just remembered her sex tape.
Good times.
Good times.
So, if anybody else has heard this rumor, the one about whether or not she actually performed on the first White Stripes record, let me know. Mainly because I want to know if it's a bogus claim or not and if it's not, then if she was replaced with a different drummer for the sessions or if she really was replaced with samples pulled from demonstration records. In the meantime, I'm going to watch her sex tape.
And, yeah, I know that's not really her. Not for that session, anyhow.
Get it? Because - she - fuck it, whatever.

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