25 November, 2011

It's Friday: Let's Annihilate This Week!

Somehow, this holiday season has been peppered with crazy people. I've got the guy with no teeth, the guy with the face tats, Jerri Blank, the guy who I have to wake up every morning to get him to pay his bill, an Occupier, and a handful of little Asian chickadees. Right now, the sanest person in the house is the Mexican who looks to be living solely off of pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets.
For real.
And I don't know if it's because it's the holiday and we're the cheap travel option - well, most of the time it's because we're the cheap travel option, so let me restart that: I don't know if it's because it's the holiday but I don't recall having this kind of fuckeduppitiness this time last year. I mean, last year, sure, we had that horrible horrible scoliosis'd cunt who came here, stayed for - let me add it up - forty nine nights (from 29 October until I kicked her out on 20 December) and just sat around and talked shit about the staff to anyone within ear shot, cackling away and mooching food off of any male guest with enough of an astigmatism to find her attractive. Seriously. I'm pretty sure I told you about this. About how the day I finally kicked this woman out that Janis and I watched her climb into a gab, danced a waltz, and enjoyed how - and I'm serious about this - the air felt as though all negativity was drained from it and that later on I jacked off and came so hard it hurt a little. Seriously.
This time around, though, it's not about bad vibes in the house, no. It's about the burden of having to constantly mind half of these people.
All in all, it's not a whole lot to complain about but Georgie and I agree: This week has been weird. Some asshole ate half of my cheddar. Seriously. He used eight ounces to make a quesadilla, and then ate only half of it and threw the other half in the drawer with the baking sheets. The guy I have to wake up every morning? The day he checked in, before he checked in, he called the office easily half a dozen times. At one point, he called up asking the same questions he asked the first time he called and I had to stop him and say, "We've already been over this." Jerri Blank? She gave me a ten minute schpiel about how she should be allowed to check in early because she was tired and had a business degree from the University of Minnesota and wanted to speak to my boss and blah blah blah. That's just two of mine; Georgie has had her share of loonies, too. We both had to deal with the Aryan German bird who insisted that the bathroom looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a month (it had been cleaned last week). Then she checked out three days early, early in the morning, and let Face Tat in the building.
Little German Aryan thing.
Early in the morning.
Sees a stranger outside.
A 6'4", 250lb stranger with elaborate face tats.
She just lets him in the house like it aint no thing.
That's how this week has been.
I've got nothing. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I worked a double shift, I ordered Chinese, I watched a lot of Mission Hill.

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