26 September, 2011

Your weekly musicians' ads.

This week, I would like to start off with an exemplary ad followed by an "I-smell-bullshit" one. Nothing we haven't done before.

PRO DRUMMER AVAILABLE. BEEN IN SIX BANDS, SCHOLARSHIP TO MUSIC COLLEGE (Twin Cities/St. Cloud)


Date: 2011-09-21, 3:43PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com OK, so first of all, homeboy doesn't hide behind anonymization.

I'm looking for a new band. Here is a little bit of my drumming background - Runner-up drummer for the Minnesota All-State Jazz Band 2005, drummer for two original rock bands (Vicious Aloysius and Pantown), two classic rock cover bands (Electric Allmighty and Dr. Salty), a country band (Brian Mac Band) and a Pop/Pop Rock cover band. See that? He didn't spout any bullshit, he just listed the bands he's been in, whether you've heard of them or not. So right out of the gate, this guy's credibility is pretty high. In 2005 received a $10,000 scholarship to McNally Smith College of Music when I was 18 years old (Drummer Gordy Knutsen from Steve Miller Band who is head of percussion claimed I was "the first or second best drummer" he had seen audition at the college since the 80's. A little boastful but you got to be sometimes to sell the goods. I now take lessons from Gordy and have studied under Greg Bissonette as well as the professors at McNally. I want to play with professionals and also have a good time playing. I'm looking for a band that is playing regularly (at least 4 shows a month) and is getting paid, because I do this professionally. See that? It's his fucking job. That's why when he listed his previous bands it kind of sounded like a resumé. I have top of the line professional gear (Spaun Custom Drums. Sabian and Zildjian cymbals). Thanks for taking a look and I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Contact me at xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

My DRUM VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE.COM - Search "Xxxx Xxxxxxx" or "xxxxxxxxxxx" on youtube. Be sure to visit my channel to see ALL videos. He gives you, up front, a link to where you can see for yourself how he plays.

Xxxx X.

  • Location: Twin Cities/St. Cloud
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
And if you're too lazy to go to YouTube, he provides pictures of himself and his drum kit here.
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
Now watch what this other guy does two days later, not heeding the first guy's ad. (Admittedly, that makes no sense. If you're a drummer looking for a band, you wouldn't look for the other drummer-looking-for-a-band ads, would you?)

EXP DRUMMER SEEKS SERIOUS PROJECT!


Date: 2011-09-23, 12:42PM CDT
Reply to: XxxXxxXxxxxxx@gmail.com Good start.

Hey everyone what's up!! I am 26 years old been drumming since I have been 8 have all pro gear great look and attitude! Commas! Use commas! I have a ton of experience which includes national touring, paying the Hollywood circuit, co-headlined for many major label bands You see? That's a red flag right there. How about you tell us the names of the bands you co-headlined with? and have great connections in the industry! There it is. I am looking for musicians in there early to mid 20s who have a proffesonal serious project in need of a drummer or musicians who are devoted and serious that are looking to get a solid marketable touring band together. I will be moving back to Minnesota next week from California and will be looking to get something rolling pretty quick! Some of my goals with a new group are to tour nationally and internationally as well as get all over the radio locally and nationally take a professional approach to the whole project meaning having a marketable That's the second time you've put that word to use in this ad. Are a drummer or a marketing agent? sound, look That's also the second time you've mentioned looks. Is this going to be a boy band? and working with the right people in the industry. Below is a link to check out my old band as well as my contact info.

www.myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Xxxx
X-XXX-XXX-XXXX


  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Anyone want to start a band? (Minneapolis)


Date: 2011-09-23, 4:51PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I have no idea what we'd play.. Here we go. But if you're open to throwing something together and giving it a shot I would be interested.
I just want to try and sludgily throw something together. ? I'm most interested in drumming but I've also played guitar too. I'm not really good at either but I do have good rhythm and I like to think an ear for good sounds. SSSooo... you can't play.
I have played guitar You "have played"? (poorly) Oh.
Drums (also, probably not that good) Then, man, take some lessons.

Right now all I have is a mpc 1000 and a macbook pro. Then think about going the Kraftwerk route. Not a damned thing wrong with that.
I'm thinking about picking up some drums or a electric guitar. The rat bastard part of me wants to type "don't". The concerned older brother part of me wants to type "you should do that if you really want to learn the instrument but it's too early for you to join a band". The punk part of me wants to type "do it, Doug".

I like a little bit of everything
Soul - Sam Cooke, Otis, Stax
Hiphop - Jay-Z, Beastie Boys, UGK
Indie Rock - Spoon, TV on the Radio You know? Still hate that name.
Garage Rock - King Khan and BBQ, Reigning Sound
Electronic - M83, Flying Lotus
Reggae - Toots and the Maytals, Peter Tosh
Brazilian funk/soul - Jorge Ben, Tim Maia
Highlife/Chimurenga/Afrobeat - Thomas Mapfumo, Femi Kuti

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

MAN (almost desperately) NEEDS BAND!


Date: 2011-09-24, 10:38PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hi! This man needs a band. DO I state the instruments I am seeking first or give some verbs to what I'm up to or who I night be. OK, ← that part? I have no idea what he just said. This → part? I'm going to put in bold the text that I want you to read with the narrator from the Wonder Years in mind.* I sing better than I play any instruments, having joined the youth choir at our Lutheran church in second grade when I saw that Katie Olsenowski was in the youth choir. I had a long standing and expanding crush on Katie Olsenowski. See? Completely irrelevant in the context of posting an ad to start a band but it sounds straight up like something Older Kevin Arnold* would say. But, I have accumulated electric, acoustic, and classical guitars, fretted bass, keyboards, drum kit. all of which I play, guitar the most comfortably. Hope to start cello lessons this week. They're instruments, not Pokémon; you don't have to catch 'em all. Play mostly originals as when I started I was too dumb too figure out other people's songs. As my proficiency has increased, however, I have come to relish playing songs I have long enjoyed. Listen to a lot of the Clash, Johnny Cash, Tom Waits, Iggy Pop, some shameless techno dance stuff the name of the precise genre of which I could not claim to know, all the wave of SKA that brought The Specials, Madness, Bad Manners The English Beat, The Selector et al. across the pond whatever number of SKA wave it was, Tony Bennett, Big Band, Opera, Youth Brigade, Jackson 5, Miles Davis, Vince Guaraldi, Duke Ellington, Willie Nelson, Fugazi though I wouldn't say my music sounds like any of the previously listed artists. Usually, it's just me and an acoustic guitar when I have a show. But now I need a band about as follows: Drummer/Percussionist. I like little jazz and cocktail kits, hand drums, cajones, so I guess a multi-percussionist would be most efficient. You don't guess, you know. Bass: Upright would be first choice. Not adverse to considering an oboe or bassoon to play bass lines. Strings: violin, viola, cello. Horns: Trumpet, please. Piano and/or multi-keyboardist. And then, maybe we add a D.J. Why? You already have seven members not including yourself. Why add another person to the band who, come on, we're all thinking it, would be the "record player"? and say we play, "Techno Folk." Actually, why does this set up make me think of Cake? Because Cake, you know, they... I don't know. For some reason what he described sounds like Cake. Caveat: It would be best if everyone were at least willing to play another instrument in addition to that most prominently played and sing, as well. None of these is loud, fast, rules, Do you mean "hard and fast rules"? Don't be cutesy. and I am open to ideas for interesting combinations of sounds and to hearing any of your work, especially original. You can be any age, but be comfortable with preschoolers to grandparents, and playing for a person in hospice, which at some point you would be called upon to do. You're saying you're going to drag Gogol Bordello here into an assisted living home? Be of relative good humor with little or no Drama, serious about your music even if you are not so far advanced as you wish to one day be. Use whatever food, drinks, mood altering chemicals suit you as long as you are not self-destructive or incapable of practicing or performing. It is also fine if you are sober and in a 12 Step program, do pilates, are asexual, teach hot yoga, fly fish, deep fry french fries. eat too much sushi, have poor fashion sense etc. In other words, be yourself, come as you are as long as you find joy in playing music. I have: a basic bands worth of instruments, a P.A. system, studio monitors, recording equipment with factory matched condenser mics. I do not have gigs lined up or a recording contract pending, Look at that! Honesty! though I do have a number of original songs that will force their way into your melon and perhaps cause you to dislike me for several days as they will not exit. And as I have not yet been blessed with a wife or a child or a Real career, should commercial success befall us, I am happy to tour, a fan of all forms of travel, especially planes, and one who takes odd delight in staying in hotels in random cities. Thanks for reading this post. Please contact me if you are interested in talking or, better, in playing. I'm about to not anonymize him because it's totally a pseudonym. That and I want you to watch something in a minute. Oh, and call me Strummer. Peace, Love, and Music!!


Stummer He misspelled his own name four words after he first typed it correctly.

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
Our next entrants, earlier last week, posted a decently composed and level-headed ad that I glanced over and thought was bland and not really offensive. I guess they wanted to get my attention because they posted this one at ten to two this morning.

Seeking a Swingin' Crazy Drummer for Psycho Rockabilly Boogie Band


Date: 2011-09-26, 1:49AM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Hey Drummers! Question time! Are you sick of riffing the same generic rock beats over and over again but not ready for insane prog-rock blathering? Generic beats over and over again!? You mean like rockabilly? Are you trained in jazz / big-band yet want to rock those swing beats like nobody's business? Does your 'pocket' have enough holes in it to really let loose? Are you looking for an honest -- and truly original! Original? You mean like not rockabilly? -- rock band instead of the usual pretentious trappings? Can you imagine a mix of sound that incorporates psychotic hard rock and old-school boogie-woogie jump blues? Don't kid yourself. It's rockabilly. Do you like your music with energy, guts and gusto, with an equally matching stage-show? I also like it to not be a derivative repeat of an era six decades ago.

We don't do covers. We don't play indie-rock or metal. We don't sing 'fuck you!' songs nor do we pontificate polemics. "Polemics". Are you sure you're using that word right? We don't make shit-tons of money; we do this for shits and giggles mostly. Our singer's ugly, insanely charismatic and engaging as hell and our guitarist -- while sometimes in the clouds (and all the great ones ARE!) -- riffs those rockabilly On the nose. rhythms and licks those boogie leads like the devil he is. But our poor, bedeviled bass playing beauty just YEARNS for an equally rock-steady drummer to help her build and maintain the tightest, 'with it' rhythm section in the Twin Cities. Dude, it's not hard. Watch: Boom-cha-boom-cha-boom-cha-boom-cha. There. I'm a rockabilly drummer. I'm hired.

We've been slogging our way through the dive bars just over a year now, quietly fomenting a revolution in rock and roll A "revolution in rock and roll"? Are you shitting me? How is playing the same sixty year old song over and over again a revolutionary tactic? and slowly building up an undisputed reputation for our sound, style and show. We can say this with absolute certainty, because not ONCE has anybody been able to tell us that we sound like _______(insert name here). You know, that can be a bad thing, too. But many have said they love our stuff regardless of what we call our sound. We wants it too, but we cannot continue until we can get us a new drummer.

Are YOU that drummer? No. I have a sense of self-respect.

To learn more, please go to http://www.XxxxxxXxxxxxxxxx.com/join-the-band/ Yes, I disabled the link. or call xxxxx at xxx.xxx.xxxx -- and lets rock and roll in Psycho-Boogie Style!


  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
Guess who's back!

Man Still Needs Band--Abbreviated Post (Minneapolis and near West)


Date: 2011-09-26, 2:54AM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

A kind Soul said, "Less Verbage, Please!" For the record, it wasn't me. So, STRUMMER CASH wants to hear from: Drummer/Multi-percussionist who plays jazz or cocktail kits, cajones, congas. Stand up bass. Violin (Fiddle?), Viola, or Cello, any one of these or all welcome. Trumpet, French horn, maybe, okay sax or clarinet, some horn player, please. Piano/Keyboardist. A really good guitar player, as I accept I may never be more than an acoustic rhythm side man. A D.J. so we can call this TECHNO--FOLK. OK, 1) I'm still against the DJ idea. 2) I still think techno-folk aint kickin' it. And 3) I've noticed you've gone from a neuftet** to an octet. I sing. Mostly originals in a genre difficult to define. Covers that are obscure: Scottish traditionals, Tony Bennett crooners, '80s New Wave songs without synths, 80s new wave without synths? That would be obscure. slowed down, disguised and made melancholy. No pending record deal, no gigs lined up not even in somebody's basement. Honest... But, with the right combination of players that will happen soon, I'm sure. ... but still optimistic. You be any age, race, gender, size and shape that you care to be. For some reason, "Be strong, be proud, be able, be charmed" just popped into my head. If you have original music, all the better, especially if you are shy about singing or sharing it. Be mostly stable, of good humor, and able to amuse yourself. Be ready to play another instrument sometimes. Be able to play at baby christenings and for the terminally ill, near death, in hospice. You really want to haul a goddamned enneatet into a nursing home? No, man. Time to step back and think that part through. I have P.A. gear, most standard rock band instruments, recording equipment but not a lot of studio production know how, so if you have that, bring it. Having been a musical hermit, I have no music online, sorry. Had a few great responses to previous post and look forward to a few more, por favor, from this one. Come on, Mom, we're getting the band back together! You know, there's something about this big bag of crazy's style I almost want to join his little island of misfit toys.

  • Location: Minneapolis and near West
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

* That was Daniel Stern, by the way.
** Yes. I did just want to use the word neuftet to reference A Mighty WInd. The actual word would be enneatet.

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