06 September, 2011

When it came to the question of "Ginger or Mary Ann", one of my friends answered, "Tell you what. Why don't you let me try them both and I'll get back to you."

Remember that time on Gilligan's Island when there was that band, the Mosquitoes, that showed up for like no reason? They weren't even a real band* making a guest appearance to push their new record or anything, they were just a poorly actualized parody of Beatlemania. According to the IMDb entry for that episode (season 2, episode 12, "Don't Bug the Mosquitoes"), the band was looking to retreat to the island for peace and quiet. This begs the questions:
  • If this island is so uncharted, how do people keep finding it? Rock bands, mad scientists, rich socialites, Russian spies and cosmonauts... You know how many people found that island?
  • Which means that the island can't be too far off of air and nautical commercial shipping and travel lines, not too mention the air space regularly patrolled by the US Navy and Air Force.
  • And even if this island really is so secluded in the North Pacific that no cartographer has ever mapped it† and no country has ever claimed it, how shitty is it, really, of all these people who made it to the island (for funsies) to always find the douchiest excuses ever for not helping the castaways off the island?
Now, the episode guide over at IMDb describes it a bit differently from what I remember it, which is that the castaways formed the Honey Bees with the hopes that the Mosquitoes would think they were a good enough band to take back to the mainland.** How fucked up is that? The Mosquitoes had to be convinced that a group of castaways can start a good enough band to be worthy of rescuing? Is everybody from the mainland just a total shit when it comes to helping their fellow man?
Anyway, enjoy the song (and the appearance of a Fender Jazz Bass) for what it is: Fluff. Please be aware that there's another copy of this on YouTube that features Jim Backus's full Ed Sullivan impression before the song, unfortunately, the uploader disabled embedding. There's also a parody of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" using this footage if you're not sick of that song and this dance number yet. Finally, if you want to see what made the Mosquitoes such hot shit, you can click this link.

* The episode guide over at the infallible bastion of knowledge that is Wikipedia notes that the band is played by Les Brown Jr. & the Wellingtons.
** OK, so it was Hawaii, not the mainland. But compared to the isle, Hawaii was practically a continent.

† ADDENDUM, 8 September, 2011: In season one, episode eighteen, "X Marks the Spot", the opening scene involves the fucking Pentagon picking the island out on a map†† and later a radio news correspondent reads the island's approximate coordinates - 10°N, 140°W - over the air.
†† In fact, General Bryan tells Major Adams, regarding testing out a new warhead for Project Powder Keg, "We've found the perfect place; no habitation, no people." What kind of bullshit is this? When was the last time the military scouted that area?††† Do they have any idea how many gangsters, cosmonauts, mad scientists, and rock bands visit that island per annum? If they're testing out a warhead, don't they have to thoroughly scout the area, evacuate anyone in side blast range of the target area, and then close the area off to incoming nautical traffic? This show should've ended after eighteen episodes.
††† My bad. The military actually does scout the island later in the episode. Of course, however, Gilligan finds a way to bungle the rescue.

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