29 September, 2011

He's going to be pissed when those batteries die.

Since I'm pulling another double shift, I'm stuck in the office, drinking a Diet Coke a guest left behind and plowing through the third and final season of Gilligan's Island when I get to episode twenty. This one's about some royal douche tackle that shows up on the island and starts pretending to be Tarzan to prepare for a role as Tongo or whatever and, naturally, he just fucks up everybody's Christmas. So the Castaways trap his dumb ass and walk away, leaving him to reveal to the audience that, nope: Not a monkey-man. Just a gigantic asshole who runs around and knocks people over and kidnaps Ginger for, like, five minutes. Seriously, you never wanted to cold cock a fictional character so hard in your life.
Anyhow, he reveals to us his civilized nature by busting out a little beauty of a mini reel-to-reel and recording some sort of journal entry in a note-to-self fashion. Particularly dumb-assed is his assessment that he can't be sure but he thinks the redhead might be Ginger Grant, the actress who went missing at sea. No shit, dog? You only kidnapped her, held her captive, and learned her name. Who else could it be? How many redheaded actresses named Ginger lost at sea could there be?
Somebody hit this guy over the head with a bamboo rod. I want that tape machine.

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