22 September, 2011

I had nothing, then I tried, and then I thought I had an idea, and in the end I wrote about enemas.

I just found out this morning that Tura Satana died back in February, on the fourth. Nobody told me about this shit. There was no story on NPR that morning. What was I doing that morning? Oh, yeah, I was bitching about my job again.
Anyhoo, Satana was best known for her role as Varla in Russ Meyers' 1965 exploitation flick, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Now, I know that Varla is also the name of a punk-rock pinup magazine, so that sends me to the Googles and in I types "Varla" and one of the results is "Women's viagra" and the url is varlaonline.com and I think to myself, there's a female viagra (Which I don't even know how that's supposed to work. Does it just enhance sensitivity - the more realistic likelihood - or does it make the clitoris go erect for a couple hours - the sillier but not completely impossible outcome?) and they named it Varla?
Well, because it's named Varla and because I now have to know how lady viagra works, I click the link and I'm taken to the site for one Varla Jean Merman. Now I'm kind of all what? and the site is all like "yeah" and I'm all but I thought I... and the site was all "click the back-button on your browser" and I did and I was at Google again and I clicked the lady boner pill link again and I'm back at the Varla Jean Merman site and I'm all what? and the site is all like "I know, right?" and I'm all OK, I guess I'll just roll with it.
I notice Varla's in The Book of Mormon according to the banner ad at the top and I think, She looks pretty hot. I click on the photos and think, Yeah. I would. After that I click on "Who is Varla?" and find out she's a he. OK, sssooo... I have some questions. Mainly for myself. But we can get to those some other time. The important part is that the homepage for Varla's site hosts a YouTube video of her singing a song about the product her sponsor (Fleet Naturals) makes: Enemas.
I watched the song and I thought, You know? Any other company would probably yank sponsorship after seeing that. This company? They have a sense of humor. They realize that, at the end of the day, their product is used to clean poop out of butts. There's nothing too terribly serious or sensitive about that. They make a product so you can put soapy water up your butt, hold it in for a few minutes, and then let fly. These things have been the butt* of jokes for eons already. Why go about it like it's no laughing matter? It's poop-butt cleaner. And I endorse it.

* Get it?

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