20 September, 2011

Funny how inflation works, isn't it?

Just a heads up: This post has no musically related content.
If you're my age, chances are probably pretty good that if you were into comic books, chances were again pretty good that your introduction to Wolverine was during the "brown suit" era, from X-Men #139 in 1980 until 1991 (that's coming straight from Marvel). So, from before I was born until I was ten, Wolverine wore the brown suit. That's just how it was. That was how the world worked. As sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets at night, as sure as the moon pushes and pulls the tide, as sure as Dads mow lawns on Saturdays, Wolverine wore the brown suit.
When they put him in the blue and gold suit, my reaction, at ten or whenever, was "Huh, they put him in a different - Well, that's, uh - That looks kind of gay."
DISCLAIMER TIME!
Sound Design and Assembly, its associates and affiliates, do not condone the use of homophobic slurs. The above use of the word "gay" should not be taken as an epithet, rather, it should be read with its literal meaning: That Wolverine's blue and gold outfit struck a child somewhere in the age range of ten to twelve as being inherently homosexual in appearance. After all, remember another superteam that sported the blue and gold color combo?
ANYhoo, that brings us to the photo to the right. You know what that fucking thing is? That, mon petit illiterati, is my white whale: The brown suit era Wolverine action figure featuring (and check the fuck out of this shit out) retractable claws, detachable mask, and a fucking samurai sword. This is the action figure that says "fuck you" to all other action figures.

There are, however, exceptions to every rule.*
I saw that thing in JC's Comic Stop in Toledo, Ohio somewhere in the realm of twelve to thirteen, when I was very much into collecting all the X-Men shit I could get my hands on. For example: You know the 30th anniversary series? With the hologram covers? I had still have them. All of them. So, for the life of me, I can't remember why I didn't buy that damned action figure back then. I mean, are you looking at it? Look at it. Why didn't I buy that beautiful fucker?
And so now, as I go to Google shopping, I see there's a Weapon X era Wolvie going for four beans, a blue and gold era Wolvie for six... Brown suit, not in box, mask included, sword not pictured (not a good sign) for US$7.95... Ah! Brand new, in box, brown suit, first edition run from the Toy Biz line, retractable claws, detachable mask, the fucking samurai sword and it's... US$17!? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. It's a four and a half inch action figure! It was like, what? Five bucks when I was, what? Twelve.
Twelve. You know. Eighteen damnable years ago.
OK, well, I have bills to pay. I'm not exactly in a position where I can justify shilling out seventeen beans on an action figure. I can always admire it from afar, however. I can do that. I just can't buy it. And so, the brown suit era Wolverine action figure with the retractable claws, detachable mask, and the fucking samurai sword earns a place on my "Things I Am Not Allowed to Own List", which is actually fairly good company. Wolvie might know some of the other items on there, like the Rogue and Mystique figurines. Though they earned a place on the list for entirely unrelated reasons.
Possible captions include:
  1. The author is not ashamed to admit that, if these were anywhere in his house, he would not stop touching himself.**
  2. As noted, I already have bills to pay. I do not want a monthly lotion and tissue bill.
  3. I enjoy having company over. Ownership of these figurines automatically precludes that any potential visitors be female.
You pick.
But, if anybody gets a line on a brand new, in the box, brown suit era Wolverine action figure with retractable claws, detachable mask, and the fucking samurai sword that doesn't carry a double digit price tag, let me know.
Speaking of getting a line on things, if anybody gets one on a copy of 1979's Gamines en Chaleur with an English dub - long shot, I know - get a hold of me.

* Those Evil Dead II Ash action figures were announced and previewed only last month and haven't hit shelves yet. I swear to damn and back that I'm buying the set. In the meantime, I'll just have to keep an eye on the manufacturer's site.
** You'd kind of have to touch yourself with Rogue anyway. You know, because her mutant power and... I've already said too much.

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