29 August, 2011

Your Weekly Musicians' Ads

Will drum for food! (St. Paul)

Date: 2011-08-25, 1:46PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Ok, not literally, I didn't think so, primarily by virtue of this ad being on the internet and not, you know, a piece of cardboard. But your callous mockery of the impoverished and disenfranchised to further your own agenda notwithstanding... but I am looking for a working band. Something to bring home the bread. Willing to play up to 8 shows per month with pay. Can play most styles. Can sing lead and/or back-ups while drumming. Can play some guitar and keys. Will dance, tell bad jokes and get along with you on long road trips, as long as you're not a total douche bag. I can be a little douchey, yeah.

Covers or originals are dope. No. You have to pick one. Because you know what you just said? That all music is "dope". You see, there are originals and there are covers of originals. It's a binary spectrum; you either play your music or you play someone else's.

Please.... PLEASE... no start ups. Unless you can start paying yesterday. You're really into this whole "money thing", aren't you?

Peace, Love and DRUMS!

p.s. I'm a chick. And I DO play in a skirt... :) Don't. Don't do that. Because when you do that, you give me license to discount everything you say, regardless of whether your talent can back it up. Because, I don't know if you've noticed this, but we live in what is called a patriarchal society that objectifies women and devalues their sexuality.
Now I get that maybe you think the idea of showcasing your gender may give you an edge... after all, you're saying you wear a skirt when you play an instrument that requires you to spread your legs. And maybe while you have a natural preference for skirts over pants, pointing it out only fetishizes it and now people won't care how bad-ass of a drummer you are but will want to get a free crotch shot.
Imagine a female painter. One day she might feel that her work is not getting the attention it deserves and so she develops the gimmick of painting in the nude, maybe making a public performance out of it. The irony with that is that she is allowing her body to be objectified for the sake of gaining attention for her art but her art is still just as ignored as when she painted with her clothes on; it's her naked body that's gained all the attention.
Or maybe I'm over thinking it. I have a penis. That already makes me kind of a shitty feminist.
By the way, what time is practice?

  • Location: St. Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

I don't even have to do anything to this one.

Childrens DJ!!!! (Golden Valley)

Date: 2011-08-26, 4:01PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I am looking for a DJ on October 29th . 3-6pm.
PLease email me if you would be interested in Entertaining a few kids .

Location will be in Golden Valley.
NO Pedifiles please!!
Need a price with the inital email PLEASE!!

  • Location: Golden Valley
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

And the winner of our "Most Straight Forward Ad of All Time" Award goes to...

need guitar (Bloomington)

Date: 2011-08-28, 10:19AM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

need guitar

  • Location: Bloomington
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Electric Rock Guitarist #2 (Bloomington)

Date: 2011-08-26, 5:14PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Recently I placed an ad looking for a guitar player interested in a short term rehearsal/performance situation. OK.

There were several responses, which is about all I expected based on the wording of the ad; and I did in fact meet with players. You know you didn't need a double line break there. Just a -

I am still looking for a guitarist interested in checking out more what I'm about based on my words here. - a comma. Like right there. You didn't need a double line break. Completely superfluous.

If anyone took offense at my initial ad, I meant none. I'm not from these parts and only recently started seriously focusing on music again. I have not been part of the Minneapolis scene at all and I don't have a network of long time connections.

Generally I am direct and to the point and I prefer to deal with others who are similar in their communication and conduct.

Rather than repeat the ad verbatim, I'll try and put what I'm looking for in a guitar player another way. Commas. Commas. Learn them. Know them. Live them.

For the tones I hear you should have at least one of these three guitars in your collection: LesPaul, Strat or Telecaster. Watch what he does here: I don't play guitar at all, Say that again. I don't play guitar at all, but I know what equipment makes the sounds I like to hear. Keep that in mind: He knows what equipment makes the sounds he likes to hear...

... as he proceeds to tell us...
Amps can be all over the board, so I won't attempt to narrow or limit it. Look, you can't specify a guitar and not an amp. Primarily because you're not a musician yourself but also because - and this is where I get to be all Mr. Actual Fucking Guitarist up in this bitch - the amp is just as important as the guitar. Both Angus Young and Tony Iommi play SGs, but Angus plays through Marshalls and Tony plays through Laneys. Do they sound alike? If you have the guitars mentioned you probably also have an amp to crank.

I want to play one gig, and I don't even want to call it a gig. You pretentious nitwit. Call it a performance Fuck. at a private party Urgh. held in a public venue; God, are you trying to impress a woman? Is that what this is? One of those creepy public marriage proposals? to take place late in October.

The songlist is set, rehearsals would start by late September.

It will require 4-5 rehearsals to have 18 - 20 songs tight. My, you're quite the optomist. All songs but a few originals will be by Aerosmith, Queen or Led Zeppelin. OK, A) yes, they would all be songs and B) when you play other bands' originals, I'm pretty sure you're obliged to call them covers. Or is English not your first language?

My original ad stated this was not a paying gig. Good to be up front about it. I might be willing to bend on that, however I will say that if anyone responds and the first question asked is, "How much does it pay?" we are probably not a fit. So, lady drummers with penchants for performing in skirts are out. I would rather have someone involved because they want to stretch. By playing hackneyed classic rock covers you hear on the FM dial ad nauseum? We are not doing cover versions of these groups. OK, I give up. You have just gotten in my brain and mind-fucked me. My voice is original Confidence! and my original music rocks like these groups do. OOOhhh... now I get it! You're just cheekily trying to avoid saying that you ripped those bands off! Got it. These singers were my influences way back when and it will be very interesting to capture some updated takes on deep cut classic tracks. Maybe your fingers first bled It was the summer of '69. on the fretboard learning these guitarists' riffs and licks and you have some time to put toward what what What what? would at least be a very good time along the way to making it happen.

This event/happening/serenade will be documented in various media for future marketing purposes.

I'd point you to my website, but it's a super secret surprise. OK, can we please have a new rule regarding - Not really. I honestly don't have one set up yet because I don't yet have anything to put on it. Oh. You were making a joke. After this nite happens, I will.

Please respond with your phone number and a good time to contact you. We will chat first and then meet in person.

  • Location: Bloomington
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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