12 August, 2011

I have no idea why I'm having trouble processing this.

OK OK OK, on the one hand, imagine being able to brag to your friends about living on fucking Alcatraz. Imagine how bad-assed you'd look at work when you hand out invitations to your house warming party or your barbecue and all them cubicle bitches be all, "Where's your place?" and you be all, "Sheeeit, I live on Alcatraz, baby." Think of how nice it would be to have "living on Alcatraz" money (because you know the land developer there aint selling these apartments for cheap). Think about how cool it would be to not have a street address. All your mail goes to [Your Name], Alcatraz Island, Apt [Whatever], SF, CA, [Zipcode]. Imagine all of that.
Now, consider this: Do you see a business district outside of the prison tours? No. So where are you working? On the mainland. Means you need to wake up every morning in time to catch the ferry. Means you need to rush through SF rush hour traffic after work every day to catch the ferry. You need to go grocery shopping? Ferry. You need to go to the post office? Ferry. You want to go to the movies? Ferry. Oh, shit! You just realized as soon as you got in the door that you forgot to pick up cigarettes! You see a bodega on that island? No. Have to wait for the ferry again. The same ferry that you were so stressed about catching that you forgot to get smokes. Just like that time you forgot to pick up milk. And the other time you forgot to pick up smokes. And the time you forgot to pick up an onion. And then there's the times you'll run out of things. OJ, soda pop, cumin, paprika, beer. Beer. You want to make a beer run? You gotta wait for the ferry.
I still think you'd pull some mad talent with an apartment on Alcatraz, though.

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