18 July, 2011

Your Weekly Musicians' Ads


Soul Band wants to play your basement (South Minneapolis)

Date: 2011-07-16, 7:44PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

We are an 8 piece (!) Their exclamation point, not mine. soul band called XX and the Xxxxxx Xxxxxxx. We want to get sweaty in your basement. Me? I live in a 1909 mansion. I can fit an eight-piece soul band down there. The average person's house, however... We're looking for house shows in the msp area. We play catchy pop and soul originals and can throw in some covers if you're feeling left out. Me? You mean you'd play some KRAKOA songs? Let's talk. OK. We play cheap or free. You tell friends. Friends have fun. We have fun. That's the correct attitude to have. This band is on my good side.


old shit. still good.

  • Location: South Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
Speaking of having a hard time fitting large things in tight spaces...

bus parking (minneapolis)

Date: 2011-07-15, 9:30PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

I am purchasing a used school bus to be used as a tour vehicle. Right. I need a place to park it in or around Minneapolis. Wait. Any vacant lot or driveway will work. Full-size bus around 30' long and 7.5' wide. I would be willing to rent parking or barter, party bus? regional touring? If you or anyone you know might be able to accomodate my needs, let me know. You mean to tell me that the fact that you personally have nowhere to park a fucking school bus did not at all figure into your decision to buy a fucking school bus.

  • Location: minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Musicians DO NOT respond to this ad! (Mpls./St. Paul)

Date: 2011-07-15, 3:47PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Yep, you heard me, don't respond! Are you trying to psychologically reverse me? I know you will probably save us both a world of pain by just skipping on to the next disposable ad. Oh, I have a feeling that I'm in for a world of pain whether I skip this ad or not. WHY? Because I know you will probably be dissappointed to discover the following: Lay it on me, maestro.
1.)I'm a dude who wants to start up a band My, what a special and unique snowflake you are. and(gasp!)seriously wants to gig more than once per month...and I don't mean in yr. garage. I didn't, uh, didn't think that - that you meant my garage but, uh, OK.
2.) I'm an older dude...lets say in his 50s.But I'm in good shape and at least I don't have gray hair. Do you like to kick, too?
3.)You will be required to say no to your girl/boy friend who wants to go out some sat. night that you happen to be scheduled for rehearsing/gigging. Damn! Yeah, guy, I don't know who you've dated but the women I've dated generally come to the shows. Also? Who schedules practice on a Saturday night? Maybe Saturday afternoon but Saturday night? Don't be silly.
4.)You better sit down for this next one... Well, I am at the desk. You need to (gasp, again!)practice the song sets with the band once or twice per week and have the songs learned before rehearsals. That sounds totally reasonable. Who've you been playing with? Wow Dude, Wow! That's like asking too much! and finally....
5.) You will not be playing country, OK. rap, OK. hip hop, OK. metal Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on there, chief. or hard rock. It will be primarily covers Oh, SHIT! Fuck, man, I should have smelled it in the opening sentence: A goddamned cover band. Fuck you, guy. Nobody has any reason to take anything you say seriously. (some originals), alt. rock/pop/mostly music 6 yrs. old or newer. Oh, man what a downer. Yeah, it's a downer having some burnt out know it all primadonna talk shit for five bullet points only to find out that the extent of his creative output is mimicking the more successful output of others for the sole purpose of making a few hundred bucks and drink tickets. I realize this is all probably too much of a shock for you... No, it actually happens all the time. believe me I know.
So...Don't respond already! I won't. I mean, after all, you've pulled down enough cash for all that equipment you own. And you are perfectly cool with letting it sit in the corner collecting dust aren't you? Maybe you play it once in a while, Daily. that's good enough for you right? Well, that and knowing that every last artistic expression I make is mine and mine alone and not a second rate knock-off of an already existing musical arrangement, so I have that, too. So go on. Next ad. No more drama. Have a nice day. You sound like a fucking crybaby.

  • Location: Mpls./St. Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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