27 June, 2011

Your Weekly Musicians' Ads

Where last week's batch felt lackluster, this week's batch is chock full to the gills with clown shoes lunacy when it's not just out and out narcissistic mindfuckery.

BAND wanted...NO COVER!!! (Cities)


Date: 2011-06-26, 6:46PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxx@yahoo.com If it pleases the court, may I introduce Exhibit A?

My name is Xxxx, I have studied guitar professionally for 3 years now, and have taught guitar...and I am living in the cities now...I want to start a band (NO COVERS) all original shit i dont wanna copy someone else works noone likes a copy cat...I wanna start a band were we would play at least 1 time per week for money in the cities area. I am open to all genres execept for death metal no one wants to hear that shitty shit!!! TEXT xxx-xxx-xxxx if u are interested in forming a band with me. Also everyone has to be fully commited to the band and everyone will contribute to lyrics and ect..".no wanna be STING'S in our band were they want all the fame for themselves'" even though i love STINGS music hehe haha. Anyways if you want to make music as a career like me just text me and lets make some money and find hotties! peace.

  • Location: Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx
See? I didn't even have to do anything to that one.

Lets make a sound (Minneapolis)


Date: 2011-06-25, 3:35AM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxx@gmail.com

I am a vocal and well musically versed individual. And apparently taking English as a second language. Looking for a good well knit set of individuals to TRY and make music. Bring your own skill set and lets jam out!, Minneapolis is a host of several great talents, I feel music is a catalyst to self improvement and growth. Are you a fucking hippie? I know no more nor no less than you do? How zen of you. Lets intertwine minds.. Or how about we just start a band like normal people do? Mo-/singer/writer/rapper lets get up and see what happens! I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

  • Location: Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Guitarist looking for Talented Musicians (Anoka)


Date: 2011-06-24, 8:09PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com Fucking Yahoo! users, man.

I am a guitarist and a composer (f*** cover bands) Yeah! with theory under my belt (time signatures, jazz theory, chord theory, a lot of scales, and can read notes in all clefs) That last part sounded vaguely dirty. and I do NOT play a specific genre, I like CCR, Uh-huh. Led Zeppelin, Uh-huh. KoRn, Ah, so you're into molested-rock. Slipknot, And bullshit, too. Muddy Waters, That's some get-down music, right there. Mozart, And that's the opposite. Pat Metheny, You know? Still have never heard him. James Brown, Hot tub! and no Pop music of this and the latter decade (no good chord progressions, same melody and scale, and AUTO TUNE which ruined music, thanks Steve Jobs). Uh, Steve Jobs didn't invent Autotune. Who told you Steve Jobs invented Autotune? Why would you think Steve Jobs invented Autotune? I am 14, Oh. hate heavy distortion in some instances, Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. I seriously do not want to tell a fourteen year old kid to go fuck himself so watch your mouth, junior. and love soloing.

  • Location: Anoka
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


WHERE ARE THE HIP-HOP HEADS TO RENEW HIP-HOP? (WELL AT LEAST COMPLETE A NEW SOUND!!!)


Date: 2011-06-24, 6:57PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

WHAT UP MINNEAPOLIS, I MEAN HIP-HOP IS THE ESSENCE AND NOT THE RETURNED PLAGARIST MIMICK. My eyes are starting to hurt. IT BELONGS WITH PEOPLE WHO RESPECT THE NATURE OF IT, NOT BEING PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO BASH ETHNIC GROUPS BY HIDDING THEIR FEELINGS AND USING INBETWEEN THE LINE ASS FAKENESS, N!&&A'S KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT, YES YALL I PRODUCE, RECENTLY SING, AND OF COARSE FLOW LIKE THE MISSISSIPPI, HEY MAYBE WE CAN RECORD THE RIVER AND OR EVERY CRACK AROUND THE METRO STREETS AND MAKE A MIND CONTROLLING MOTHER FREAKING PLATINUM ALBUMBA CD MP3 WAV MIDI, REX OR WHAT EVER FILE OR BEAT. That was the longest stream of conscious sentence I've ever read. I HAVE TO REMIND PEOPLES THAT THIS TRYING TO FIT IN WITH THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHIZZLE SOMETIMES HELPS BUT IF YOU DO GOOD WORK HELP COMES WITH A FULL FLEDGE STUDIO AND GOOD PEOPLE THAT WANNA HAVE A GREAT TIME, I LOVE THIS AND WOULD LOVE TO FIND PEOPLE THAT LOVE IT BUT ARE NOT FOCUS ENTIRELY ON IT, BECAUSE TIME TICKS AND MONEY IS TO BE MADE, PLUS YOUR MOM OR WOMAN OR BROTHER AND/OR FRIEND MIGHT WANT YOU HOME FOR DINNER OR YARD WORK, I WANNA DIG MY OWN DIAMONDS!!!!! My eyes.

sorry but myspace was my dream and i am still on it myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxxxx PEACE OUT PEOPLES AND WATCH FOR THE HOOK!!!

  • Location: WELL AT LEAST COMPLETE A NEW SOUND!!!
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx


Producer from LA---Band (Uptown)


Date: 2011-06-24, 4:37PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Before we go any further, I want to point out right at the top that an ellipsis consists of three periods. Three. Tres. 3.
Three.

I'm looking for the following: Twenty somethings... Three. You have to have chops.... Four. you have to be flexible in your styles.... Four. Im looking to do something serious, and do something that hasn't been done.... "Something that hasn't been done?" Right. Hate to break it to you but it's all been done for a couple of decades now. Oh, and Four. I'm a producer/artist from LA, No you're not. and I'd like to see what kind of talent we have up here..... Only a legacy that includes the Replacements, the Cows, Hüsker Dü, the Suicide Commandos, Rifle Sport, Babes in Toyland, Atmosphere, Doom Tree, and motherfucking Prince. Thanks for playing. Oh, and Five. Pop, Funk, Jazz, Rock, and Blues are styles you should be familiar with.... Four. I'm very laid back, but I am very serious about my work.... Four. Mostly originals, just B good at what you do.. Two.

If interested please reply by email- with any links, audio, and/or video of you performing... Three.
Thank you---



  • Location: Uptown
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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