20 June, 2011

Your Weekly Musicians' Ads

Our first ad today is actually just painful to look at. It's like trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup, really. I'm not shitting you, I almost didn't try to post anything after I saw this ad; it made me so dizzy that I was sure that I was going to ralph in the trash can.

♪♫'FunkRockJazzPoP' Group seeks Bass+Guitar!♪♫ (Mpls, St. Paul)

Date: 2011-06-19, 6:27PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Established InterNational Band is auditioning Bass+Guiter players 4 Stage+Studio:
In-the-Pocket-Funk+Funk-Rock & Out-the Box NEW SCHOOL!
Please Email the Information listed below:
1. Instrument(s) You play;
2. Do You sing/back-up - (Range?)
3. Links to Your website & music / MP3's
4. Resume /Press AND Photograph(s) Am I auditioning for a movie or am I joining a band?
5. Contact Telephone #

When we receive the information as listed - You will be contacted Promptly! Thank You!
(NO Jobbers, Please. Passion is our Fashion. What? Styling & Smiling. What? Billboard, anyone? Again: What?)

  • Location: Mpls, St. Paul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

humans wanted for avant-garde/dreampop band (NE Minneapolis)

Date: 2011-06-17, 12:22PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Are you a human? Negative, I am a meat popsicle. Do you want to play music in an avant-garde pop group?

I am looking for either a drummer who doesn't mind playing quiet, jazz-style drums... OOOrrr???
or a non-drummer with a good sense of rhythm who is willing to play drums for the first time. You are aware that these two people are disastrously different in their individual skill sets, right? As in, if you want somebody who can play drums, you need just a drummer and nobody else. Really. Because you even kind of used the word yourself, "non-drummer". That seems to me like somebody who can't play at all. Because, hell, I've got a great sense of rhythm but I lack the coordination required to play drums thus I am not a drummer thus I do not play drums. Do you see what I - aw, hell with it.

Also looking for someone who has a bass guitar and a good sense of rhythm and good taste.

Let me know if you're interested and I'll send you my artist's statement. Your what? Jesus Christ, what the fuck is so hard about just starting a band anymore? Why does it have to be some big convoluted process? Why can't people just say, "Hey, let's start a band"?

  • Location: NE Minneapolis
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

Offering myself to Goth/Punk hard Metal Bands (Twin Cities)

Date: 2011-06-16, 8:07PM CDT
Reply to: comm-xxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

WM very large Weight Endurance Stunter A what what whater? is offering one of my services free to local bands.
I would be a sideshow or i prefer to be on stage and have couple hot women wearing high heels step on my stomach and trample it,Jupm/Stomp walk all over entire body. RRRiiiggghhhttt.
women from the crowd could be called up and have a trample contest or just let women to walk/trample me,most would not be wearing heels if so no big deal,I have 25 years of exp. my endurance is extreme,i can have up to 16 women on my body from head to toe at one time! I don't know what weirds me out more: That he's been doing this for twenty five years or that, at some point, he found out that seventeen women was one too many.
This could get the crowd going if im on stage,but will do sidestage as well.
I guess goth/punk bands and heavy metal bands.

  • Location: Twin Cities
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: xxxxxxxxxx

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