09 June, 2011

Frankie Muniz Steals Another One of My Dreams, Kinda.

Frankie “Malcolm in the Middle” Muniz is in a band? Really? Where the hell did that come from? I just found this out thanks to the Howard’s Club H Facebook page and I was in disbelief until I Youtubed that shit and found out that it’s definitely for real. I couldn’t believe it. This is the kid, that is just shy of two years older than I, who launched an acting career when I desperately wanted to start one for myself. Then, once his run on the show was over, while still acting in major motion pictures, mother fucker joins a band as it’s drummer. Come on! That’s the life that I wanted!

For real. If a major decision in my life was to continue my super profitable acting career or to head off and join a band, just for the fun of it, mind you, and make records? I’d have to start pounding my own phallus into a geode with the corner of a cinder block to find out if I was still dreaming or not.

Now, onto the subject of his band. Well, I have to say that they know what they are doing, and they seem to do it well. They’re decent. Its the usual radio rock, whiney, sappy, Fallout Boy has a child with Dashboard Confessional, and that child is sexually abused by Stone Sour kind of bullshit. It’s really nothing I haven’t heard before. What I really wanted to know was, does Malcolm have any chops. I watched one of the very few live videos that I could find of him playing, and he seems like he knows what the hell he’s doing. He’s got good rhythm and can keep the beat. They even have a somewhat faster song that I was surprised to hear, that was not half bad as far as the drumming was concerned. But I hold drummers at a very high standard. Funny, considering that the band I am currently in, doesn’t have a born and bred drummer, but a great guitar player that is surprisingly coordinated.

This led me to think of other actors that in the midst of their acting careers, also joined or started bands. The only one I could think of at the moment was Jason “Rushmore” Schwartzman. He was one of the founders of the band Phantom Planet. You all know Phantom Planet. They wrote the song that would become the theme to that horrible Fox show that was supposed to replace Beverly Hills 90210, The O.C. Good Gawd, what a piece of shit that show was. Actually never watched a whole episode myself, but if its anything like that Laguna Beach bullshit I had to hear about, day in and day out, while I was trying to graduate high school, then I could really give two shits. And it kind of pisses me off that that’s the reason that Phantom Planet got whatever credit that it did back in the day. They were a halfway decent band. I had the self titled third album back then, at the time when Big Brat was a staple on the local rock station and I deemed it worthy enough to order from a music club, which I did not pay and subsequently got my ass reported to a collection agency. It was a good record.*

Now, we have fucking Muniz, waltzing in after finishing a six and a half year run on one of Fox’s few successful TV shows, and joins a band? Shenanigans. At least Schwartzman started his own band. Kudos to him. That’s sweet. But I looked up Lil’ Frankie’s band and that son of a bitch is right up front in the band’s promo picture for the website. You gotta know that the other guys in the band were all like, “Fuck it! Its FUCKING Malcolm! I don’t even care if that little shit can keep a beat. We’ll work around it, because that mother fucker is gunna get us signed! Pronto!” But I wasn’t there. I don’t know the dynamic of the group. Their music is pleasing to the ears of people who like that kind of music. What can I say. The kid made a good life for himself. Doing all of the things that I’ve wanted to do since I was 8 years old. And the best video I watched while researching this shit was the video for Cold War Kids Hang Me Up to Dry. Also, did I mention that Muniz races fucking Indy cars? Fucking Indy cars?

*But this is also the record in which Schwartzman decided to leave the group, partway through recording.

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