31 May, 2011

How do we end May?

This month had forty six posts, including this one, putting us at 1.48 posts per day. So, how did we spend this month of biking, drawing, drinking, surviving tornadoes, matchmaking, and cataloging?
Number of posts: 46
Posts per day: 1.48
Number of posts that were musically related: 22 (48% of total, once every 34 hours)
Number of musically related posts that were about recording: 5 (11% of total, a little more than once per week)
Longest post: "It's Friday: Let's Piss Off Every Piece of Equipment I've Ever Owned... For Our 2000th Post!" (2,977 words)
Number of bragging rights, expressed in whole units, one can possess for having posted two thousand times: 2 (Jack and Shit, and Jack left town)
Number of points awarded for identifying the origin of that line without the aid of IMDb: 1,000
Number of people prohibited from participating: 1 (Joe because we basically breathed that movie back in the day... way too easy.)*
Name something else that's easy: Short posts.
Shortest post: "Can we all agree on something?" (6 words)
Post that post yielded: "It's Friday: Let's Piss Off a Princess!"
Amount of mulling over I'm doing, expressed in units of joules expended, brain-wise, regarding making Rebecca Black's "Friday" our new Friday theme song: 4kJ... That sounds about right.
Why? Because now that the hype surrounding that song has died off, I can't be accused of jumping on the bandwagon.
What about "Friday, I'm In Love"? No.
Why not? I need something cheesy and annoying.
Well, can there be a theme song for our Monday feature? Let's see.
"Blue Monday"Maybe.
"Rainy Days and Mondays"A bit of a downer, that one.
"Manic Monday"I refuse to include a song where Prince actually convinced Susanna Hoffs to utter the words "funday" and "runday".
"I Don't Like Mondays"For a song about something as fucked up as what Brenda Ann Spencer pulled, this song sure is kind of tame.
So, we're just going to go ahead and consider "Blue Monday" the clear winner then. Yeah, by default.
You know what else? Yeah, check this out.
We were so bumping that shit when the hot bird from 205 came down to borrow a pair of scissors. I bet she thinks we're all cool and indie and shit because we listen to New Order.
I bet she doesn't even know who New Order is and we look cool because we're bumping sick synth beats. And apparently we're music snobs, too!
Yeah, I bet she's a freak and likes it when guys jerk off on her feet. Wait, what?
Just whip it out and d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-GAH! What in holy shit are you talking about?
Uh, jerking, uh - off - on... Yeah yeah, I get that, I'm just wondering...
Wondering what? Well, we're not a foot guy; in fact, we've never been much of a foot guy.
Well, there was that time we sucked toes. Yeah, because she had her finger up our ass; it's considered a common courtesy to fulfill a partner's request when they're fulfilling yours.
Remember that time she tried to choke you out? Oh, yeah.
Good times. Good times.
Should we wrap this up? Yeah, it looks like we're running out of steam.
I mean, we're doing that thing again where we refer to ourself in the plural form simply because we've taken the query / result format into a sort of inner monologue territory. I'm actually a little more disappointed about that crack about that bird not knowing who New Order is.
That was a little hipster-elitist of us. Yeah but just the same...
I know, right? She does not look like somebody who's into New Order.
You can tell these sorts of things. Right, look at us.
Do we look like the kind of guy who listens to the Black Eyed Peas? No.
Do we look like the kind of guy who listens to Toby Keith? No.
Do we look like the kind of guy who listens to Lady Gaga? Well, we did that one time but that was strictly for research purposes.
So it stands to reason that you can get a good look at somebody and kind of have a rough idea of what they listen to. Just a rough idea.
An outline. A vague conception.
Not exactly strict. But you just kind of know.
But then we could be wrong. She could've been the goth girl in high school.
Who are we to judge? Really?
The audacity. You know, she might be into metal or something.
But it's doubtful. Maybe she's into punk or has a bunch of old Sonic Youth bootlegs or some shit.
Not exactly counting on the probability of that scenario. You know what I figure she's into?
What's that? Daft Punk.
Daft Punk? I bet you that the hardest shit she's into is Daft Punk.
What made you pick Daft Punk? Gut feeling.
You know what I think she's into? What's that?
Jack Johnson. Jack Johnson?
Jack Johnson. That cheese-ball shit?
I bet you she has the CD in her car. "The" CD?
He has more than one? Beats the fuck out of me.
'Cause I wouldn't know. No, we don't listen to that corn-ball shit.
Never crossed our mind to even give him a try. We're a real man.
And real men listen to Bastro. That's right.
Mm-hmm. I don't know, though.
About what? That Jack Johnson thing.
You're not good on it? No, something in my gut tells me she listens to Daft Punk.
You're going with the Daft Punk. Going with the Daft Punk.
I heard chicks who listen to Daft Punk won't let you put it up their butt until they're all E'd out. No, you're thinking of the Chemical Brothers.
That's right. Yeah.
That's right. Yeah, totally chicks into Chemical Brothers.
I got them all mixed up there. Right, no, Daft Punk chicks just don't like it in the butt at all.
Right, that's the difference. But they'll suck the chrome off a bumper so there's that.
Is that how you gauged her for a Daft Punk fan? What?
Do you think she looks like she gives decent head or... No, I just figured her for a Daft Punk fan.
Oh. What the fuck is up with you today?
Horny. Yeah, that we are.
Can't keep my mind off of fucking lately. Well save your energy.
Save my energy for what? Well, you know what tomorrow is, right?
Yeah, June 1st. And you know what happens during the last week of June / first week of July...
Oh, yeah! That's right: Sound Design and Assembly's Second Annual Butt Week!
The week where we don't so much sit around and make butts the focus of our posts... as much as our train of thought starts out well-intentioned and proposedly about what this blog is supposed to be about...
DIY home recording and the like... but eventually that train of thought gets derailed and we're just talkin' 'bout butts.
Butts. Butts.
Talkin' 'bout butts. Why the fuck would we not talk about butts?
We'd be crazy to not talk about butts. Butts.
We're out of steam. Yeah, let's end this.

* And I have my suspicions that Jake L. (as opposed to Jake. H) has that movie stowed in his mental cinema as well.

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