27 September, 2010

Riding my bike, getting found on the internet, and lesbian metal.

This weekend, after spending time in my little cave programming drums all fucking day, I was able to find a new bike route up on the riverfront, two of them actually, totally three and a tenth miles. I started with the Saint Anthony Falls Heritage Trail, one and four fifths of a mile, which passes Pillsbury Mill Ruins and the St. Anthony Upper Lock and Dam on the southwest side of the river. After that, it crosses a long-assed pedestrian and bike bridge (called simply "Stone Arch Bridge") to the northeast side of the river into Father Hennepin Bluffs park which, in turn, exits to a historic warehouse neighborhood.
You get out of that and you're on St. Anthony Main, basically, a money trap. Lawyers and attorneys and paralegals, all of them white, all of them Clapton fans, sit on the patio of such hoary-named places as Tugg's and Vic's, you know the kind of places. The kind of places that'll charge you nine bucks for your tater-skin appetizer. The draw for me in this neighborhood is the St. Anthony Main Theater, a five screen place with reasonable prices and regular seating. I saw Snakes on a Plane there with Angie and Grindhouse with Georgie. After that is Pracna on Main, the last barf-fest of opulence you have to deal with before exiting St. Anthony Main to Nicollet Island. No. I'm for real. You can check their menu. Baby Corn Dog appetizers? US$9.15.

For the same price, I can get two boxes of the little motherfuckers and make 'em my damned self.
Nicollet Island, all told, is pretty boring. There's a park. There's what looks like a country club. (OK, I just looked it up, it's an inn. Whoopity-doopity.) Things don't get interesting until you're on an unpaved trail, which doesn't last long. You cross a short, uninspiring pedestrian to the woefully boring Boom Island Park.
It has a little marina.
It has a little ferry.
It has a little light house.
It has no easily discernible exit, which is how I found the light house, trying to find the exit.
When you do get out, you find the equally dismal Plymouth Avenue Bridge. You cross that back over to the southwest side and find yourself slung back into arboreal splendor on the parkway. Once over here, you see the return of marked bike lanes, shade from the trees, an excellent view along the river, nice and flat ground for an easy ride and a slight increase in bike traffic.
Speaking of which, this trail isn't as popular as the ones around Lake Calhoun and Lake of the Isles, meaning that bike traffic is pretty light all the way around. (It's practically non-existent from Nicollet Island to the southwest side of the Plymouth Avenue Bridge.) The bike lanes are fairly well-maintained but their markings are faded (not a big deal) and often you can lose your way as the bike paths seem to disappear into the street, starting at Father Hennepin Bluffs Park and ending at (you guessed it) the southwest side of the Plymouth Avenue Bridge. In fact, there aren't even proper trail markings. That I found the Boom-Nicollet Island pedestrian bridge was a lucky first try. The road split to the left (paved) and right (unpaved). I went with unpaved. It looked fun. I have a mountain bike. Let's do it.
All in all, it was a fun time, if the total lack of markings in the north corner weren't more than a little aggravating.
In other news, I somehow wound up finding myself online last night. According to Spokeo.com, I still live at 2115 across the park. I'm in my mid 20s, single, I live in a single family house, male, Capricorn, no children, and I've lived in a middle class neighborhood for one year. What isn't known is my ethnicity, occupation, hobbies, estimated home value, education, or whether I'm a home owner. They don't know if my house has AC, a swimming pool, heating, or a fireplace. Their Google Maps Street View photo of the house is taken from the completely wrong end of the block. Under lifestyles and interests, it's indicated that I enjoy retail shopping.

Only to beat the man.
Laughable, really.
Speaking of laughs, check out this classic Craigslist ad from Scott from Kowloon Walled City.

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