19 August, 2010

Recent, um... (Cinematic Edition)

So what happens when you take a blog that's supposed to be about music and stick the head writer with a double shift? You get today's post. Look, I had to work a double yesterday, so I've got nothing. You know aside from the dancing Imperial Stormtrooper to your left.
When I have to work a double and things are shaping up for a slow night (which is generally what Wednesday is), I go in for a double, sometimes triple, feature. I remember the first night was "Josh Hartnett Number Movie" night (Lucky Number Slevin, Forty Days and Forty Nights, and 30 Days of Night), the week before last it was "Improbable Things Happening to Teenage Girls" night (Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains* and Jennifer's Body), last week was Romeo is Bleeding and Romeo Must Die, shit like that. This week was supposed to be Bad News Bears 1976 vs 2005 night, but I watched Date Night and then The Runaways instead.
Date Night, I was about to go see in the theater, actually, just to get the fuck out of the house. I like Steve Carell alright when he's not Michael Scott and you know how I feel about Tina Fey,** but then I would be the guy going to see Date Night in the theater without a date and that would look... what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, right, sad. But I wanted to see it none the less, so I had to wait for when a date movie called Date Night left the theater realm.
You know? It was alright. And Marky Mark has really been doing well with the comedic acting thing he's trying out lately. Yeah, he's in it.
The Runaways? Jesus Christ. Where do I begin? Especially knowing dick all about the Runaways. Huh. Oh, and by the way, this is going to be the most musically related segment of the entire post. OK. Well. Let's get the whole "hot-girl" thing out of the way. Kristen Stewart's kind of hot, Joan Jett is stomach-swirls and hot-flashes hot, so this should be reasonably attractive to me, right? Right. Kind of? I guess? I don't know, there're times in the movie where she just kind of schlumps around but, you know, a fifteen year old kid in that kind of a stifling environment - "Girls don't play electric guitar," is one choice line in the movie - of course she'd schlump a little here and there. Imagine you keep getting told what you can and can't do all the time just because you're packing peanut butter instead of chocolate in the candy store down there.*** That shit would suck. And according to this interview, Stewart did her homework.****
As for the rest of the movie? For. God's. Sake. I get it, I get that the bulk of it, was it the bulk of it? was based on Cherie Curry's book but there were four other people in that band. Sure, Joan gets some hefty screen time, Sandy has some lines, Lita's written to look like a bitch (quite efficiently, too, in that she pulls it off with her ten lines in the whole movie), Jackie Fox wouldn't release the rights to her portrayal so they got Maybe from Arrested Development to play Robin Robins, I think she has one? line.
I'm sitting there watching this thing, kind of wondering, What the fuck is Lita's deal? What was that shit about? Do I have to Wikipedia this shit? The movie so focuses on just Joan and Cherie and manager Kim Fowley that, well, you know how at the end of biographical movies that do that thing that comes up on the screen, "So-and-So eventually left the mafia and went on to invent the pneumatic egg baster. He lives with his second wife in American Samoa... [there's always an elipsis] He still forges pancake coupons in his spare time," and then "Such-and-Such served three months of his fourteen to life sentence before being released for good behavior. He is currently embroiled in a lawsuit against the Cheboygan tri-county area"? Yeah, well, there's one of those for Cherie, OK, because she's the lead singer, sure, she comes first, and there's one for Joan, right, because she's probably the most popular, I get that, so is Sandy next? Because she kind of had a decent portion of screen time and KIM FOWLEY!? He get's one? Th'fuck I care about Kim Fowley? I don't give a rat-mother-fuck about Kim Fowley, man, take that shit out of here. OK, so Sandy's next, right? WHAT THE FUCK THE CREDITS!? I'm sorry did anybody give a shit about the other three people in the band? Christ. Christ. Christ Christ Christ, you have got to be shitting me.
Making a motherfucker Wikipedia some shit. Assholes.
So, OK. Here's the bottom line. If you don't give a shit about learning anything about this band (That's right, band, the entire reason the movie was made. If it wasn't a band, that is, a collective of people coming together for a common purpose, then there'd be no movie.), go ahead and rent it. Fuck it. Don't rent it. Download the fucker. Totally illegally, too, I don't give a shit.
If you do give a shit about learning more this band, go listen to some of there records and try reading some old Rolling Stone or Creem archives or something, I don't know. Maybe you won't do too much better. The movie says (HA! "The movie says...") the way things were going back then, you may as well just watch the movie. Or something.
So fuck it. Don't believe anything you read. Just go get the records.
I don't know, I don't know what to tell you to do. You wanna see the movie? go see the fuckin' movie, I don't give a shit anymore. I'm just suspecting that there's probably a reason or two Jackie didn't sign off on her depiction.
Or I could be wrong, that happens, too.

* Joe, check that one out. It has Steve and Paul from the Sex Pistols and Paul from the Clash.

*** OK, not my finest analogy, I accept that.
**** About 2/3 to 3/4 of the way down. Or just CTRL+F, type "Jett", and hit "Next" three times. What? Don't give me that look. You're going to have to learn how to do a "Find" sometime.

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