11 August, 2010

Last Night's Hostel Incident Report

Management reports that at approximately 2100CDT, while entertaining some guests and attempting to make a positive enough impression on a young Armenian-Dutch lady to lead to at the very least some making out and mutual hand jobs, that staff on duty came out to report that the sink in the 204/205 bathroom had fallen off the wall and shattered. The guest filing the complaint had apparently been washing her face (Gymnastically?) when the sink had come off of its mountings and crashed to the floor. Management then began disconnecting pipes and hoses and cleaning up the shards of porcelain. Management reports that said porcelain shards tore the hell out of his shit, as he was a bit inebriated and therefore acting in haste.
Management reports that he placed a phone call to the owner who had claimed there would be a new sink delivered today.
Management reports that the young Armenian-Dutch lady? You know, there might be a little vibe there. He's working on his long game. Putting it out there, seeing what happens, you know.
Management reports that the Suthanah reported to him yesterday, that the painter from Tennessee (who, Management reports, was super-fine and built like a brick shit house) that had gone out drinking with a Staff member, had come back to the patio afterward and that the Suthanah had joined them for a drink. It was reported to Management that the painter from Tennessee had drunkenly pronounced that she was charmed by Management and talked at length about his dick.
Management reports that at that point, he had already been in bed for two hours.
Management reports that he's masturbated three times over the "what might have been" scenario.
Management reports that he also cries a little when he does.

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