29 July, 2010

Last Night's Hostel Incident Report

Management reports that the guest from yesterday's hostel incident report came into the office again later in the evening. As Management was pulling a double shift, he can't be arsed to give exact details. What follows is a paraphrased account of the events. As many verbatim quotes as can be remembered are supplied.
"How are you doing?"
I'm alright.
"Everytime I come in here, you're working on the system." [referring to Management using his personal laptop in the office alongside the office computer]
Yep.
"I was wondering, you see, I'm not staying here tomorrow night, my convention is over -"
Oh! Yeah, if you want to check out early, you can.
"But I was wondering if I could get a discount?"
A discount?
"Yeah."
No.
"No?"
[without patience] Uh, I told you when you were checking in that we don't offer any refunds.
"Oh! I don't dispute that."
OK.
"But I'm asking for a discount."
We don't offer any refunds or discounts.
"But I'm not staying here for the last night!"
[if there were a way to quantify patience in negative numbers...] Look, man, we went over this when you were checking in. I told you that we don't offer any refunds so if you pay for three and stayed for only two, you still paid for three nights and you wouldn't get that money back.
"Right. I don't dispute that. But maybe if you could write a note to the management, I'm just asking for a discount."
Like I explained, there are no refunds, no discounts, nothing like that. I told you that from the moment you got here. It's why I asked you if you were sure if you wanted two nights or three.
"I picked three nights because I didn't know the convention was going to end today and I don't make mistakes."
OK.
"So..."
It's not going to happen.
"I don't understand. I mean, I thought this was a hostel. For young people. And I come here to this convention to better myself -"
That is irrelevant to the money issue. I told you what our policies are and I tried to make it perfectly clear to you -
"And you did!"
And I told you that exactly this would happen.
"I don't dispute that. But if you could just give me the money and write a note to the management -"
I am the management.
[stunned]
Yeah. It's not going to happen.
[collects thoughts] "My colleagues, they're at the Hilton. They asked if I could drink with them tonight."
Uh-huh.
"So maybe you don't cancel my bed. Maybe they bring me back."
You did pay for it.
"So, maybe they bring me back and I can still use it."
Sure.

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