27 August, 2009

KRAKOA aint nothin' to fuck with.

Anyhoo, on this day in 1883, the volcano Krakatoa erupted, the volcano that inspired the name of the Marvel comics villain, Krakoa, who is the namesake for my band: KRAKOA. However, KRAKOA should not be confused with the band Krakatau, who actually played the BGSU campus about a year before I left Ohio; the fliers actually threw my girlfriend at the time off for a second. Naturally she had to show it to me:
Well, yeah, but my band is KRAKOA. And I'm not Polynesian. [pointing at band photo on flier]
"They're Indonesian."
Not to take away from Krakatoa, though. The volcano, I mean. I can't be arsed to listen to anything right now, since I have to make another trip to the post office pretty soon. No, I'm talking about the volcano.
It's like there's no discernable difference at all!
Krakatoa, when it erupted in 1883, blew the shit out of everything with a blast equivalent to 200 megatons of TNT. Now I know what you're thinking: "TNT? What hysterical balderdash! P'shaw, TNT. Nobody uses TNT anymore. TNT! Ha!" Keep in mind that TNT is the gold standard of explosions and that all things boom-boom are measured against its blast force. Yes, even Fat Man and Little Boy were measured in the number of tons of TNT it would take to equal their blast.
I know what else you're thinking: "Only 200 megatons? My good sir, this pittance is laughable!" Right, right. Can we take a second? You know, just you and me? Alone? No, no, nobody's in trouble, I just... well... Come here.
Look, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of the other readers, but you know that we're discussing megatons, right? Mega. As in million. Tons. Two hundred of them.
Now, look, I'm going to throw the metric system and heat energy and force units like joules and calories and everything else that can confuse the subject right out the window. I'm just going to cut right to the quick: I want you to imagine a big fucking pile of dynamite sticks. No, bigger than that. Bigger than that. Because it's like this, we're talking about 400,000,000,000lbs of dynamite. Having trouble with all those zeros? That number is four hundred billion. Four hundred billion pounds of trinitrotoluene. That's right, I de-acronym-ed TNT for you to see how scary that bitch is. If you saw something labeled "Trinitrotoluene" in your dad's garage, would you fuck with it? No? OK, then. Now imagine there's four hundred billion pounds of the shit.

Well, he has two gas cans. One normal one and one two-cycle one. And it should be noted that I have no idea what the hell the difference is.
Just to put this two hundred megaton blast into perspective, you should probably know that the largest bomb blast ever, meaning pretty much the largest man-made explosion on Earth was from the detonation of a nuclear weapon made by the folks who are in a tie with the U.S. for title of "Craziest Motherfuckers You've Ever Heard Of": Cold War Russians, people who did everything in their power to trump the U.S. in terms of pure, excessive, masturbatory shows of power. In this case, it was the Tsar Bomba. It yielded a fifty megaton blast.
A quarter of two hundred.
Think about it. Something a human made could yield only a quarter of the force of nature. Sure, it was built to pull off a hundred megatons but:
  1. That's still only half.
  2. Somebody in Russia thought that any more than one hundred billion pounds of trinitrotoluene was excessive.
Need me to translate that into simple, understandable terms? This means that:
  1. Even in humankind's imagination, we're still only half as powerful as nature and, in practice, we're only half as powerful as our imagination.
  2. Nature absolutely does not give a fuck about such pussy-assed bullshit concepts as "too much".
And just to put one last nail in the coffin, please look at the map, below.
The distance between those two points is three thousand miles. The folks on Rodrigues Island heard the explosion.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.