23 August, 2009

Charlie Dreams Up A Queer Culture Romantic Comedy

The grass in the park is long and wet with a dew that covers the canvas of my shoes, soaking through to dampen my socks and chill my feet a little. It is yet another laptopless day as I come to you from the office computer, where I dare not venture into the realms of the obscene. Because it's not my computer. Because I don't have one. Because this fund raiser isn't going so hot.
ANYway, I had this awesome dream last night where I was watching the biggest most awesomest parade ever; it was like the videos for "I Wanna Be Sedated" and "Mr. Crinkle" met up for sex in the hadron collider.

Don't act like you can't tell which is which.
And what was this two mile long subconscious parade for? Well it was actually the trailer to the new movie I'm directing starring Nelsan Ellis (aka Lafyette on True Blood) called The Morning After Big Ben's Near-Perfect Dream Date. Think of it as a blacker Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss. "Why?" you ask: Because nothing says "The World's Gift To Tolerance" like a heterosexual white male conjuring up a story about a black homosexual male, and if I'm going to make my mark on the film world, then I have to go big. It's like in Top Gun: There are no points for second place.

The more plausible explanation.
Actually, the only thing I'm really interested in is that my brain actually configured the text into its actually ordering. You see, this is something we all learned from episode 530 of Batman the Animated Series: "Perchance to Dream": One side of the brain controls things like dreaming and the other side controls things like reading. 1 2 Take last night's movie, for example. Under normal conditions, I would awake remembering that in the dream, the actual spatial ordering and character selection of the title was:
My brain would semi-compensate for this, so that what hits my (in this instance, mind's) eyes as a bunch of randomized gobbledy-gook enters the realm of reason and understanding as:
The Morning After Big Ben's Near-Perfect Dream Date
I would be understanding multiple concepts at that point:
  1. What I see is the W5E4.
  2. What I read is "The Mor".
  3. The actual functions of the letters "W" and "E" and the numbers "5" and "4".
  4. That this combination of characters in any order does not form a word or word fragment.
  5. That this combination of characters at this time represents what my brain perceives as the first word and the first syllable of the next word.
All of this occurs at once. Lng and short of it is that I get that W5E4 means absolutely nothing but is merely a representative placeholder because in the subconscious mind, the part of the brain that would be responsible for character selection and ordering is off the clock, but the part of the brain responsible for recognition and perception is still on duty. I see one thing, I understand another, I know both things.
Here's what I'm getting at, though: Last night, my brain correctly selected and ordered the characters necessary to compose the title of my imaginary queer-culture romantic comedy.
T H E M O R N I N G A F T E R B I G B E N ' S N E A R - P E R F E C T D R E A M D A T E
Yeah, my brain even went so far as to insert the apostrophe and dash. No weird gibberish or recognizably indecipherable character jumbles that had to be immediately processed as what they were truly representing. Near as I can figure, it's probably due to last night's insomnia; waking up every half-hour or hour or so, so the language center of my brain (or at least the readin' and writin' part) would be still somewhat slightly active.
Anyway, I thought it was cool.
I can't remember the song that the Irish marching band was playing, though. For all I know it could have been, and very well probably was, "Sex Dwarf" by Soft Cell. You remember Soft Cell, right? They did "Tainted Love". Yeah, well they also did a song called "Sex Dwarf" and, no, that title is not symbolic of anything. It is literally about wooing a midget for the sole purpose of having S&M sex with them. Now, if I'm going to write, direct, produce, and co-star in a queer-culture romatic comedy starring the guy best known for his television role as a vampire blood dealer, how the hell can I not use a song about wooing a midget for the sole purpose of having S&M sex with them. To not use "Sex Dwarf" would be sacriledge.
Just as an example, check out what one very enterprising (and perhaps very stoned) Soft Cell fan has done with "Sex Dwarf" to ensure that everybody knows the awesomeness of the song.

Let's see if this one works...
Everything that happens from 01:51 to 02:05 is fucking magic, man. Magic.

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