07 August, 2009

It's Friday: Let's Piss Off Steve Albini

If you wouldn't give that ass a proper tappin', you, sir or madame, are out of your fuckin' mind.
At my straight gig, I have an impressive amount of time to kill. Last night, after realizing that I pretty much blew flirting with a Portland bound, organic food eating, cargo pant wearing, nerdy poet who looked vaguely like Joan Cusack, I found myself trolling the internet for all manner of time wasters, ever forgetting that I have a book in my bag.
I started off the evening with a rousing bout of "Let's Watch Dumb Asses Go Fuck With Great White Sharks" on Hulu. Obviously, that's not the actual title, but I can't remember what it is and that's pretty much the gist: Forty minutes of Brits who are so shit fuck nuts out of their skulls insane that the method of advancing man's understanding of sharks that they endorse is climbing into the fucking water with them.
Did you catch that? People, with a stunted sense of what others might call "not getting into the water with sharks" spend obscene amounts of time throwing bloody fish guts into the water to lure nature's most perfect killing machine to the vicinity of their boat so that they can jump in there and just "hang out" with the only twenty foot, two ton 1 carniverous missle capable of speeds up to 25mph 2 and a bite force of 5400psi 3 known to eat people. Never mind that you can't reason with it. Never mind that you're in its natural environment and you have no place to run, nor are you able to see too far to know when they're coming for you so you can find a kelp bed to hide in. And never mind that that kelp bed aint going to do shit for you because sharks don't rely on sight anyhow. Fuck it! Let's do this! This idea is great, it's sound, it's a go, I'm lovin' it, we're all behind this one hundred percent, there aren't enough good things to say about this idea; fuck it! There's no way we're not doing this! Let's go get in the fuckin' water!
After watching these idiots tempt fate (or smack Yahweh on the nose with their nuts, however you want to see it), I made the natural subject matter leap: I started watching some Depeche Mode videos. Starting with a fevered hunt for the official "Enjoy the Silence" video, I sifted through every ill-conceived nĂ¼-metal and neo-lounge-pop bastardization of the classic. Having found what I wanted though, I looked up an earlier Depeche Mode hit: "Just Can't Get Enough". I've heard Nouvelle Vague's version, and now I wanted to hear the original. So when I pull up that video, I see David Gahan's younger mug, donned with a slick coif and large frame shades, it strikes me that I think I've seen this guy before, just not in Depeche Mode.
If it pleases the court, I would like to piss off Steve Albini.
That's right. I grabbed a screen shot from the "Just Can't Get Enough" video and Steve's head from a classic Big Black promo shot to illustrate my point. Now I get that only a handful of you are going to get why this is funny. McGarvey and Steve V certainly will, Dave has probably already said "oh, man", but I know a lot of you guys like a wide range of things that doesn't necessarily encapsulate my favored flavor of music. I would like for you to consider, then, Big Black's "Kerosene" and then pit it against Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough". If you're not laughing by the end of those, then... I can't help you.
McGarvey and Steve V will more than certainly also notice the uncanny similarities in Mr. Gahan's (featured) and Mr. Albini's (noted) pant leg styles.

1 comment:

  1. There was also another "Enjoy the Silence" video shot on the roof of the World Trade Center:


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