13 June, 2009

It really is like (Band A) mated with (Band B)!

On Thursday, this guest, his name is Gino, he comes to me and asks me, "Uh, yeah, uh, I can't get this oven to stop preheating; it's too high-tech. I set it to the temperature I wanted and instead of 'cook' it went right to 'preheat' and now I can't get it to cook."
When I told him out loud that it would switch to cook when it was done preheating, internally I was asking him if he'd ever used an appliance before in his life. Believe me, the internal question was peppered with expletives and accompanied by a smack upside the back of his head.
The verbal assurance was done with all the politeness one can muster in the face of such absurd troglodytism.
None the less, I tolerate the weirdo. He got on great with a woman named Pippa who went on and on about New Zealand this and New Zealand that. I know this because the two of them never shut up, him in particular. He developed a particular knack for gutterally yelling "bangers and mash!"
He also brought to the house the concept of watching Spin City loud as fuck while drinking a twelve pack of Budweiser. As god if there is one is my witness, I've never seen anybody just straight tank a twelver of Bud and watch back to back reruns of Spin City with the volume dimed. Currently, the TV is set to Spin City (Seriously, does he just hunt for this show's syndication schedule or did he bring a DVD?) with the volume at a more conservative level.
This is my morning.

ADDENDUM: Now this little old lady is laughing her ass off watching Lethal Weapon 2.

But what's really going on? Anything at all musical? Why, yes. Take a look at the following links:
Oxbow's The Narcotic Story according to rateyourmusic.com.
Oxbow's The Narcotic Story according to All Music Guide.
Unsane's Visqueen according to rateyourmusic.com.
Notice how our link in the middle seems to be almost the perfect amalgam of the cover art from the first link and the track listing from the last. Notice, how if you click on All Music Guide's other listing for Oxbow's The Narcotic Story, you'll find a correct track listing. Notice how neither of these two records look anything at all alike.
Oxbow - The Narcotic StoryThe Narcotic Story was released on June 5th, 2007 on Hydrahead Records and has nine songs.
Unsane - VisqueenVisqueen was released on March 13th, 2007 on Ipecac Recordings and has eleven songs.
Who in hell could mix these two records up?
If you give both of these bands a listen, you'll surely note that neither of them sound anything alike, either.
So what has me up in arms about this? Well, really, I don't know. It's that anal retentive thing I do where I like everything neat and tidy and orderly and correct. Granted, the internet is hardly the source for things that are correct. Look at Wikipedia. Anybody could edit that. Hell, BG readers, who remembers Cara Zavaleta? Raise your hands. Yeah, I went to high school with her. Then she got on Road Rules then she posed in Playboy. Hot she may be, I still remember her as the airhead that ceaselessly described the color of her vomit in art class. So under the "Notable Residents" section of the Bowling Green, OH Wikipedia page, I made a correction and for twenty four hours it read:
Cara Zavaleta: Actress / Playmate / Chickenhead
I could do that, so I did. That's the kind of thing that happens when you open up the world of information publishing to the public. You get guys like me that figure since they can print bogus or unresearched information (or vandalise a page as the case may be), that they ought to. Granted, I don't think "chickenhead" is as much of a stretch as "actress"; what they do on Road Rules is not acting. Maybe "acting out", but certainly not acting.

This is what's called a real actress. Note that she displays the confidence of knowing that she'll never have to appear in a skin mag because she's won an Oscar, starred with Brando, and has been directed by Hitchcock.
(Just to go off on a tangent, I had nothing to do with this, but her name has since been removed from the list of Notable Natives of Bowling Green, OH. Perhaps somebody picked up on the fact that running around on MTV doing low-impact stunt work and taking your clothes off in a magazine are not qualifications enough for notability. For some odd reason, though, they've included Eva Marie Saint who was born in New Jersey and went to high school in New York; such must be the shame BG'ers feel over their association with Ms. Zavaleta that they would replace her listing with that of a real actress who lived there briefly only to attend college. Cara does have her own Wikipedia page, though, which is a comedy of dropped-outs, voted-outs, kicked-offs, and clothes-offs.)
These are the information sources we're treated to on the information superhighway. It's like each page is a rest stop or one of those hideous travel oases. The newer ones, thanks to capitalism (GO AMERICA!) present you options like Hardee's and some joint you've never heard of before in your life coupled with a Qwik Stop that has a souvenir shop. (Another tangent: Why do rest stops have souvenir shops? What the fuck is there to remember? "Here's the time I was on I-94!" Fuckin' ridiculous.) Can you trust any of it?
How do you know that ten miles down the road, now ten miles away from and probably another sixty miles until the nearest bathroom, that Hardee's burger isn't going to start turning your guts inside out and you're going to have to shit in a drainage ditch? And you know what? I've shit in a drainage ditch, junior, it's the furthest thing from "optimal situation" that you can imagine; trying to squat there with the wind blowing the neighboring cattails up your ass crack and you have only the handful of napkins that came in the bag with which to wipe your ass when you're done ejecting the liquid contents of your intestines all over the North Dakotan prairie and your girlfriend at the time is so supremely paranoid about getting ticketed that she's playing lookout despite you being at least four feet below the road level. Now tell me, HOW CAN YOU TRUST HARDEE'S!?
A similar situation happened when I was with Jimmie involving Popeye's chicken, but at least we were able to locate bathroom facilities.
That's kind of what the internet is: Sure the food (information) looks good, but can you trust it?
That's why each post takes as long as it does to put up. Each one is researched on the fly using sources I trust and a lot of times I wind up cross-referencing, double checking, and certainly making sure I can verify things. Take this past Tuesday's post, for example. Now I could've jumped on the band wagon (and if you looked at the music blogosphere that day, there was a tiny one) and said Kim Gordon should shut the fuck up but instead I decided to check Scott Thill's source. It was then that I found how out of context he misrepresented Ms. Gordon. Yeah, yeah, I get that while it may be in bad form for me to call out another writer by name, fuck it. That guy gets paid for this kind of shit and I don't. How is it that the guy doing it for free with no journalism education or experience whatsoever knows what the fuck context is? I don't get it. And it's shit like this, people not verifying their sources (of which I'm probably guilty myself more often than I'd like to think) that lands us with a page for one record that has a track listing for another.

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